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jesterladyficMy new Smallville fic, the first of four parts
Title: A Masterpiece of Meticulous Exactitude
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Chloe/Oliver, Clark/Lois, Lex/Lana
Summary: Oliver, Clark and Lex cook up an idea for the whole team to participate in. If only things would go right for once.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. The title is from a Deep Space Nine Episode.
A/N: This is crack, okay? It takes place in a future, AU where everything's exactly the way I want it. So, just saying that I realize that everything's exaggerated and timelines aren't matching and people are behaving oddly. It's supposed to be that way. I got the idea for this fic when in Wither, Lionel said Oliver was really good at the school plays at Excelsior. I wanted to write a fic where Lex wasn't evil and he and Oliver were friends. I know it's canon and destiny, but Lex used to be my favorite character until Ollie came around and I'm just sick of everyone hating him. Also, while I'm usually the first in line to throw kyryptonite when Clark is being sanctimonious and idiotic, I've been reading too much fic lately where it's too over the top. He's not that bad. Anyway, they're all friends and all my pairings are together and the team and that makes me happy.
Part One: The Proposal
Oliver sighed and drummed his fingers on the table, bored out of his mind. Lex had better have a good reason for being this late. Oliver had rushed through his board meeting and hung up early on a call with his wife to make this lunch on time. Lex should have done the same, but Oliver knew his friend had never learned the same niceties the rest of the world revolved around.
“I hope I haven't kept you waiting,” Lex said smoothly as he finally dropped into his place opposite Oliver.
“That's exactly what you hoped, Lex,” Oliver said, rolling his eyes.
Lex raised an almost non-existent eyebrow.
“Is that right?”
“Yes, that's right. Don't worry, I'm over it, so you can save whatever example of historical patience you were planning on dredging out of the dust of time and decide what to order because I'm starving.” Lex chuckled slightly before perusing the menu, making a show of taking his time. Oliver resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. “So, how's it going getting reintegrated back into LuthorCorp? Tess giving you a hard time?”
“My little sister adores giving me a hard time,” Lex said, looking up from his menu. “I think she figures it's her due for having been practically disinherited most of her life.”
“You can't lie to me, Lex, you like it when she messes with you. You two are practically adult sized children trying for a second childhood.”
“We did miss the first one,” Lex pointed out.
“Fine,” Oliver conceded. “So, why were you late today?”
Lex winced.
“I'm afraid not everyone was as happy as you and Tess to see me back. Some of the board members were having collective fits and starting fires that I had to see to. My apologies for being late.”
“Apologize to my stomach,” Oliver said good-naturedly. He understood how hard it was to come back from the dead and try to take charge of a Fortune 500 company. “I can relate to that.”
“My apologies,” Lex said, quite seriously, in the direction of Oliver's midriff. “Yes, I imagine you can.”
“We should do something to get your mind off it. A little side project to help you feel the world isn't really out to get you.”
“I hate to break it to you, Oliver, but the world really is out to get me. Not to mention the fact that you have quite a few responsibilities yourself and don't really have the time to do anything else.”
“That's no problem! What are these responsibilities you speak of? I can't think of anything.” Oliver made sure his tone was as dry as paper.
“Running Queen Industries? Patrolling the streets of Metropolis at night dressed in restricting green tig-leather? Leading the Justice League? Being married to Chloe? I'm sure some of this must be ringing a bell.”
Oliver shook his head.
“Fine, something all of us could do together. You and Lana, me and Chloe, Clark and Lois, the team. It'll be like a team-building exercise. Most of us are too good at being loners.”
“That's the understatement of the century.”
“Do you think they'll put it in the record books?”
Lex was saved from having to answer by the waiter coming to take their orders. After he had gone, Oliver leaned his elbows on the table and eyed his friend.
“Come on, Lex, let's have an adventure.”
Lex sighed and took a sip of his water, but Oliver knew he'd won. Lex had never been able to say no to him, not at school, not in business.
“The legendary Queen charm can chalk one more up for the win column,” Lex said finally and Oliver grinned.
“Queen 15, Luthor 12.”
“You're forgetting about Paraguay.”
“Fine, Paraguay's yours. But I was leaving off Scotland, just to be fair.”
Lex grimaced but raised his glass in silent concession.
“So, what is this wild adventure that's supposed to take my mind off all my problems?”
“I'll think of something,” Oliver said, waving such tedious concerns aside. “In the meantime, tell me how Bruce was when you saw him.”
“The cocky idiot wasn't at his best, half falling over some blonde in the back of his limo.”
“It's the cost of being a billionaire vigilante,” Oliver said.
“We got wives,” Lex said, “he could as well.”
“Our wives fell into our laps,” Oliver said. “We were the luckiest idiots alive.”
“I'll only agree with you because it's Chloe and Lana,” Lex said.
“Queen 17-”
“That wasn't a win, Queen.”
“Fine, Luthor, we'll just call that us being on equal terms.”
“About the only time we are,” Lex said cockily.
Oliver smirked in return.
“I wonder which way you've got that inequality in your head.”
“Probably the opposite to the way you have.”
“Probably. But back to Bruce, I wish I could have gone. It would have been like the old Excelsior days.”
“Days I'm not so anxious to repeat.”
“Okay, so we weren't the currently charming fellows we are now, but we grew on you.”
“Slightly,” Lex acknowledged.
“And you were a bit of a-”
“If we're going to reminisce about old times, be prepared to get as good as you give, Oliver.”
Suddenly Oliver didn't feel like talking about certain subjects anymore.
“I'm talking about the good times, Lex. Like senior year when we played football on Thanksgiving or the car wash or the night before prom.”
Lex grinned happily.
“Those are the times I'm willing to discuss.”
“Oh, the best one,” Oliver said, “the play.”
“That was the best night of my life up until recently,” Lex said. “I even considered acting as a career to piss off my dad.”
“I almost wish you had, but I doubt we'd be sitting here today if that was the case.”
“You just want to be the big man on campus.”
“There is no campus anymore, Lex, we graduated and got old.”
“So that's why you work out for two hours every day and patrol all night when you're not ravishing Chloe like a horny teenager?”
“That's my wife you're talking about.”
“I was sort of at the wedding,” Lex reminded him.
“That's replaced the play as my best night,” Oliver said, his mind drifting back.
“Focus, Queen,” Lex said, snapping his fingers as their food was brought out to them. “I have to be back at the office in half an hour or I might not be able to afford eating here anymore.”
“I'll give you a food allowance,” Oliver said, loading his fork with steak.
“Thanks, Dad,” Lex muttered.
“We should dig out that tape,” Oliver said, “and show it to the girls.”
“That's a good idea. Maybe that can be our grand adventure.”
“That's hardly an adventure; no, it would be just the prelude.”
Then Oliver got the best idea he'd ever had.
“I know that look; don't tell me, I don't want to know.”
“Oh, Lex, this is going to make your year, your decade.”
“I'm sure it's going to make something.”
“We're going to put on the play.”
Lex blinked.
“Come again?”
“We are going to dust off our scripts, pull out the rusty over-acting skills and put on the play.”
“That's your idea of an adventure?”
“And the team can be the extra bits, oh, it's perfect.”
Lex started to object again.
“Oliver, we don't have time for this.”
“We'll make the time. We're superheroes, Lex. Besides, it's been really quiet on the evil front lately. The girls are chomping at the bit for quality time, you need a distraction from all your issues and we can practice everything at the same time.”
Oliver could see Lex being drawn in despite himself. His friend tried so very hard to put on a stoic front at all times, but Oliver knew how nerdy Lex really was deep inside and how much he liked to do stuff like this.
Lex began to grin and Oliver knew he'd won again.
Queen 18, Luthor 13.
***
Clark stared at his two best friends like they were out of their minds. As far as he was concerned, they were.
“You want to do what?”
“No, Clark,” Oliver said, “your hearing has not gone the way of disappeared powers. We are going to put on a play!”
Clark turned desperately to Lex.
“And you approve? Come on, you're the one who's supposed to stop him when he gets like this.”
Lex got the slightly manic grin on his face that he only wore when Oliver had coerced him into something.
“I had my doubts, Clark. But I have to say, I think it will be a great morale builder for the team. The girls will love it and Oliver and I had so much fun doing the last one.”
“You were teenagers with trust funds and nothing else to do! You have responsibilities now.”
“It's true, what they’re saying,” Oliver said, turning to Lex.
“I fear so,” he answered sorrowfully.
“What's true?” Clark asked, folding his arms across his chest, feeling like he was about to get blindsided.
“That Superman's in a bit of a rut.” Oliver's face would match wounded puppies.
“Wearing himself thin.” Lex's wasn't much better.
“Putting the safety of the world at risk with too much stress.”
“Not able to get past his alien side and enjoy life.”
“Going to crack under the pressure.”
“Having troubles at home.”
Clark cut in before the duo went any further.
“I get the picture. Did Lois complain to either of you? Or to your wives?”
Oliver and Lex looked at each other innocently.
Clark sighed, knowing he was being played, but unable to resist the temptation his friends presented him with.
“I give up. Let's put on a stupid play.”
Oliver and Lex grinned and patted him on the back.
“That's the way,” Oliver said. “Now you'll be a happy alien and stop bringing everyone down.”
“Now I'm more likely to be a broody alien since I'm being strong-armed into things I don't really want to do.”
“Strong-armed?” scoffed Lex. “This from the Man of Steel?”
“Oh, my friend,” Oliver said, “you won't feel that way when we're doing it. There's no business like show business, after all.”
Lex was obviously trying to fight laughing and Clark simply rolled his eyes.
“So, now what?”
“Now we call an emergency team meeting and let everyone know!” Oliver clapped his hands together and rushed over to the computers.
Clark rushed after him, panicking.
“Uh, that might be a little too much. Emergency? It's not, right? Oliver?”
Oliver ignored him and Clark put his hand over his eyes.
***
“I think they finally cracked and landed in Nutville,” Lois said, hands on hips as she surveyed her fiancée and his two billionaire friends.
Lex could practically see her cataloguing their eccentricities and filing it away for a future story.
“Now, Lois, let's not jump to conclusions,” Chloe said slowly. “We've all pulled some wacky hijinks over the years. Maybe they're meteor infected...with play obsession.”
“Clark wouldn't be,” Lex pointed out, ignoring the fact that it was a ridiculous suggestion to begin with and Chloe had to know it.
“Still, I'm scanning you all, just to be sure,” she said briskly and walked over to her precious monitors which Lex really wished she wouldn't do because he was feeling stupid enough as it was; he didn't need to be poked and prodded, checking to see if the meteors had finally caused him to flip the big one.
“Chloe, we're all fine,” Oliver said, walking over and running his hands up and down her arms. “Lex and I got to talking about our school days and we're just reminiscing...tangibly. We want you all to be a part of it. Even Clark's excited!”
“You, Clark and Lex would be excited if you decided to start standing on your heads,” Lois said sharply.
“I'm out of here,” Dinah said, heading for the door. “I didn't fly halfway across the country for an emergency rehearsal.”
“Come on, Dinah,” Oliver said, pleading in his voice, “we should all do it together. It won't be any fun without everyone.”
“Where's his wife?” Tess asked suddenly, from her position by the doors, as if ready to run. “I notice one of our billionaires is missing his other half. Why isn't she here?”
Everybody looked to Lex and he suddenly wished he was an only child.
“Well, uh, I told her and she hopped a plane to Europe. She said she'd be back when I'd gotten it all out of my system.” He smiled somewhat sheepishly at them all.
“How come Lana gets to run?” Dinah queried.
“Come on, guys. Lana's not really a part of the team anyway,” Oliver said.
“It's true,” Lex admitted. “Even she'll tell you that.”
“Clark,” Chloe said suspiciously, “you've been awfully mum on the play proposal. What are your thoughts?”
“I, uh, I think it would be...fun.”
“Oh, give it a rest, Smallville,” Lois protested. “You’re just riding the billionaire fun express like the rest of us.”
“I do think it would be fun,” Clark said, drawing close to her. “I was...incredulous at first, but I think we should do it. Spend some time together.”
“Real time?” she asked. “Time where you don't go running off every other second to the other side of the world?”
“I promise,” he said.
Lois smiled up at him and Lex knew that at least half the battle was won. Lois would bully everyone into doing it if she saw something in it for her. Even without her Oliver could get the team to do anything if only one person agreed with him. A small, blonde someone who was currently looking unhappy.
“Well, I think a play's the best idea our big man leader's ever had,” Bart cut in.
AC and Dinah each made moves for him, but he was already on the other side of the room at the top of the stairs.
“Wanna let the grownups handle this?” Victor asked him.
“Come on, man, I know you were at my 21st, so don't pull that kid crap with me.”
Victor muttered something that Lex could see by Clark's expression wasn't very complimentary.
“Everyone will have parts,” Oliver said, obviously trying to smooth things over. “Lex and I will buy the costumes and props and scenery. We'll do it her-” he stopped when Chloe opened her mouth, “-we'll do it at the mansion.”
He shot Lex an apologetic glance which Lex received, knowing it really was the only thing Oliver could have done.
“A word in private, Mr. Investor?” Chloe said and Oliver practically bounded beside her off to the side while Lex inwardly held his breath.
This really was the crucial moment. He stepped close to Clark and motioned with his head toward the pair.
Clark gave him a disapproving look and Lex restrained himself from shaking him.
“I'll be the first to say your hyped up morals are a benefit, Clark, but now is not the time.”
Clark pursed his lips, but tilted his head toward Chloe and Oliver and started whispering everything he overheard.
“Most of the time I'm fine with the little bromance the three of you have going on,” Chloe said, “but when you start involving the team, Watchtower and my wife time, I'm going to get snippy.”
“We'll still have husband and wife time,” Oliver said. “This is for our husband and wife time.”
“I know it was my doing, but I'm going to go ahead and put a ban on the saying 'husband and wife time,' okay?”
“Probably best,” he agreed.
“I'm just skeptical about how much time we'll actually spend together.”
“You could be my leading lady,” Oliver said, sliding closer and to the back of her, so that he was breathing down her neck. Chloe's head arched back and Oliver used the opportunity to get access to her neck.
“He's not playing fair, is he?” Lex observed with a smile.
“It's his only option,” Clark replied, obviously trying to keep listening and not watch at the same time.
“If you're going to play the title part, Oliver, you'll be in practically every scene; you'll be everyone's leading man.”
“But there's only one person I'll be kissing,” he said, putting his arm around her waist.
“Sex is not the answer, Ollie.”
Lex could see she was weakening. Despite the very real danger of Chloe pulling the plug on the whole thing, he knew that she was just as susceptible to Oliver's charm as the rest of the world. Even more so really. They were each wrapped around the other's finger.
“But it is a bonus,” Oliver whispered.
Chloe turned to face him.
“Well, I've actually always liked the idea of us being that particular pair.”
“Hmmm, I wonder why?” He threaded his fingers through her hair.
“No talking out of turn now,” she admonished him, reaching up for a kiss.
“So, we're acting folk now?”
“Should evil allow.”
He grinned and kissed her again, this time lasting so long even Lex felt uncomfortable.
“Break it up,” AC told them from across the room. “We can already guess the play's now the thing.”
Lex's eyebrows raised, he wouldn't have pegged AC for a Shakespeare aficionado.
Dinah folded her arms grumpily.
“One sappy love scene and I'm out of here.”
“Okay,” Oliver said, bouncing more than Bart on his way back to join the group, “everyone go home, get whatever you need for an extended stay in Metropolis, clear all schedules, fight all crime and be back here by tomorrow night for casting. Lex and I will get everything ready.”
“I'm going to regret this,” Chloe said to herself and Lex chuckled.
“Maybe all of us will, Mrs. Queen, but we'll have fun doing it.”
She looked wryly at him, but didn't disagree.
Lex looked around him, noting Bart and Victor arguing over who was the better actor on missions that required such things, AC picking up the copy of the play Oliver had brought with him, and Tess trying to edge out the door.
“Oh, no you don't, Lutessa,” he said, keeping her from leaving.
Tess sighed before she turned to face him.
“And what would I do, Alexander?”
“I've the perfect role in mind for you,” he said, grinning, “and Luthors never shirk their duty.”
“I'd be careful if I were you, Lex,” she said pointedly, “of trying to reel me in with the Luthor name. It's still hard to claim it as my own.”
“Hey, you can be a Mercer. With Oliver still calling you Mercy up and down the conference room table, it'd be pretty hard not to be.”
She smiled slightly.
“So, just one little thing I was wondering?”
“What's that, sis?”
“Who are we putting this play on for exactly?”
Lex paused, he hadn't really thought about that. Most likely Oliver hadn't either.
“Well...”
***
Oliver was practically pacing in his desire to get everything started. He and Lex had canceled everything but the bare essentials that would keep Queen Industries and LuthorCorp running and keep Lex from getting kicked off his own board. Tess had graciously offered to run interference. Oliver had had to do a bit of that himself to keep Lex from backing out by making up lots of excuses for him and Lex to need to be meeting together and getting all board members involved to buy it. But it was worth it. Tess would let them both know if anything too urgent came up and their companies could get along without their CEOs for a few months. As for the League, well, Oliver had put Watchtower to work spreading the requests for extra backup among the superhero community. They worked hard to protect the world without fail year round; they were all due a break.
Lex walked back into his study, drinks in hand.
“Calm down, Oliver. They'll get here soon enough.”
“What if the plane was late?”
“It's your jet, it'll be fine.”
“What if they all back out?”
“We'll freeze their funds and they'll come running.”
Oliver grinned at Lex.
“Sometimes I like the way you think.”
“Only sometimes?”
“When you're not bent on destroying the world, you're quite the genius.”
“I thought that was when I was being a genius,” Lex said, with only a hint of bitterness in his tone.
Oliver clinked his drink to Lex's.
“No, you're on the right track now.”
“This is the way it should be,” Lex agreed. “Admittedly, it's a lot less sneaky.”
“You'll survive,” Oliver said, distracted again by his paranoia.
Lex sighed and placated him again.
“Mia will get here, the others won't back out. Try to relax.”
Oliver nodded and let Lex work on his laptop uninterrupted while he had his own quiet panic attack. He figured he was allowed as this whole thing was his baby.
He and Lex had dragged Chloe, Lois and Clark back to the mansion when everyone else had left the 'emergency meeting,' even as Chloe lectured him on proper use of the term emergency, and started getting everything ready. Clark had kept leaving to go save the world, and by one am, the girls had zonked out on the couch, leaving Oliver and Lex making all the decisions.
Which everyone else was probably going to regret when they found out the casting decisions. Oliver and Lex had almost come to blows about some of them. Lex had sulked about type-casting and threatened to give up the idea. Oliver had won him over with charm and flattery, reminding him that he already knew the part and that no one could play it like him.
Now, all that was left was to convince everyone else. And he could panic about that if he wanted to no matter how much Lex teased him about it.
There was a knock at the door and Oliver hastened to open it.
Mia stuck her head in the door, obviously unsure.
“Right mansion?”
“Right mansion,” Oliver said, enveloping her in a hug.
She returned it gingerly.
“I can't believe you got me out of school for a play. You do know we do those at school already, right?”
“Enjoy your opportunity and the ridiculous strings I pulled for no real reason,” Oliver told her.
“Oh, I'm enjoying. I'm just kinda surprised by this whole acting bug.”
“It's not every day I get to dress up and be someone else.”
She just looked at him and then he laughed.
“Okay, it is every day, but that's more like dressing up and being myself.”
“And how is this play any different really?”
“You'll see,” he said mysteriously, leading her over to the couch where Lex had stood to greet her.
“Mia, you're looking well.”
“Thanks for having me,” she said.
“Thanks for coming on such short notice. I'm afraid when Oliver gets an idea he isn't that subtle about getting it done as fast as possible.”
“I figure, why wait? I've wasted half of my life, I'm gonna do good things with the rest.”
“Like putting on plays with your friends that no one will ever see and spending a ridiculous amount of money?” Lex queried, deadpan.
Oliver shoved him slightly and turned his attention back to pacing. Sure, the lack of an audience was a bit disconcerting, but they were only doing this for themselves and the lack of critics around would probably be more of an incentive for the most stage shy among them.
Bart breezed into the room and five seconds later, so did Clark. Lex did the customary grabbing for papers to no avail and cursed as he bent to pick them up.
“Too slow, my man,” Bart said, laughing.
“You had to throw that trashcan in my way.”
“It wouldn't have made a dent and you know it.”
“I imagine Lois will be really happy to know you were racing instead of saving people,” Lex said, finally straightening up.
“Lois!” Clark said, turning bright red and whooshing past Chloe on her way in.
“Clark forget Lois again?” she asked, making her way to Oliver's side.
He relaxed visibly when she wrapped her arms around him. With her there, he could do anything, even put on a play with a bunch of dysfunctional superheroes.
“I guess so.”
There was another whooshing sound and Clark came back with Lois in his arms, a half eaten donut in her hand.
“Keep that up, Clark,” she said, “and you're going to be wearing the other half of this.”
“Sorry,” he said, putting her down and pecking her on the cheek.
“You're forgiven,” she said, “but only because I'm curious to see what these idiots actually came up with.”
“You mean while you were snoring on the couch and keeping us from concentrating?” Oliver teased her.
“Watch it, Queen,” she said.
Oliver simply smirked at her and rested his chin on Chloe's head. Lois muttered to herself and plopped down on the couch next to Mia.
“Oh, Mia,” Chloe said, detaching herself from Oliver, causing him to frown, “I'm so glad you made it in time. How was the flight?”
“Jet-like,” Mia said.
“You could've said the word and I would've had you here in seconds,” Bart said, flinging a companion-ly arm around her shoulder as he sat next to her.
Oliver cleared his throat in warning, all dad censors on high alert. Bart removed his arm, but flashed him an unrepentant grin. Chloe rolled her eyes at Oliver and he blew her a kiss upon which she did it again.
AC and Dinah showed up with Victor in tow and Oliver nearly made a dive for the notes he and Lex had compiled.
“Tess is gonna be late,” he said, “so we'll just start.”
“This better be good,” Dinah grumbled, sitting down on the couch, “and not just an opportunity for you to practice shooting.”
“I promise goodness,” Oliver said recklessly.
Chloe shot him a look and he gave himself an inward nudge to tone it down. He didn't want them all flying for cover when his natural exuberance went into overdrive.
“So, there were just the right number of parts,” Lex said, passing out scripts.
“Says you,” Lois scoffed. “Do you know how many women there are in Robin Hood? I'm thinking of picketing outside with feminism brochures.”
“Which will be of lasting political and societal impact, I'm sure,” Lex said.
“We know there's not a lot of female roles,” Oliver interceded before a throw down occurred, “but we've got a few roles we think will suffice. So, Lois, you'll be Clorinda, shepherdess, and now handmaiden to one Maid Marian.”
“That's the skimpiest role ever,” Lois said, “there's nothing to it.”
“It's an important role, Lo,” Chloe said, obviously trying to pacify her irate cousin.
“It's fish bait,” Lois said, but didn't say anything else, flipping through the pages of her script furiously.
“Bart, you'll be Much the Miller's Son.”
Bart snatched his script and Oliver blinked because the other man was on the other side of the room having just finished reading it.
“For the last time, people, I'm actually an adult,” he snapped at them.
“That wasn't why,” Lex protested. “It was a personality thing, deal with it.”
Oliver hastily turned to Victor.
“How does Friar Tuck sound?”
“Boring.”
“He could fight,” Oliver tempted.
Victor quirked an eyebrow.
“We'll see.”
Oliver sighed and turned to AC and Dinah.
“Now...just hear me out. AC, you're Alan a Dale and, Dinah, you're his wife.”
“Oh, you've got to be kidding me,” Dinah said, reading the script. AC turned bright red and looked at his own. “He has to rescue her!” Dinah said angrily. “This is the worst play ever.”
“We can negotiate,” Oliver said. He'd known that would have to be done.
“And just who is the illustrious Robin Hood?” Dinah asked. “As if we couldn't guess.”
“It...makes sense,” Oliver said, wounded. “And so does making Chloe Maid Marian.”
“At least you aren't being told you have to be the villain...again,” Lex, or Prince John, stated.
“Moving on...” Oliver said before Lex could start up that old argument. “Mia, how do you feel about playing Will Scarlet?”
“A guy?”
“He matches your uniform and he's got pretty good aim,” Oliver tempted.
Mia smiled wryly at him.
“For you only.”
“That's my girl,” he said proudly.
“I'm going to be sick,” Dinah said, not even looking up from her script.
“What am I going to be?” Clark asked, his tone suggesting he'd been forgotten.
“Little John, who else?” Chloe said, patting his arm.
“So...then the only other part-” Oliver was interrupted by Tess coming in. “Ah, perfect timing there, Mercy. Wanna know who you got?”
“I can make a wild guess,” she said flatly, pouring herself a scotch.
“It's so very type-casting,” Lex muttered in the background.
“It was your idea!” Oliver said.
“I'm talking about me,” Lex said.
“Oh, well, anyway...Tess, you're gonna be the Sheriff.”
“Go Nottingham,” she said, still expressionless.
“Don't be like that, guys,” Oliver pleaded. “Just think about it. It's going to be awesome.”
Looking around at the group, Oliver studied each of their faces. He knew each of them better than anyone else in his whole life.
Lois was studying her part with a devious glint in her eye that made Oliver nervous. She'd obviously thought of some way of getting back at him for giving her such a paltry role.
Clark was looking quite panicked, probably at the thought of having to learn so many lines. He was also probably going to try to back out at many points.
Bart was amusing himself by reading the script over and over, faster than any of them could read it once. The little imp probably already had his part memorized and was planning ways to annoy them all in lieu of actual rehearsing.
Victor was analyzing the script, most likely using his internal databases to review everything anyone had ever written on Robin Hood. Oliver thought he was probably doing a million other things at the same time. The man could multi-task like no other.
AC was reading and sneaking looks at Dinah when he thought she wasn't looking. His face got redder and redder and he was most likely contemplating ways to get arrested for some activist rally so he wouldn't have to participate. Oliver made a mental note to keep an eye on him.
Dinah was silently seething, casting glares at anyone who looked at her, except Lois, and Oliver looked between the two uneasily. They didn't get along usually, so when they agreed on something, he'd learned to be afraid.
Mia's eyebrows were nearly popping off her head while she read, but she was grinning and laughing with Chloe and Oliver figured the only thing she cared about was that she was out of school.
Lex was making a good show of being annoyed, but Oliver could see him restraining himself from being happy about stretching his sinister muscles and being a villain. So long as Lex only played at villainy and Oliver got to keep his friend, he could handle that.
Tess was brooding and Oliver decided to make it up to her somehow, but he and Lex had really wanted to include her and he hoped she knew that somewhere underneath the resentment.
Chloe was indulging him. She knew he was being crazy and abusing his money and privilege and power for no good reason and she was letting him because she understood the desire behind it. And that was why he loved her. She looked up at him and winked before going back to speaking with Mia.
No one had physically fought, no one had left. All in all, a good casting call.
Title: A Masterpiece of Meticulous Exactitude
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Chloe/Oliver, Clark/Lois, Lex/Lana
Summary: Oliver, Clark and Lex cook up an idea for the whole team to participate in. If only things would go right for once.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. The title is from a Deep Space Nine Episode.
A/N: This is crack, okay? It takes place in a future, AU where everything's exactly the way I want it. So, just saying that I realize that everything's exaggerated and timelines aren't matching and people are behaving oddly. It's supposed to be that way. I got the idea for this fic when in Wither, Lionel said Oliver was really good at the school plays at Excelsior. I wanted to write a fic where Lex wasn't evil and he and Oliver were friends. I know it's canon and destiny, but Lex used to be my favorite character until Ollie came around and I'm just sick of everyone hating him. Also, while I'm usually the first in line to throw kyryptonite when Clark is being sanctimonious and idiotic, I've been reading too much fic lately where it's too over the top. He's not that bad. Anyway, they're all friends and all my pairings are together and the team and that makes me happy.
Part One: The Proposal
Oliver sighed and drummed his fingers on the table, bored out of his mind. Lex had better have a good reason for being this late. Oliver had rushed through his board meeting and hung up early on a call with his wife to make this lunch on time. Lex should have done the same, but Oliver knew his friend had never learned the same niceties the rest of the world revolved around.
“I hope I haven't kept you waiting,” Lex said smoothly as he finally dropped into his place opposite Oliver.
“That's exactly what you hoped, Lex,” Oliver said, rolling his eyes.
Lex raised an almost non-existent eyebrow.
“Is that right?”
“Yes, that's right. Don't worry, I'm over it, so you can save whatever example of historical patience you were planning on dredging out of the dust of time and decide what to order because I'm starving.” Lex chuckled slightly before perusing the menu, making a show of taking his time. Oliver resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. “So, how's it going getting reintegrated back into LuthorCorp? Tess giving you a hard time?”
“My little sister adores giving me a hard time,” Lex said, looking up from his menu. “I think she figures it's her due for having been practically disinherited most of her life.”
“You can't lie to me, Lex, you like it when she messes with you. You two are practically adult sized children trying for a second childhood.”
“We did miss the first one,” Lex pointed out.
“Fine,” Oliver conceded. “So, why were you late today?”
Lex winced.
“I'm afraid not everyone was as happy as you and Tess to see me back. Some of the board members were having collective fits and starting fires that I had to see to. My apologies for being late.”
“Apologize to my stomach,” Oliver said good-naturedly. He understood how hard it was to come back from the dead and try to take charge of a Fortune 500 company. “I can relate to that.”
“My apologies,” Lex said, quite seriously, in the direction of Oliver's midriff. “Yes, I imagine you can.”
“We should do something to get your mind off it. A little side project to help you feel the world isn't really out to get you.”
“I hate to break it to you, Oliver, but the world really is out to get me. Not to mention the fact that you have quite a few responsibilities yourself and don't really have the time to do anything else.”
“That's no problem! What are these responsibilities you speak of? I can't think of anything.” Oliver made sure his tone was as dry as paper.
“Running Queen Industries? Patrolling the streets of Metropolis at night dressed in restricting green tig-leather? Leading the Justice League? Being married to Chloe? I'm sure some of this must be ringing a bell.”
Oliver shook his head.
“Fine, something all of us could do together. You and Lana, me and Chloe, Clark and Lois, the team. It'll be like a team-building exercise. Most of us are too good at being loners.”
“That's the understatement of the century.”
“Do you think they'll put it in the record books?”
Lex was saved from having to answer by the waiter coming to take their orders. After he had gone, Oliver leaned his elbows on the table and eyed his friend.
“Come on, Lex, let's have an adventure.”
Lex sighed and took a sip of his water, but Oliver knew he'd won. Lex had never been able to say no to him, not at school, not in business.
“The legendary Queen charm can chalk one more up for the win column,” Lex said finally and Oliver grinned.
“Queen 15, Luthor 12.”
“You're forgetting about Paraguay.”
“Fine, Paraguay's yours. But I was leaving off Scotland, just to be fair.”
Lex grimaced but raised his glass in silent concession.
“So, what is this wild adventure that's supposed to take my mind off all my problems?”
“I'll think of something,” Oliver said, waving such tedious concerns aside. “In the meantime, tell me how Bruce was when you saw him.”
“The cocky idiot wasn't at his best, half falling over some blonde in the back of his limo.”
“It's the cost of being a billionaire vigilante,” Oliver said.
“We got wives,” Lex said, “he could as well.”
“Our wives fell into our laps,” Oliver said. “We were the luckiest idiots alive.”
“I'll only agree with you because it's Chloe and Lana,” Lex said.
“Queen 17-”
“That wasn't a win, Queen.”
“Fine, Luthor, we'll just call that us being on equal terms.”
“About the only time we are,” Lex said cockily.
Oliver smirked in return.
“I wonder which way you've got that inequality in your head.”
“Probably the opposite to the way you have.”
“Probably. But back to Bruce, I wish I could have gone. It would have been like the old Excelsior days.”
“Days I'm not so anxious to repeat.”
“Okay, so we weren't the currently charming fellows we are now, but we grew on you.”
“Slightly,” Lex acknowledged.
“And you were a bit of a-”
“If we're going to reminisce about old times, be prepared to get as good as you give, Oliver.”
Suddenly Oliver didn't feel like talking about certain subjects anymore.
“I'm talking about the good times, Lex. Like senior year when we played football on Thanksgiving or the car wash or the night before prom.”
Lex grinned happily.
“Those are the times I'm willing to discuss.”
“Oh, the best one,” Oliver said, “the play.”
“That was the best night of my life up until recently,” Lex said. “I even considered acting as a career to piss off my dad.”
“I almost wish you had, but I doubt we'd be sitting here today if that was the case.”
“You just want to be the big man on campus.”
“There is no campus anymore, Lex, we graduated and got old.”
“So that's why you work out for two hours every day and patrol all night when you're not ravishing Chloe like a horny teenager?”
“That's my wife you're talking about.”
“I was sort of at the wedding,” Lex reminded him.
“That's replaced the play as my best night,” Oliver said, his mind drifting back.
“Focus, Queen,” Lex said, snapping his fingers as their food was brought out to them. “I have to be back at the office in half an hour or I might not be able to afford eating here anymore.”
“I'll give you a food allowance,” Oliver said, loading his fork with steak.
“Thanks, Dad,” Lex muttered.
“We should dig out that tape,” Oliver said, “and show it to the girls.”
“That's a good idea. Maybe that can be our grand adventure.”
“That's hardly an adventure; no, it would be just the prelude.”
Then Oliver got the best idea he'd ever had.
“I know that look; don't tell me, I don't want to know.”
“Oh, Lex, this is going to make your year, your decade.”
“I'm sure it's going to make something.”
“We're going to put on the play.”
Lex blinked.
“Come again?”
“We are going to dust off our scripts, pull out the rusty over-acting skills and put on the play.”
“That's your idea of an adventure?”
“And the team can be the extra bits, oh, it's perfect.”
Lex started to object again.
“Oliver, we don't have time for this.”
“We'll make the time. We're superheroes, Lex. Besides, it's been really quiet on the evil front lately. The girls are chomping at the bit for quality time, you need a distraction from all your issues and we can practice everything at the same time.”
Oliver could see Lex being drawn in despite himself. His friend tried so very hard to put on a stoic front at all times, but Oliver knew how nerdy Lex really was deep inside and how much he liked to do stuff like this.
Lex began to grin and Oliver knew he'd won again.
Queen 18, Luthor 13.
***
Clark stared at his two best friends like they were out of their minds. As far as he was concerned, they were.
“You want to do what?”
“No, Clark,” Oliver said, “your hearing has not gone the way of disappeared powers. We are going to put on a play!”
Clark turned desperately to Lex.
“And you approve? Come on, you're the one who's supposed to stop him when he gets like this.”
Lex got the slightly manic grin on his face that he only wore when Oliver had coerced him into something.
“I had my doubts, Clark. But I have to say, I think it will be a great morale builder for the team. The girls will love it and Oliver and I had so much fun doing the last one.”
“You were teenagers with trust funds and nothing else to do! You have responsibilities now.”
“It's true, what they’re saying,” Oliver said, turning to Lex.
“I fear so,” he answered sorrowfully.
“What's true?” Clark asked, folding his arms across his chest, feeling like he was about to get blindsided.
“That Superman's in a bit of a rut.” Oliver's face would match wounded puppies.
“Wearing himself thin.” Lex's wasn't much better.
“Putting the safety of the world at risk with too much stress.”
“Not able to get past his alien side and enjoy life.”
“Going to crack under the pressure.”
“Having troubles at home.”
Clark cut in before the duo went any further.
“I get the picture. Did Lois complain to either of you? Or to your wives?”
Oliver and Lex looked at each other innocently.
Clark sighed, knowing he was being played, but unable to resist the temptation his friends presented him with.
“I give up. Let's put on a stupid play.”
Oliver and Lex grinned and patted him on the back.
“That's the way,” Oliver said. “Now you'll be a happy alien and stop bringing everyone down.”
“Now I'm more likely to be a broody alien since I'm being strong-armed into things I don't really want to do.”
“Strong-armed?” scoffed Lex. “This from the Man of Steel?”
“Oh, my friend,” Oliver said, “you won't feel that way when we're doing it. There's no business like show business, after all.”
Lex was obviously trying to fight laughing and Clark simply rolled his eyes.
“So, now what?”
“Now we call an emergency team meeting and let everyone know!” Oliver clapped his hands together and rushed over to the computers.
Clark rushed after him, panicking.
“Uh, that might be a little too much. Emergency? It's not, right? Oliver?”
Oliver ignored him and Clark put his hand over his eyes.
***
“I think they finally cracked and landed in Nutville,” Lois said, hands on hips as she surveyed her fiancée and his two billionaire friends.
Lex could practically see her cataloguing their eccentricities and filing it away for a future story.
“Now, Lois, let's not jump to conclusions,” Chloe said slowly. “We've all pulled some wacky hijinks over the years. Maybe they're meteor infected...with play obsession.”
“Clark wouldn't be,” Lex pointed out, ignoring the fact that it was a ridiculous suggestion to begin with and Chloe had to know it.
“Still, I'm scanning you all, just to be sure,” she said briskly and walked over to her precious monitors which Lex really wished she wouldn't do because he was feeling stupid enough as it was; he didn't need to be poked and prodded, checking to see if the meteors had finally caused him to flip the big one.
“Chloe, we're all fine,” Oliver said, walking over and running his hands up and down her arms. “Lex and I got to talking about our school days and we're just reminiscing...tangibly. We want you all to be a part of it. Even Clark's excited!”
“You, Clark and Lex would be excited if you decided to start standing on your heads,” Lois said sharply.
“I'm out of here,” Dinah said, heading for the door. “I didn't fly halfway across the country for an emergency rehearsal.”
“Come on, Dinah,” Oliver said, pleading in his voice, “we should all do it together. It won't be any fun without everyone.”
“Where's his wife?” Tess asked suddenly, from her position by the doors, as if ready to run. “I notice one of our billionaires is missing his other half. Why isn't she here?”
Everybody looked to Lex and he suddenly wished he was an only child.
“Well, uh, I told her and she hopped a plane to Europe. She said she'd be back when I'd gotten it all out of my system.” He smiled somewhat sheepishly at them all.
“How come Lana gets to run?” Dinah queried.
“Come on, guys. Lana's not really a part of the team anyway,” Oliver said.
“It's true,” Lex admitted. “Even she'll tell you that.”
“Clark,” Chloe said suspiciously, “you've been awfully mum on the play proposal. What are your thoughts?”
“I, uh, I think it would be...fun.”
“Oh, give it a rest, Smallville,” Lois protested. “You’re just riding the billionaire fun express like the rest of us.”
“I do think it would be fun,” Clark said, drawing close to her. “I was...incredulous at first, but I think we should do it. Spend some time together.”
“Real time?” she asked. “Time where you don't go running off every other second to the other side of the world?”
“I promise,” he said.
Lois smiled up at him and Lex knew that at least half the battle was won. Lois would bully everyone into doing it if she saw something in it for her. Even without her Oliver could get the team to do anything if only one person agreed with him. A small, blonde someone who was currently looking unhappy.
“Well, I think a play's the best idea our big man leader's ever had,” Bart cut in.
AC and Dinah each made moves for him, but he was already on the other side of the room at the top of the stairs.
“Wanna let the grownups handle this?” Victor asked him.
“Come on, man, I know you were at my 21st, so don't pull that kid crap with me.”
Victor muttered something that Lex could see by Clark's expression wasn't very complimentary.
“Everyone will have parts,” Oliver said, obviously trying to smooth things over. “Lex and I will buy the costumes and props and scenery. We'll do it her-” he stopped when Chloe opened her mouth, “-we'll do it at the mansion.”
He shot Lex an apologetic glance which Lex received, knowing it really was the only thing Oliver could have done.
“A word in private, Mr. Investor?” Chloe said and Oliver practically bounded beside her off to the side while Lex inwardly held his breath.
This really was the crucial moment. He stepped close to Clark and motioned with his head toward the pair.
Clark gave him a disapproving look and Lex restrained himself from shaking him.
“I'll be the first to say your hyped up morals are a benefit, Clark, but now is not the time.”
Clark pursed his lips, but tilted his head toward Chloe and Oliver and started whispering everything he overheard.
“Most of the time I'm fine with the little bromance the three of you have going on,” Chloe said, “but when you start involving the team, Watchtower and my wife time, I'm going to get snippy.”
“We'll still have husband and wife time,” Oliver said. “This is for our husband and wife time.”
“I know it was my doing, but I'm going to go ahead and put a ban on the saying 'husband and wife time,' okay?”
“Probably best,” he agreed.
“I'm just skeptical about how much time we'll actually spend together.”
“You could be my leading lady,” Oliver said, sliding closer and to the back of her, so that he was breathing down her neck. Chloe's head arched back and Oliver used the opportunity to get access to her neck.
“He's not playing fair, is he?” Lex observed with a smile.
“It's his only option,” Clark replied, obviously trying to keep listening and not watch at the same time.
“If you're going to play the title part, Oliver, you'll be in practically every scene; you'll be everyone's leading man.”
“But there's only one person I'll be kissing,” he said, putting his arm around her waist.
“Sex is not the answer, Ollie.”
Lex could see she was weakening. Despite the very real danger of Chloe pulling the plug on the whole thing, he knew that she was just as susceptible to Oliver's charm as the rest of the world. Even more so really. They were each wrapped around the other's finger.
“But it is a bonus,” Oliver whispered.
Chloe turned to face him.
“Well, I've actually always liked the idea of us being that particular pair.”
“Hmmm, I wonder why?” He threaded his fingers through her hair.
“No talking out of turn now,” she admonished him, reaching up for a kiss.
“So, we're acting folk now?”
“Should evil allow.”
He grinned and kissed her again, this time lasting so long even Lex felt uncomfortable.
“Break it up,” AC told them from across the room. “We can already guess the play's now the thing.”
Lex's eyebrows raised, he wouldn't have pegged AC for a Shakespeare aficionado.
Dinah folded her arms grumpily.
“One sappy love scene and I'm out of here.”
“Okay,” Oliver said, bouncing more than Bart on his way back to join the group, “everyone go home, get whatever you need for an extended stay in Metropolis, clear all schedules, fight all crime and be back here by tomorrow night for casting. Lex and I will get everything ready.”
“I'm going to regret this,” Chloe said to herself and Lex chuckled.
“Maybe all of us will, Mrs. Queen, but we'll have fun doing it.”
She looked wryly at him, but didn't disagree.
Lex looked around him, noting Bart and Victor arguing over who was the better actor on missions that required such things, AC picking up the copy of the play Oliver had brought with him, and Tess trying to edge out the door.
“Oh, no you don't, Lutessa,” he said, keeping her from leaving.
Tess sighed before she turned to face him.
“And what would I do, Alexander?”
“I've the perfect role in mind for you,” he said, grinning, “and Luthors never shirk their duty.”
“I'd be careful if I were you, Lex,” she said pointedly, “of trying to reel me in with the Luthor name. It's still hard to claim it as my own.”
“Hey, you can be a Mercer. With Oliver still calling you Mercy up and down the conference room table, it'd be pretty hard not to be.”
She smiled slightly.
“So, just one little thing I was wondering?”
“What's that, sis?”
“Who are we putting this play on for exactly?”
Lex paused, he hadn't really thought about that. Most likely Oliver hadn't either.
“Well...”
***
Oliver was practically pacing in his desire to get everything started. He and Lex had canceled everything but the bare essentials that would keep Queen Industries and LuthorCorp running and keep Lex from getting kicked off his own board. Tess had graciously offered to run interference. Oliver had had to do a bit of that himself to keep Lex from backing out by making up lots of excuses for him and Lex to need to be meeting together and getting all board members involved to buy it. But it was worth it. Tess would let them both know if anything too urgent came up and their companies could get along without their CEOs for a few months. As for the League, well, Oliver had put Watchtower to work spreading the requests for extra backup among the superhero community. They worked hard to protect the world without fail year round; they were all due a break.
Lex walked back into his study, drinks in hand.
“Calm down, Oliver. They'll get here soon enough.”
“What if the plane was late?”
“It's your jet, it'll be fine.”
“What if they all back out?”
“We'll freeze their funds and they'll come running.”
Oliver grinned at Lex.
“Sometimes I like the way you think.”
“Only sometimes?”
“When you're not bent on destroying the world, you're quite the genius.”
“I thought that was when I was being a genius,” Lex said, with only a hint of bitterness in his tone.
Oliver clinked his drink to Lex's.
“No, you're on the right track now.”
“This is the way it should be,” Lex agreed. “Admittedly, it's a lot less sneaky.”
“You'll survive,” Oliver said, distracted again by his paranoia.
Lex sighed and placated him again.
“Mia will get here, the others won't back out. Try to relax.”
Oliver nodded and let Lex work on his laptop uninterrupted while he had his own quiet panic attack. He figured he was allowed as this whole thing was his baby.
He and Lex had dragged Chloe, Lois and Clark back to the mansion when everyone else had left the 'emergency meeting,' even as Chloe lectured him on proper use of the term emergency, and started getting everything ready. Clark had kept leaving to go save the world, and by one am, the girls had zonked out on the couch, leaving Oliver and Lex making all the decisions.
Which everyone else was probably going to regret when they found out the casting decisions. Oliver and Lex had almost come to blows about some of them. Lex had sulked about type-casting and threatened to give up the idea. Oliver had won him over with charm and flattery, reminding him that he already knew the part and that no one could play it like him.
Now, all that was left was to convince everyone else. And he could panic about that if he wanted to no matter how much Lex teased him about it.
There was a knock at the door and Oliver hastened to open it.
Mia stuck her head in the door, obviously unsure.
“Right mansion?”
“Right mansion,” Oliver said, enveloping her in a hug.
She returned it gingerly.
“I can't believe you got me out of school for a play. You do know we do those at school already, right?”
“Enjoy your opportunity and the ridiculous strings I pulled for no real reason,” Oliver told her.
“Oh, I'm enjoying. I'm just kinda surprised by this whole acting bug.”
“It's not every day I get to dress up and be someone else.”
She just looked at him and then he laughed.
“Okay, it is every day, but that's more like dressing up and being myself.”
“And how is this play any different really?”
“You'll see,” he said mysteriously, leading her over to the couch where Lex had stood to greet her.
“Mia, you're looking well.”
“Thanks for having me,” she said.
“Thanks for coming on such short notice. I'm afraid when Oliver gets an idea he isn't that subtle about getting it done as fast as possible.”
“I figure, why wait? I've wasted half of my life, I'm gonna do good things with the rest.”
“Like putting on plays with your friends that no one will ever see and spending a ridiculous amount of money?” Lex queried, deadpan.
Oliver shoved him slightly and turned his attention back to pacing. Sure, the lack of an audience was a bit disconcerting, but they were only doing this for themselves and the lack of critics around would probably be more of an incentive for the most stage shy among them.
Bart breezed into the room and five seconds later, so did Clark. Lex did the customary grabbing for papers to no avail and cursed as he bent to pick them up.
“Too slow, my man,” Bart said, laughing.
“You had to throw that trashcan in my way.”
“It wouldn't have made a dent and you know it.”
“I imagine Lois will be really happy to know you were racing instead of saving people,” Lex said, finally straightening up.
“Lois!” Clark said, turning bright red and whooshing past Chloe on her way in.
“Clark forget Lois again?” she asked, making her way to Oliver's side.
He relaxed visibly when she wrapped her arms around him. With her there, he could do anything, even put on a play with a bunch of dysfunctional superheroes.
“I guess so.”
There was another whooshing sound and Clark came back with Lois in his arms, a half eaten donut in her hand.
“Keep that up, Clark,” she said, “and you're going to be wearing the other half of this.”
“Sorry,” he said, putting her down and pecking her on the cheek.
“You're forgiven,” she said, “but only because I'm curious to see what these idiots actually came up with.”
“You mean while you were snoring on the couch and keeping us from concentrating?” Oliver teased her.
“Watch it, Queen,” she said.
Oliver simply smirked at her and rested his chin on Chloe's head. Lois muttered to herself and plopped down on the couch next to Mia.
“Oh, Mia,” Chloe said, detaching herself from Oliver, causing him to frown, “I'm so glad you made it in time. How was the flight?”
“Jet-like,” Mia said.
“You could've said the word and I would've had you here in seconds,” Bart said, flinging a companion-ly arm around her shoulder as he sat next to her.
Oliver cleared his throat in warning, all dad censors on high alert. Bart removed his arm, but flashed him an unrepentant grin. Chloe rolled her eyes at Oliver and he blew her a kiss upon which she did it again.
AC and Dinah showed up with Victor in tow and Oliver nearly made a dive for the notes he and Lex had compiled.
“Tess is gonna be late,” he said, “so we'll just start.”
“This better be good,” Dinah grumbled, sitting down on the couch, “and not just an opportunity for you to practice shooting.”
“I promise goodness,” Oliver said recklessly.
Chloe shot him a look and he gave himself an inward nudge to tone it down. He didn't want them all flying for cover when his natural exuberance went into overdrive.
“So, there were just the right number of parts,” Lex said, passing out scripts.
“Says you,” Lois scoffed. “Do you know how many women there are in Robin Hood? I'm thinking of picketing outside with feminism brochures.”
“Which will be of lasting political and societal impact, I'm sure,” Lex said.
“We know there's not a lot of female roles,” Oliver interceded before a throw down occurred, “but we've got a few roles we think will suffice. So, Lois, you'll be Clorinda, shepherdess, and now handmaiden to one Maid Marian.”
“That's the skimpiest role ever,” Lois said, “there's nothing to it.”
“It's an important role, Lo,” Chloe said, obviously trying to pacify her irate cousin.
“It's fish bait,” Lois said, but didn't say anything else, flipping through the pages of her script furiously.
“Bart, you'll be Much the Miller's Son.”
Bart snatched his script and Oliver blinked because the other man was on the other side of the room having just finished reading it.
“For the last time, people, I'm actually an adult,” he snapped at them.
“That wasn't why,” Lex protested. “It was a personality thing, deal with it.”
Oliver hastily turned to Victor.
“How does Friar Tuck sound?”
“Boring.”
“He could fight,” Oliver tempted.
Victor quirked an eyebrow.
“We'll see.”
Oliver sighed and turned to AC and Dinah.
“Now...just hear me out. AC, you're Alan a Dale and, Dinah, you're his wife.”
“Oh, you've got to be kidding me,” Dinah said, reading the script. AC turned bright red and looked at his own. “He has to rescue her!” Dinah said angrily. “This is the worst play ever.”
“We can negotiate,” Oliver said. He'd known that would have to be done.
“And just who is the illustrious Robin Hood?” Dinah asked. “As if we couldn't guess.”
“It...makes sense,” Oliver said, wounded. “And so does making Chloe Maid Marian.”
“At least you aren't being told you have to be the villain...again,” Lex, or Prince John, stated.
“Moving on...” Oliver said before Lex could start up that old argument. “Mia, how do you feel about playing Will Scarlet?”
“A guy?”
“He matches your uniform and he's got pretty good aim,” Oliver tempted.
Mia smiled wryly at him.
“For you only.”
“That's my girl,” he said proudly.
“I'm going to be sick,” Dinah said, not even looking up from her script.
“What am I going to be?” Clark asked, his tone suggesting he'd been forgotten.
“Little John, who else?” Chloe said, patting his arm.
“So...then the only other part-” Oliver was interrupted by Tess coming in. “Ah, perfect timing there, Mercy. Wanna know who you got?”
“I can make a wild guess,” she said flatly, pouring herself a scotch.
“It's so very type-casting,” Lex muttered in the background.
“It was your idea!” Oliver said.
“I'm talking about me,” Lex said.
“Oh, well, anyway...Tess, you're gonna be the Sheriff.”
“Go Nottingham,” she said, still expressionless.
“Don't be like that, guys,” Oliver pleaded. “Just think about it. It's going to be awesome.”
Looking around at the group, Oliver studied each of their faces. He knew each of them better than anyone else in his whole life.
Lois was studying her part with a devious glint in her eye that made Oliver nervous. She'd obviously thought of some way of getting back at him for giving her such a paltry role.
Clark was looking quite panicked, probably at the thought of having to learn so many lines. He was also probably going to try to back out at many points.
Bart was amusing himself by reading the script over and over, faster than any of them could read it once. The little imp probably already had his part memorized and was planning ways to annoy them all in lieu of actual rehearsing.
Victor was analyzing the script, most likely using his internal databases to review everything anyone had ever written on Robin Hood. Oliver thought he was probably doing a million other things at the same time. The man could multi-task like no other.
AC was reading and sneaking looks at Dinah when he thought she wasn't looking. His face got redder and redder and he was most likely contemplating ways to get arrested for some activist rally so he wouldn't have to participate. Oliver made a mental note to keep an eye on him.
Dinah was silently seething, casting glares at anyone who looked at her, except Lois, and Oliver looked between the two uneasily. They didn't get along usually, so when they agreed on something, he'd learned to be afraid.
Mia's eyebrows were nearly popping off her head while she read, but she was grinning and laughing with Chloe and Oliver figured the only thing she cared about was that she was out of school.
Lex was making a good show of being annoyed, but Oliver could see him restraining himself from being happy about stretching his sinister muscles and being a villain. So long as Lex only played at villainy and Oliver got to keep his friend, he could handle that.
Tess was brooding and Oliver decided to make it up to her somehow, but he and Lex had really wanted to include her and he hoped she knew that somewhere underneath the resentment.
Chloe was indulging him. She knew he was being crazy and abusing his money and privilege and power for no good reason and she was letting him because she understood the desire behind it. And that was why he loved her. She looked up at him and winked before going back to speaking with Mia.
No one had physically fought, no one had left. All in all, a good casting call.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2011-10-04 07:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-05 12:21 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting.
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Date: 2011-10-04 04:45 pm (UTC)I was expecting Oliver to break out his jazz hands. Then that would be too much.
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Date: 2011-10-05 12:21 am (UTC)I don't think he'll ever go that far, but he's definitely over-enthused. ;)
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Date: 2011-10-05 04:03 am (UTC)~Darlene~
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Date: 2011-10-05 05:26 am (UTC)Thanks so much for commenting. Part Two should be up soonish! ;)