A Barely Breathing Story: Epilogue: Spike

[jesterladyfic]

Epilogue: Spike

Spike likes fighting as a general rule. Always has. Rather fight a mob than pluck a meal for himself any day. That hasn’t changed in over a hundred years.

And he likes that he's spending the end of the world fighting reanimated skeletons in a pit. And that he spends it fighting with the Slayer.

Even the presence of Andrew doesn’t change the feeling of joy when the last skeleton drops and Buffy turns to him with joy on her face and they kiss until a huge rope hits the top of his head, lowered by the ever helpful Jonathan.

When they get to the hospital and find out everyone’s going to be okay and that Xander has bragging rights for the rest of his life, Spike remembers himself.

Everything that’s happened sinks back into his mind and body and all he think of is what the hell he’s going to do now. He’s been in something of a cage for a couple of years now, an evolving cage of electricity, nature, and love. He knows which one he likes best.

But he has to figure out which one he can’t live without. If he were anyone but him the choice would probably be obvious. But he struggles while he sits in the waiting room, the Bit curled up in his arms, or when Xander’s busy ragging on him about what happened on the bluff, or when they’re trooping from room to bloody room and he has to look at an extremely pale Tara lying comatose.

Logan’s waking up and half conscious most of the time. That bit’s good. This whole time period, caring about humans, wanting them to be well, figuring out what’s going to change for the world, is existentially hard for him.

Well, maybe it decides for him. In the end, he can’t really choose anything else because of who he is, regardless of what he is. He’s Spike and Spike’s a fool for love, always has been.

Doesn’t mean that love will be accepted, but he’ll either be accepted or he’ll do something else for the others he loves. He’s pretty sure the chip is utterly kaput now, but he hopes he can convince Buffy to help him figure that out for sure cause he wants to know.

Tara does wake up and nobody really knows what happens between her and Willow at the time, but Willow leaves the room with tears on her face and a strength in her shoulders that hadn’t been there before. Giles makes arrangements for them to leave and they all go to the airport to see them off.

Willow hugs mostly everyone and she’s still having trouble looking people in the eye but it’s Anya who grasps her by the shoulders.

“Welcome to the club. Don’t worry, we don’t judge and there are cookies.”

Willow smiles slightly and hugs the other woman. Spike has to raise his eyebrow at that.

Giles hugs Buffy warmly and gives Spike what Spike would almost call an approving nod.

“Come back soon, Dad,” he says teasingly and then avoids looking at Buffy.

He’s still waiting for her to come to him. She’s been busy. Really busy.

He goes to the hospital later and sits in Tara’s room for a while. He’s bored and his legs are shaking so hard he thinks the chair might break, but he needs to know.

When she wakes up again he tells her everything she’s missed.

When he finishes she reaches out her hand and puts it on his bowed head.

“Did you need my benediction, Spike?”

“What? No, nothing like that…just thought you would like to know.”

She smiles too knowingly at him.

“I knew it had to come. With it not working on Buffy. And with you…you as you.”

“The morphine treating you well, luv?”

She grins at him.

“You’ll be okay, Spike. Whatever happens. You’ll be okay.”

“And you? Will you be okay, Glinda?”

She closes her eyes for a moment and he can tell it’s not the hole in her chest that’s bothering her. Not the visible one.

“I thought…when I came to Sunnydale, I was being strong and escaping. W-Willow was going to be my savior. B-but it doesn’t work like that. And w-what she did…it can’t go away. I can’t let it. And I have to actually be strong now. I hope she…she’ll be wonderful. But not with me.”

“Proud of you, Tara,” he says. “You’re the strongest bird I know apart from one. Don’t tell Veronica or the Bit I said so.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she says, smiling wryly.

When she falls back to sleep he sits there for awhile and then goes back to the house. Dawn’s upstairs on her bed and he slips into the room to check on her. Before he can leave again she wakes up and asks him if everything’s okay.

“All’s right, Bit.”

“Sorry I can’t be a kleptomaniac like you,” she says sleepily.

He chuckles.

“Sleep well, Nibblet. Think my stealing days will be nipped in the bud too.”

“I always thought…you were perfect tog…” she says and drops off again.

He covers her with a blanket, knowing how hard the days have been on her. He can only hope one more change won’t completely unbalance her again if it comes to that.

Unbalance them all if it comes to that.