A Barely Breathing Story: Chapter Twelve

[jesterladyfic]

Chapter Twelve: Veronica and the Hallucinogenics

Veronica is feeling useful. She likes that feeling. Since she’s been in Sunnydale she hasn’t been able to do practically any of the things that make her so feared in the town of Neptune. But it appears that right now, Buffy’s biggest supernatural problem is actually three nerds in a basement somewhere. And that Veronica can handle. She’s been tracking new rentals in Sunnydale to see where they could be hiding since she and Willow had discovered their last place of residence.

Tonight she and Buffy are going through some of the neighborhoods she’s got on her list to see if they might be the right ones.

They don’t talk much. Buffy’s been really quiet ever since the Katrina incident. Veronica figures she’s probably got a lot on her mind. Logan spoke with her regarding his conversation with Buffy and Veronica really hopes that it will help in the long run for Buffy to just take it one day at a time and realize that she’s simply in normal trauma mode. All of them need to take it one day at a time.

The only bad thing is that Buffy’s feeling really guilty about beating on Spike. He’s still got a black eye and Veronica knows from experience that it must have been some beating for him to be retaining the injuries this long. She’s guessing that until the physical signs of her folly go away that Buffy won’t be able to look at him or be around him.

It doesn’t stop him from trying though. Even now he’s striding along behind them, determined to watch her back. Veronica supposes it’s sweet, but it also might be ill advised. But she’s pretty much stuck in the middle as it’s hard to have a heart to heart talk with either of them at any time, and impossible with both in hearing range. She’s also not their relationship counselor and she has enough trouble in that area to want to avoid giving out advice.

So she walks along with Buffy until the Slayer stops short and breathes in deep and long and turns around.

“Spike,” she says softly, but determinedly.

“You rang?” he says, popping up from behind a car.

“Can you please go home and check on Dawn?” Buffy asks him, not looking at his eyes. “I don’t want her alone with Willow.”

“Not sure she’s the Summers that needs me right now, love,” he says nonchalantly.

“Don’t you get it, Spike?” Buffy says, finally looking up. “I hurt you. Badly. I’m dealing with a lot of stuff and the only way that I can do that is by letting you take care of something else that I should be caring about. Your face is my doing. Please just give me some space…William.”

Spike’s head shoots up when he hears his human name and Veronica raises an eyebrow.

Spike stands there looking defeated and defiant all at the same time. He’s all-encompassing with emotions, Veronica knows, and it’s an incredibly private thing to be witnessing but she can’t really help it.

“Have Private Eye call me if you need it,” he says and then disappears into the night.

Veronica and Buffy walk in silence for a few minutes and then Buffy sighs very loudly.

Veronica glances over at her.

“Can I offer you a cliché line about pennies and thoughts?” she says.

Buffy smiles slightly.

“I think my thoughts would rather pay you to be listened to than the other way around.”

“I could start up a new therapist business,” Veronica suggests. “Get a little booth and set it up outside Restfield with a stool and a sign like Lucy has on Charlie Brown.”

“The vamps would line up for miles,” Buffy says with a straight face. “Us folk of the night have more issues than people might think.”

“No, really?” Veronica asks.

“Cross my heart,” Buffy says solemnly.

She’s smiling and Veronica counts it a personal victory. Logan would probably be proud of her.

There’s a harsh, growling sound and Buffy whirls around as a demon jumps up behind her. It’s balding and disgusting and Veronica’s more than happy to let the expert take care of it.

“You didn’t just happen to eat three nerds, did you?” Buffy asks, whirling and ducking with her usual grace.

Veronica and Buffy both see it too late but the demon’s arm has a needle-like appendage on it and it sinks into Buffy’s arm before they can do anything to stop it. Buffy cries out and sinks to the ground and Veronica rushes over, avoiding the arms, using the more long range attack methods that Spike’s shown her.

The demon growls at her and she leaps backward to avoid getting stabbed herself.

Focusing on her, the demon doesn’t notice Buffy getting up, smashing its head into a nearby car. The demon hesitates and then seems to hear something somewhere else because it just gives up the fight and runs in the other direction.

“Are you okay?” Veronica asks.

Buffy hesitates.

“At Slayer peak,” Buffy says finally, flexing her arm. “I guess the immunity thing is holding for me.”

“You should probably ask Tara to look at it,” Veronica says.

“If it gets worse I will,” Buffy promises. “Do you want to keep looking?”

“I think you should go home,” Veronica says worriedly.

“Yes, Mother,” Buffy tells her and Veronica refrains from mentioning that Buffy always seems happiest right after she’s fought something.

That and the obvious.

Veronica’s been leaving her car at Buffy’s whenever they patrol together so when they get home and the Slayer’s safely inside Veronica drives back to her dorm. She’s pretty caught up on her homework, which is good because she’s so tired she can’t even begin to think about attempting any.

Tara’s already asleep and Veronica quickly undresses and follows her example.

When she wakes up the next morning she goes through the practice routines Spike’s making her learn. He’s a lot more adept at making somebody else do things than being diligent in them himself, she thinks, disgruntled from lack of sleep.

Logan has begun joining her since Tara’s classes are generally way too early for Veronica to even contemplate getting up and she supposes it’s some of the most quality time they spend together now. Plus, it’s an opportunity to get sweaty and for him to take his shirt off. She generally approves of such things.

“What’s the plan for today?” Logan asks as they prepare to hit the showers, unfortunately, not together.

“I got a shift in an hour and then I wanted to stop by Buffy’s and make sure she’s okay. She got stuck by this demon last night.”

“Stuck?”

“It had something on its arm that looked like a needle. It was really strange.”

“Can I make a casual observation?” Logan asks.

He’s been a lot more confident with her since the Invisible Buffy incident and she finds his observations a lot easier to take.

“Observe as intimately as you like,” she tells him.

“In that case I’ll just pull out my x-ray glasses,” he says, slinging an arm around her waist and catching her before she can get away.

“My muscles and bones are so sexy,” she teases him.

“Every time,” he says, nuzzling her neck.

“Hey, weren’t you observing?”

“Was I?”

“Casually apparently.”

“The permission for intimately appears to have driven it out of my mind.”

“How flighty is man’s brain,” she says, reaching up to curve her own arm around his neck. He doesn’t reply, apparently content with paying attention to the back of her neck. “Do you know how sweaty and gross I am right now,” she finally says.

“It’s fine when I make you that way,” he tells her matter-of-factly, spinning her around so she’s facing him.

“I see, man makes woman sweaty, man looks at work with pride.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, look quickly cause I’m showering.”

“Wait, I remember my observation.”

“And?”

“And I observe that you’ve been a lot happier since you’ve been able to help your friends with your Nancy Drew alter ego.”

“Well, duh, Sherlock,” she says.

“Don’t go wounding my perceptive ego,” he says, bopping her on the nose. “I’m just trying to say that it seems like a good use of your talents and as long as I get to be your humble Watson that makes me happy.”

“I doubt Sherlock and Watson ever do what we’re doing,” she says, sliding her hand up his bare chest.

“They do on the Internet,” he says, cocking his head to meet her lips.

It’s awhile before they get to those showers and Veronica’s almost late for her shift.

When she gets there, Anya barely looks up from all the wedding plans she has strewn about her. The wedding’s getting closer and closer and Anya’s beginning to show pre-wedding strain like never before.

Veronica makes a mental note not to make any mistakes today. She doesn’t want to stress Anya out anymore than necessary. She already got a hysterical tirade when Veronica mentioned it wasn’t customary to have one groomsman and five bridesmaids. But the more she’s thought about it Veronica’s realized that Anya only has this town and these people. All of her long life before that was spent as a demon and Veronica doesn’t know much about it but she does know that if she were in that position, she’d want to cling to the things she has as well.

So she does her best to placate Anya and defend her when Willow gets sarcastic and makes fun of Anya’s wedding plans.

She works her shift and then heads over to Buffy’s house. She finds Willow and Xander hovering over Buffy who appears catatonic.

“What happened?” she asks, dropping all her stuff inside the doorway.

“She’s just not responding,” Xander says frantically.

“Is it the demon from last night?”

“What demon?” Willow demands.

“She got stuck with some spiny needle thing. She seemed fine but I told her to have Tara check it out.”

“Just cause I’m not using magic doesn’t mean I can’t help,” Willow says, sounding annoyed.

“I didn’t say that,” Veronica says. “A little beside the point at this time anyway. How long has she been like this?”

“About five minutes. She did this once before when Dawn got kidnapped,” Xander says.

“What happened then?”

“I went inside her head,” Willow whispers. “Not an option this time and if you’re right about this demon, then probably not helpful.”

“Dawn’s at school, right?” Veronica says.

“Thankfully,” Willow tells her.

“Did you call Spike?”

“Spike has a phone?” Xander asks.

Veronica rolls her eyes and pulls her cell out of her pocket, grateful she makes him carry a cell at all times now.

“Spike, get over here. Something’s wrong with Buffy. I’ll explain when you get here.” She hangs up and turns to Willow. “I can try and ID the demon if you get me some books.”

Xander and Willow look at each other before finally acting and Willow leaves the room.

Before she gets back Buffy stirs suddenly and wakes up.

“Buffy,” Xander shouts, “Buffy, are you okay?”

“She was catatonic, not deaf,” Veronica tells him.

“What happened?” Buffy asks, looking around.

“You tell us,” Xander says. “You disappeared into the land of Buffy’s head. Worried us and everything.”

“It must be the demon,” Buffy says slowly, like she’s not sure she believes it.

“Willow’s getting some books,” Veronica tells her.

Willow comes back in and exclaims about them not calling her though how she didn’t hear Xander’s shouts Veronica doesn’t know.

Before they can do any more explaining Spike bursts into the room, smoking as per usual, and looks around frantically before seeing a functioning Buffy and dropping into nonchalant mode in practically two seconds.

He’s obviously sticking close to the house, Veronica has time to observe before people start talking at once and Veronica can barely hear herself think.

“Calm down,” she yells over everyone. When they all stop talking and look at her she continues. “Buffy, wanna tell us what happened? All of us want to help.”

Buffy stands up and faces them all as if determined not to show weakness. Spike is leaning against the doorjamb, studying his fingernails as if he doesn’t even care. Like that makes sense.

“I was, uh, checking houses on that list with Veronica, and looking for Warren and his pals and then, bam! Some kind of gross, waxy demon-thing poked me.”

“And when you say poke...” Xander coaches.

Buffy rolls her eyes.

“In the arm. It stung me or something, and then I was like- no, it-it wasn't like. I was in an institution. There were, um, doctors and nurses and-and other patients. They-they told me that I was sick. I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and-and all of this, it - none of it - was real.”

“Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?”

He pauses and frowns and Veronica just hopes he doesn’t hurt his brain.

“I know how this must sound, but...it felt so real. Mom was there.”

“She was?” comes Dawn’s voice from the entryway.

They all jump.

“You’re home,” Willow says as if that’s not the most obvious thing said ever.

Buffy just nods in answer to Dawn’s question.

“Dad too. They were together like they used to be...before Sunnydale.”

There’s an awkward silence before Willow stands up and raises her hand.

“Okay! All in favor of research?” Xander is the only one to raise his hand but Willow doesn’t seem to notice. “Motion passed. All right, Xander, you hit the demon bars. Dig up any info on a new player in town.”

“Shouldn’t Spike be doing that?” Veronica interjects.

Willow looks at her in annoyance before smiling fakely.

“Sure, if Spike wants to do that. I’m sure there’s someone in this town he hasn’t pissed off yet.”

“Don’t count on it, Red,” Spike says from the doorway, glowering.

“Spike,” Veronica says warningly. “If you wanna find some information that will be good, won’t it? I will try and ID the demon with Willow. Xander, your fiancée was looking really swamped as I left the shop. Maybe you should see if she needs any help.”

“I know you’re new here and everything,” Willow says snidely, “but generally demon research comes before Anya’s personal life.”

“I wonder if it comes before Xander’s personal life since it is his wedding too,” Veronica says sweetly. “Besides, if we’re all going with our area of expertise here then it makes the most sense for Spike to work with the demons, me to ID it since I was there, you to help me since you’re knowledgeable about magic, and Xander to go help the person he’s pledged to support for the rest of his life.”

“I get the point,” Xander says, jumping up and heading for the door. “Call me the minute you know anything. Maybe we can come by later.”

“Bring donuts,” Willow calls after him sulkily.

“What can I do?” Dawn asks, looking to Veronica while Willow purses her lips and starts to fire up her laptop.

“Why don’t you bring your homework down here and keep us company while we look? I’ll run things by you when I get stuck,” Veronica says.

Dawn nods, seemingly happy to be included.

Veronica looks at Buffy, but the other woman just looks relieved to not be making any decisions. Spike, on the other hand, looks like a proud papa.

“Can I go now, boss?” he asks, smirking at her.

“Do you want Logan to go with you?” Veronica asks. “I’m sure he’d like to help.”

“I’ll ring him up,” Spike says, saluting her and heading out the door.

Veronica sends Buffy upstairs where she seems to disappear into that other reality again and then prepares to subject herself to an extremely sulky Willow.

Buffy’s voice stops her.

“I was there again. They told me I’m sick. That this world isn’t real.”

“You are not in an institution. You have never been in an institution,” Veronica tells her gently sitting on the bed.

“Yes, I have,” Buffy says in a small voice.

“What?”

“Back when I saw my first vampires I got so scared. I told my parents and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic.”

“You never said anything.”

Veronica’s totally surprised. She can’t imagine what that must be like.

“I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it, and they let me go. Eventually my parents just...forgot.”

“That's horrible,” Veronica says softly.

Buffy starts to cry and Veronica doesn’t know what to do. It’s like seeing her dad cry. It’s just not right.

“What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic?”

Veronica holds onto her and shushes her and before she knows it, Buffy’s gone again.

Veronica goes downstairs and makes a quick phone call before sitting down at the table and listening to Dawn talk about school and looking through endless books that Willow hands her in a tense silence.

They do find the demon even if there's no possible way Veronica can pronounce the name and she sighs in relief.

“No magic required?” she asks Willow.

“Nope, just mix-y things,” Willow tells her, a little bit less grumpy.

“I’m gonna call Logan and Spike.”

Willow frowns again.

Veronica calls her boyfriend who is indeed with Spike, who grumbles a lot in the background once Veronica somehow manages to communicate the name of the demon, and they go hunting for it so Willow can make the mixture.

Veronica looks up and sees Dawn descending the stairs looking really upset, but Dawn won't tell her what's wrong.

She doesn't think that's a good sign.

Veronica spends a little time being worried about Logan and Spike, but she checks on Buffy instead of letting herself continue to do so, and lets Willow work on the antidote without interfering. She helps Dawn with some of her homework and then works on some of her own. She calls Xander and informs him as to what’s going on. In short, she just tries to stay busy.

It’s hard, the waiting periods, the in between times, the bit where you’re not physically doing something to remedy something. But stakeouts have taught her to be nothing but patient, so she waits.

Logan and Spike bring the demon back and tie it up in the basement and Willow starts to work in earnest.

Veronica tells Spike what’s happening so far and together they take the antidote up to Buffy when it’s ready.

Once Veronica tells Buffy what’s going on she leaves, letting Spike talk to her. She can hear bits of their conversation as she waits outside the door.

Buffy says something about the other world being easier.

Spike’s blunt reply is easier to hear.

“Let yourself live, already. And stop with the bloody hero trip for a sec. We'd all be the better for it.”

He storms out of the room and Veronica follows him without checking on Buffy. One thing at a time, she tells herself.

It’s not the smartest thing she’s ever done, but it’s been a stressful day.

When she gets back downstairs she finds Spike and Dawn talking in the kitchen while Logan is awkwardly trying to talk to Willow.

“I’m gonna get out of here,” Spike says, coming over. “Need to clear my head. Let the Slayer breathe through her paces. Let me know how it goes, yeah?”

“Spike…” Veronica says, wanting to berate him for what he said, but not really knowing how to “…okay. Stick close. She might need you.”

“She needs a bloody head shrink,” he growls and heads out the door.

Veronica stares after him thinking that Buffy must have really said something horrible because in her experience Spike doesn’t leave. He just doesn’t.

“I’m going upstairs,” Dawn says and heads up.

Willow resolutely ignores Veronica so she leads Logan outside to sit on the porch in peace.

“Heavy day?” he asks.

“The heaviest,” she says, leaning her head on his shoulder.

There’s a scuffling sound behind them and they look at each other before running back into the house. There’s a whistling sound through the air and a frying pan hits Logan on the back of the head and he goes down without a sound. Veronica’s heart hits her throat, but she ducks and avoids the same fate.

It’s Buffy.

“What are you doing?” Veronica asks, circling the island warily.

“Finding the real world,” Buffy says evenly.

She jumps over the island and shoves Veronica into the fridge. Veronica kicks her and ducks another punch. She’s never fully appreciated just how lethal Buffy is until this minute. Not even when she was her. They’ve never really sparred before and while Veronica trains with Spike all the time he’s impeded by his chip from really working her. At least until recently for some reason. Buffy’s obviously having no such compunction and Veronica finds herself fighting for her life.

She grabs Buffy’s wrist and tries to pin her, but the Slayer head butts her from behind and Veronica sees stars. It’s all it takes for duct tape to pin her arms behind her back and Buffy slings her over one shoulder and grabs Logan with the other arm and carries them down to the basement where Willow is already trussed up and eying the demon tied up across from her with trepidation.

Veronica shakes her head and tries to roll off of Buffy’s back but the Slayer grips her tighter and tapes her to a column.

She disappears back upstairs without a word. She looks to see if she can see Logan, but he’s been dumped across from her and he’s not moving. Willow’s mouth is duct taped shut and she’s lying at an unnatural angle.

Then Veronica and Willow look at each other with frightened eyes because Dawn is backing down the stairs, trying to plead with a resolute Slayer.

“Buffy, look at me. I'm right here. You're my sister. I need you and love you. Somewhere inside you must know that's real.”

“Sure it is. Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution...”

“Don't. Please, listen to me.”

“…or some kind of supergirl chosen to...fight demons and save the world. That's ridiculous.”

Buffy kicks Dawn down the rest of the stairs and the girl lands in a huddled heap. Veronica struggles to break free but she’s not super strong.

“Dawn, it’ll be okay,” she says. “We’ll do something.”

“Like what?” the girl shouts as her sister handcuffs her to the stair railing.

Veronica doesn’t want to know where Buffy got the handcuffs.

Buffy crosses over to the tied up demon and slowly unties it then scurries under the stairs with her hands clasped to her head, groaning.

“Buffy, please,” Veronica shouts, “Buffy, you have to stop this.”

“You’re not real,” Buffy whimpers. “I have to do this.”

She goes quiet and Veronica guesses she’s in that other world.

There’s a soft step on the stairs as the demon obviously tries to decide which person to go after first.

“Eximete!” comes Tara’s welcome voice from the stairs and Veronica’s never been so glad she asked someone for help before in her life.

Their bonds dissolve in a flash of magic and Veronica rushes to help Dawn.

“Vis zenobia! S-solvere!” Tara says again and the demon flies across the room, hitting the wall hard.

Buffy’s hand sneaks up through the stairs and pulls on Tara’s leg, making her fall.

“Tara!” Willow cries and goes to help her.

Veronica stands up and faces the demon for the second time in two days and she doesn’t much like her chances this time.

She ducks and weaves and tries to stay alive, but the demon throws her against the wall and she cries out in pain. She struggles to get back up but then Buffy is suddenly there, shouldering her way in front of the demon’s path to Veronica.

Buffy fights silently without any of her usual puns or grunts - she’s determined, like she’s fighting more than just the physical demon in front of her. Veronica stands back, grabbing a wrench left on the shelf above the washing machine just in case she needs to fight again. Either Buffy or the demon.

It’s a tense few moments and then there’s a crack and the demon’s neck is broken.

Everyone just breathes and looks, waiting.

Buffy straightens up and turns around.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I thought that world was real.”

Veronica’s first concern is making sure Logan’s okay. He’s still breathing but she calls an ambulance anyway and lets Tara and Willow make awkward conversation.

It’s a bit hard after that. Dawn’s upset and Buffy seems to want to avoid contact with anyone while Willow makes another antidote quickly and they all watch Buffy drink it this time.

It’s all a bit anti-climactic and yet, very obviously, a set-back for both Buffy’s road to recovery and her relationship with Dawn.

Spike comes back as soon as Veronica calls him and Buffy stops trying to get through to Dawn long enough to thank Veronica for everything she did.

“It’s what friends do,” Veronica says after a moment. “Though I think that whole ‘sticking a knife in your friend’s front’ proverb isn’t meant to be literal.”

“I’ll remember for next time,” Buffy says, looking sad. “But I mean it. You see more clearly and you get things done. Don’t let them bully you.”

“I obviously didn’t,” Veronica says.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy says, putting a hesitant hand on an unconscious Logan’s shoulder.

“He’ll be okay,” Veronica says, as much to herself as to Buffy.

Tara’s gone up to be with Dawn and Willow’s calling Xander.

The last thing Veronica hears before she climbs in the back of the ambulance is Buffy apologizing to Spike and them hugging each other.

She just hopes that can last.

At the hospital, the doctors assure her Logan will be fine, just a bad concussion, and he’ll need to stay overnight for observation.

She sits by his bedside and she digests the events of the day and she wants to cry but she doesn’t want him to wake up to her tears. So she opens her laptop and checks her email.

There’s an answer back from Giles. It’s short and to the point.

Coming to wedding. We’ll talk then. I have a plan.

She’s not sure if that’s comforting or not, but at least she’s gotten confirmation that the technology-resistant man is receiving her messages.

She spends a few more minutes trying not to cry and tries to do some reading.

“ ‘Ronica?” comes a drowsy voice from the bed.

She leans forward and clasps Logan’s hand.