jesterladyfic | Merlin/Sleeping Beauty Oneshot: Welter of Words

Title: Welter of Words
by Jesterlady
Rating: G
Pairing: Arthur/Gwen, Phillip/Aurora
Summary: A Camelot delegation visits the kingdom of Sleeping Beauty to negotiate a peace treaty. This is the story of that fateful encounter.
Disclaimer: I don't own either Merlin or Sleeping Beauty. The title is by Eugene Peterson.
A/N: I need to stop watching Disney movies because they all make me want to crossover Merlin crack with them.

Welter of Words

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, unless you happen to already live there, was the fair kingdom of Camelot where dwelt the just King Arthur, his wise Queen Guinevere, and a host of noble and brave Knights. Oh, and Arthur’s Court Sorcerer and former manservant, Merlin.

Arthur had only just recently found out that his manservant was no simple, bumbling oaf as he’d always supposed but a powerful warlock named Emrys. After a lot of name calling, goblet throwing, and threats of execution Arthur got used to the idea and went about the business of unbanning magic and getting a new servant and generally making everything about the kingdom perfect.

Of course after getting everything in his own kingdom straight Arthur had to deal with his neighboring kingdoms and began negotiations with those who had always dealt kindly with magic and hadn’t been on good terms with Camelot because of their limited viewpoint regarding the magical arts. First and foremost on the list was the kingdom of King Phillip and Queen Aurora.

This is the story of that fateful encounter.

“This is a peaceful delegation, remember, Merlin,” Arthur said as they rode down the road, Pendragon red cape flowing behind him in the breeze.

“I’m not the one with a sword,” Merlin pointed out.

“I’m not the one with enough firepower in my pinky to devastate a kingdom,” Arthur rejoined.

“Like I’d raze a kingdom that always supported my kind,” Merlin said.

“I don’t know…” Arthur said musingly. “Cenred’s kingdom never had anything against magic.”

“But it had Cenred against it and all his heirs,” Merlin said. “Besides, I did not raze the kingdom, only the castle, and I made sure all the innocents were out first.”

“Playing favorites because you were born there,” Arthur tsked.

Merlin did not dignify such a remark with an answer. Warlocks have their pride, after all.

It was only a short journey, made pleasant by good weather, witty banter, juicy tales from Sir Gwaine, and, for Merlin at least, not having to clean up after everyone anymore.

“This is the border,” Sir Leon proclaimed from the head of the column.

“Everyone is to be on their best behavior,” Arthur said, pointedly glaring at Gwaine.

“I always am,” Gwaine said, putting a hand to his chest in mock offense.

They crossed the border and everyone, almost as if with one mind, stopped abruptly.

“Is it just me or is everything really flat here?” Gwen asked.

“No, no, you’re right,” Arthur said, looking around nervously.

The land stretched out before them, dotted with trees and hills, but they appeared to be painted on an invisible wall, so it seemed if they rode anywhere, they’d be riding into something solid.

“Is it safe?” Gwen asked.

Everyone looked at Merlin who sighed and extended his senses, looking for signs of sorcery.

“I’m not everyone’s personal guidebook, you know,” he grumbled.

“What else good are you?” Arthur said, sniffing regally.

Merlin took the high road, quite literally, and rode away without answering.

They all followed for a little while before a hooting and chirping sounded all around them and a flock of birds descended out of nowhere and draped themselves all over Gwen and her horse. Her entourage included an owl, three sparrows, two finches, and five robins. A couple of rabbits hopped all around her feet. A pair of squirrels shot past Merlin’s nose and he could have sworn one of them gave a lingering, longing glance in Arthur’s direction before settling on Gwen’s shoulder and nuzzling her neck.

“Uh, a little help here, please,” Gwen said calmly, her eyes darting around in alarm.

Merlin was laughing too hard to answer but Arthur’s eyes had lit up with the rage of battle and he pulled his sword and swerved to veer alongside his Queen and defend her honor against all the woodland creatures currently fondling some part of her person.

“Don’t!” Merlin said, finally reining in his laughter.

“Don’t hurt them, Arthur,” Gwen said. “Just get them off me.”

Arthur sighed and put away his sword and proceeded to shoo away all the birds. The squirrels stubbornly remained and nothing kept them away all together. The birds flew along above them, the rabbits hopped beside, and the owl sat on Gwen’s horse’s tail and yawned wearily.

“What is the owl even doing awake in the day?” Merlin muttered.

They rode with their strange companions the rest of the day until the castle loomed into sight and thankfully didn’t hit them all in the face when they rode up to it.

A great crowd was waiting to meet them and King Phillip and Queen Aurora descended the stairs to greet them.

“Welcome, welcome,” Aurora said, her sunshine hair and ruby lips causing many among the knights to visibly lean forward in their saddles.

Gwen only squinted because for some reason Aurora was wearing a sky blue gown with a bright pink sash, pink shoes, and pink flowers in her hair. The result was rather clashing and overly bright. Gwen quickly forgave this fashion faux paux because as soon as they saw Aurora all the birds and animals abandoned Gwen and made a dash for the other Queen.

“I see you met some friends along the way,” Phillip remarked calmly, regarding his wife draped with woodland animals with extraordinary calm as if it were an everyday occurrence.

And so it was.

“How good of you all to welcome our friends so nicely,” Aurora cooed to the owl and petted the squirrels and then with a whispered word, the animals all dispersed apart from one sparrow on Aurora’s shoulder and the squirrel which had stubbornly clung to Gwen’s shoulder.

“The animals are very…friendly,” Arthur said diplomatically.

“It’s a royal thing…from the, uh, female line,” Phillip said, extending his hand.

Arthur shook it firmly.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” he said.

They all went inside and everyone got introduced and they did all the boring bits of a story that normally get passed over by cutting to the next scene. Before they all knew it everyone was ensconced in the dining hall and Merlin was blinking in surprise at the honor paid to him. He was much more used to quailing looks and thrown vegetables.

Three brilliant lights suddenly zoomed into the room and the guard, without even flinching, made an announcement.

“The Mistresses Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather.”

The lights zinged around the room with red, green, and blue trails floating behind them and then three short women appeared. Arthur valiantly didn’t recoil and Merlin was glad that not one knight pulled a sword. They were all making such progress, he thought, regarding them like a proud father.

“Oh dear, we’re so late,” the green fairy, Mistress Fauna, said in distress.

“I told you we shouldn’t stop in the gardens,” the littlest blue fairy, Mistress Merriweather said, glowering up at the red fairy, Mistress Flora.

“Hush now, dear, don’t make a fuss in front of our guests,” Flora said and then her breath hitched when she caught sight of Merlin. “Oh, girls, look who it is.”

“It can’t be,” Fauna said, fluttering nervously off the ground. “Oh, it’s Emrys.”

“Doesn’t look like much,” Merriweather said, scrutinizing Merlin closely.

“Don’t be rude, dear,” Fauna said.

“I apologize, Emrys,” Flora said, coming to rest beside Merlin. “She’s so young, only a little over a thousand years old, and doesn’t know any better.”

“Uh, that’s quite…all right,” Merlin said, looking at anyone to see if someone could explain them to him, but found everyone was looking at him expectantly instead.

“You’re here,” Aurora suddenly said into the awkward silence and moved to embrace all the fairies. “My aunties.”

“You’re looking so well,” Flora said.

“Any...” Fauna looked around nervously before whispering, “…babies yet, dear?”

“Too much pink,” Merriweather said, hugging Aurora rather robustly while the Queen blushed from Fauna's question.

“Merlin, who are these…ladies?” Arthur asked, edging close and whispering.

“Search me,” Merlin replied. “I don’t live here.”

“They know you.”

“Everyone knows me,” Merlin said with the long suffering air of a martyr.

Proper introductions were made and Merlin remembered Gaius vaguely telling him something about these three ladies helping Phillip kill one of the most evil magic users to ever walk the earth and for Merlin to thank his lucky stars he’d never have to face Maleficent.

“Shall we go for a ride?” Phillip asked Arthur, slapping him on the back. “You can tell me all about Camelot, how you met your Queen, we’ll see if it’s quite as romantic as Aurora’s and my story, eh? I’d love to meet your horse properly; he and Samson will get along great.”

“Sure,” Arthur said, looking askance at Merlin.

Aurora tugged on Gwen’s arms.

“And you can meet all the animals properly.”

“Oh…good,” Gwen said, looking suspiciously at her apparently permanent squirrel shoulder ornament.

“And you can change your clothes,” Aurora said, “out of your travel ones. I’m going to change mine, it’s that time of day where I change from mostly blue to mostly pink.”

“Your two favorite colours?” Gwen hazarded a guess.

“Oh no,” Aurora said. “Flora and Merriweather. They each have a favorite and I can’t bear to disappoint them so I switch everything and wear them equally.” She lowered her voice. “I like blue better personally, but the old darlings raised me and protected me and did everything for me and I can't bear offending any of them.”

Gwen knew a little something about that, so she didn’t remark on the absolute insanity of such a life.

“Coming, Merlin?” Arthur asked over his shoulder.

“Oh no, he can’t,” Flora said. “You go on, dear, we need Emrys here. We’ve so much to teach him.”

“What?” Merlin asked.

Arthur grinned and ducked out before Merlin could mentally or visually ask for his help.

“You’ll pay for that,” Merlin warned him anyway telepathically.

Arthur chuckled as he walked with Phillip to the stables and was introduced to his steed Samson. Phillip pulled some carrots out from somewhere and gave them to the white horse who proceeded to chomp them down with all the greed Arthur normally attributed to some of his larger barons.

“Samson loves carrots, don’t you?” Phillip said.

Arthur could have sworn the horse nodded its head vigorously in answer.

Meanwhile, Merlin was being educated in the art of wand making.

“It’s a very important skill, Emrys dear,” Flora admonished him. “You really should have one of your own. But if you like you can make it long and wooden and call it a staff. Gentlemen of the magic persuasion seem to prefer that.”

“Uh, I’ve never needed one before,” Merlin said. "Not counting the Sidhe staff."

“No, you don’t really need one,” Fauna said, “but you’ll like it ever so much. It will make casting the simplest of spells so much easier. None of that nonsense from the Old Religion. You’ll learn to speak in rhymes.”

“Rhymes?”

“Rhymes,” Merriweather bristled, “are the only proper magical incantations.”

“Um…”

“Now, now, hold your thanks, dear,” Flora said. “We’ll simply fill you on up with knowledge and then send you on your way enriched. It’s just what we do.”

“Uh, okay,” Merlin said, deciding it really wasn’t worth it.

After all, if this is what Aurora faced every day no wonder she wore such odd clothing.

The visit went on just like that. Gwen got used to her animal entourage and even named her squirrel companion. Merlin had a brand new staff that shot out golden dust when he did magic. Arthur had a bruised seat from riding so much and his horse a new fondness for carrots. The knights, especially Gwaine, were very fond of a certain vintage of Phillip’s late father Hubert, and had taken to singing a song called Scrumps whenever they were together.

A treaty was formatted and signed between Phillip and Arthur and the Camelot party made ready to depart.

“Wait, wait,” Flora said, in her tiny fairy form, nearly shooting magic up Arthur’s nose. “We have to give our blessings.”

“Of course,” Aurora and Phillip said aghast. “There must be a blessing.”

“One from each of us, no more, no less,” Flora said firmly.

“Um, thanks,” Arthur said, looking helplessly at Merlin and Gwen.

Gwen looked at her matching blue and pink dress and shrugged at him while Merlin just pointed to his new staff as a visual aid in his general uselessness at influencing the three fairies.

“For you, our sovereign friends of Camelot,” Flora said, “I give the gift of wisdom. All your rule shall be wise and just, all citizens of Camelot to give you their trust. Never again ruled by just heart or head, instead, mingled your wisdom will be led.”

Merlin could swear a chorus had started to sing Flora’s rhyme in a swirling montage of stars. But no matter for Fauna stepped forward.

“I give the gift of longevity. Long may your reign be, King and Queen of Majesty. All your life, lived long and well, will prosper underneath my spell.”

Again with the swirling stars and singing.

Merriweather came forward, looking backward over her shoulder as if she expected to be interrupted any minute.

“My gift is the gift of a child. Long you’ve ruled with no surety, so a dear child I give to thee. Fair and bright and strong, an heir so your line may rule long.”

Gwen blushed and Arthur’s eyebrows raised so high Gaius would be jealous.

“How marvelous!” Aurora said, clapping her hands together. “Our children can be friends.”

“That would be wonderful,” Gwen said, looking alarmed.

“We really should be, uh, departing,” Arthur said, looking pleased for all that.

Merlin wasn't either because he couldn’t help but think of Arthur’s birth.

He rose up on thunder and towered over the three harmless looking fairies.

“What did you do?” he asked. “Who will have to die for such a gift to be given?”

“Die, why should anyone die?” Flora asked, looking sincerely puzzled.

“Oh, don’t lump us in with your Old Religion,” Merriweather said grumpily. “As if our magic would ever require a balance like that. I ask you, the nerve to suppose it.”

“Calm down, Merlin,” Fauna said gently, using his real name for the first time. “We’re sorry to upset you, dear; you’ll learn here there are all kinds of magic in the world. Not all of them the same.”

“Right, right,” Merlin said, calming down and releasing his hold on his magic, feeling somewhat sheepish.

“That’s better, all’s well,” Flora said cheerfully. “Now go safely on your way.”

“Take care of your staff like we showed you,” Merriweather said sternly, as if she couldn’t forgive him just yet.

Merlin bowed.

“My thanks, good fairies.”

“Isn’t he polite,” Fauna giggled, shoving Merriweather who stared with a gimlet eye.

They rode on their way, Gwen once more covered in remarkably clean animals and Merlin awkwardly trying not to shoot magic while adjusting his staff, which was very hard to carry while riding a horse.

They reached the border and rode once more into their detailed, rounder world. It was a bit hard on their eyes that had become used to such a flat, fuzzy world. The animals all stayed behind, Gwen’s squirrel literally crying.

Arthur pulled up and looked at his Queen, his Knights, and Merlin and spoke very seriously.

“We shall never speak of this again,” he warned them all.

Merlin wisely refrained from mentioning the two heartbeats he could sense coming from Gwen so they all lived happily ever after.