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jesterladyficThe day before Willow’s arrival, Buffy arrived home from school to their apartment to find Spike setting up a huge TV.
“Spike! Where on earth did you get that?”
“Didn’t steal it if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Where did you get the money for that then?”
“If I tell you, you promise not to stake me? I can only block your advances so long, you know,” he said with a leer on his face.
“Spike, I mean it. Advances later. Where’d it come from?” Spike sighed, and then beckoned for her to sit with him on the couch.
“Dad ever tell you about the crypt I found the Gem of Amara in?”
“Not really, we were all sorta distracted by the you portion of that fiasco.”
“Let’s just say, everything in there would be worth a bloody fortune. After you
sent the ring to the poof, I went after it. But not before I sealed up the crypt to make sure nobody else got their hands on it. But after the LA business, which you know didn’t go well for any of us, though I really can’t say I’m too hung up about it, I was so angry when I got back here, that I forgot about the treasure. Wasn’t until ol’ Rupes did his fatherly financial pressuring few months back that I remembered. Popped back down there awhile ago and bam, I’m an instant millionaire. Well, we are.” Buffy shook her head, flabbergasted. “Well, say something, love.”
“I don’t know what to say. It’s kinda like being half morally righteous and half girly.”
“Meaning?”
“Well, I’m not too certain how moral it is to take century old treasure as our
source of income. On the either hand, it isn’t easy for either of us to get a job and my mom can’t support us forever. Plus, money equals lots of things Buffy can have. Like shoes.”
“And what’s the Slayer’s decision then?” Buffy, honestly, did think hard about it before deciding.
“The money’s ours. You did find it rightfully and nobody knows who it belonged to
before. You did good, honey.”
“Love being appreciated,” Spike said, kissing her neck. It amazed him how luscious it always was, even without biting into it.
That night they lay in bed, holding each other close. Without saying it, both knew what the other was thinking, Willow might break the spell and then they would lose this.
“Spike, could you promise me something?”
“What?”
“If you go all evil, well, wanting to be evil- start actively being evil,
tomorrow, could you please not fling our marriage in my face?”
“I could ask the same of you, love.”
“I know. It’s just when Angel went evil, he spent the next, well, you know how
long, just constantly mentally playing with my head to make me feel bad about our relationship. It was like the worst torture I’ve ever known.”
“You know, Buffy, he was just trying to make himself feel better about what he
did, because he believed it was a perversion. Probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but I promise if the worst happens tomorrow, I won’t make fun of you, if you won’t of me.”
“That’s a deal. And don’t try to kill my friends.”
“And don’t try to stake me.”
“Check, no staking,” she said sadly, clinging even tighter to him.
“Buffy, even if it does happen, please remember, I’m not Angel. I might be
disgusted with myself, I might leave and never come back, but I wouldn’t try to take out on you what neither of us could help. I’m a fair fighter and I keep my promises, vampire though I may be.”
“I know. So, how will we know?”
“If the spell’s broken?”
“If we need to break our promises, to make sure the other remembers that we have a
truce of words and actions.”
“How about we say so, pet?”
“I don’t want to have a really hard conversation like that in front of everybody.”
“We’ll just say one word, love. How about Acathla? We have to say it to each
other when the spell’s broke, otherwise, we’ll know that we’re going to be enemies. Not to say that we could ever be anything but if this goes down, but at least that will be the signal not to kill each other or maim with our words, yeah?”
“Okay, we got ourselves another truce.” They lay there quietly for awhile, just feeling each other’s presence.
“Spike?”
“Buffy.”
“If this is going to be our last night together, I want to remember it.”
His answer was not in words, but never had either of them felt more passionate, loved or at peace in their lives than that night.
***
A tense but happy group was gathered in Giles’ apartment. Oz was pacing near the door, throwing what he knew were anxious glances at the clock. Tara stood next to Giles, both wearing troubled expressions, looking at Buffy every so often. Xander was torn between the joy of seeing Willow again and sorrow at the pain Buffy might soon be feeling. Anya was feeling worried about Willow’s return, wondering whether Xander would pay as much attention to her now, but glad at the same time that she was coming back, so he wouldn’t be unhappy. Jonathan and Andrew had been locked up in the bathroom and told not to come out until it was over; they spent the time having a mock light saber fight. Buffy and Spike sat on the couch wrapped in each other’s arms, absorbed only in the other.
A flash lit the room and there was a bang. A glowing, blue light shaped like a tunnel formed by the door. The shape of Willow appeared and walked through it into the room. As she stepped through, the tunnel disappeared and Willow collapsed, Oz managing to catch her just in time.
“Willow, Will, wake up, sweetie,” he called to her. She blinked and opened her eyes and smiled up at him.
“My head’s the right size, right?”
“It’s just the right Willow-size.” He smiled back at her with relief in his eyes.
“Didn’t mean to pull a faint on you guys, opening the door took more power than I knew I had.” Willow got to her feet and hugged everybody in sight. “I love being home!”
“We love you home too, Will,” said Xander, squeezing her tight. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere for a very long time, missie.”
“Don’t worry, I personally ground myself. Oz will keep me company in the land of Willow-being in the same spot for a long time-ness, hopefully his bedroom, um-” Willow turned red. Xander winced and tactfully turned away. Oz smiled slightly.
“Gotta clear some boxes out. But I think I can make room.” Despite the taciturn tone of his words, Willow knew Oz was deeply glad to have her back.
“Red, you look quite fetching, demon fashion’s quite nice on you.” Willow blushed and looked down at her ragged clothing that included scales and feathers as well as some unidentifiable substances.
“I must look so ughy. What I need is a serious bath and clothes, ooh and food. When you’ve eaten nothing but baked potatoes, lemon meringue pie and cold beef for the last six months; well, I started to dream about microwaves.”
“Of course, Willow, forgive us. You must be exhausted. Buffy here thought to bring some clothes for you. Tara and I just finished making some food, so why don’t you remove the boys you’ll find locked in the bathroom and have yourself a nice shower, then we can eat and talk.” Giles ushered Willow down the hall and a few seconds later a rumpled Jonathan and Andrew came into the room.
“That was Willow?” Andrew asked in amazement. “She looks like a bedeviled, rogue warrior Princess on a mission to save some sort of valuable person hostage from a fierce jungle tyrant!” And Andrew was off in his own mind, making up a fabulous history for Willow, detailing all her adventures in the treacherous world of Arashmaharr, where she used her mighty magical powers to defeat many foes and save many lives, all the while resisting the lures of the evil tyrant to join him in his bloodthirsty reign of terror.
A short while later, Willow returned, clean and dressed in her own clothes. Tara handed her a plate of food and Willow began to eat ravenously, while Oz sat close to her with his arm around the back of her shoulders. Buffy sat curled in Spike’s lap in the armchair as he played with her hair. Everyone else found various positions in the room and they recounted for Willow the past couple of weeks, including Adam’s latest attacks and the shortage of things to slay due to the Initiative picking back up under its new leadership. Nobody wanted to talk about the thing they were all thinking. Finally, Anya broke the silence.
“Can Willow just break the spell, so we can all be released from these
interesting, yet disturbing feelings of tension?” They all looked uncomfortable, then Xander shifted,
“Yeah, Will, you think you could? I’m kinda tired of being invisible. Though it’s sort of special, in its own little way.”
“And I would appreciate not being blind for half an hour every morning,” said Giles softly.
“And, and, and Spike and I- we want to know the truth,” Buffy said, not meeting anyone’s eyes. Spike’s hands tightened around her, but no one else moved.
“My power levels are a bit on the down side just now, but I’m sure this spell I could do in a jiffy,” said Willow, trying to sound perky, and succeeding as only Willow could during a crisis. She stood up, handing her empty plate to Oz, who squeezed her hand encouragingly. Buffy and Spike also stood wrapped in an embrace. Willow started off slowly, but building up volume and speed.
“Let the healing power begin,
Let my will be safe again.
As these words of peace are spoken,
Let this harmful spell be broken.” A loud and bright lightening flash sounded in the room, there was a corresponding flash in Willow’s eyes; the air shimmered around Xander and mist leaked out of Giles’ eyes. Buffy and Spike stood still holding each other. Willow finished.
Almost imperceptibly, their hold tightened, then slowly they broke away from each other and looked into each other’s eyes. It felt like the last few months were playing in reverse. Everything they’d been through was relived before them and then the old feelings returned with a rush. They broke off from each other and Spike shook himself as if to rid himself of her influence. Buffy looked up at him and through the fog of self hatred and loathing, she felt empty and remembered something.
“Acathla?” Buffy questioned. Spike stood still for a moment and then laughed.
“Yeah, Acathla, Slayer.” Buffy gave a small cry and backed away, Spike did the same. They stood for a few moments, just staring at each other. Then Spike turned and stumbled toward the door,
“I can’t do this. You can have the apartment, I’ll manage. I just bloody can’t do this.”
“Spike-“ Buffy whispered and started forward. He whirled around, in game face and snarled at her; she stopped in alarm, his features melted into human and he whispered,
“I’m sorry, love, but the Big Bad’s back.” Then Spike grabbed his duster and ran out the door.
Xander and Giles looked at Buffy and started to move to the door.
“Buffy, I know this is hard, but he could be dangerous-maybe we should-“
“Don’t,” she said in a tight voice.
“But Buff-he could-“
“Just don’t, all right? Let him go.” Tara moved to Buffy and put her arms around her as Buffy broke down and started to weep. Willow sat beside her and stroked her hair as Giles and Xander looked anxious to help but couldn’t figure out what to do. Oz and Anya just sat in silence, figuring there was nothing to do. Even the nerds were silent. Outside the door, Spike listened to Buffy crying. A single tear fell down his face before he brushed it away and strode off into the night, needing a drink.
***
Two weeks later Buffy sat silently in Giles’ living room while the rest of the gang quietly discussed the little boy who had been found in the woods after Adam discovered him. Jonathan came over and sat down tentatively beside her.
“Buffy, Andrew and I are gonna go now. But I just, I just wanted to say-I’m sorry about Spike.”
Andrew joined them and decided to help comfort the quiet Slayer.
“True, the noble, yet earthy Spike has been reverted to a state of-“ he was cut off as Jonathan hit him in the ribs. Andrew blinked and almost seemed to come out of a daze. “Spike was cool, I liked him a lot. I’m sorry he’s not here now with us. He was sweet with you and an awesome fighter against evil.” Buffy stared at Andrew, then managed a small smile. His words were the first real thing he’d said since they’d met him.
“Thank you both. Be careful on your way home, all right?”
“Yeah.”
***
Joyce pulled into the driveway of 1630 Revello Drive and got out with a bag of groceries under her arm. She walked into the house and started unloading the bags before noticing a figure sitting on the back porch. Quietly she opened the door and sat down beside him.
“Hi, Mum.”
“William.” And Spike started to cry, not very hard or very loud, but he welcomed Joyce’s arms around him and the hand she used to stroke his hair. He didn’t cry for long, but straightened up quickly, brushing his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Some vampire I am; can’t even hear my own name without crying like a sodding nancy-boy. It isn’t supposed to be this way!” Spike stood up and walked down the steps and picked up a rock and threw it into a nearby tree where it stuck, sunk in with vampire strength. Joyce never flinched, but said quietly,
“I think, Spike, that you’ve never been a typical vampire.” Spike laughed bitterly.
“Well, that’s true, anyway. Leastways, always what Angelus said, only without the complimentary tone you use.”
“You wanna come inside? We’ll talk.” He shrugged like nothing was important anymore.
“Sure, got nothing else to do.” They walked inside and Joyce settled him at the island with some hot chocolate.
“You want to tell me what happened? All Buffy would say was that Willow broke the spell.”
“Well, where to start? I’m Spike, William the Bloody, slayer of Slayers and here I am, married to my mortal enemy. Like a bloody nightmare. It’s not right. She should stake me and I should drink her dry.”
“Somehow I’m having trouble believing you’re a conventional thinker, Spike.”
“Yeah, so what? So I like to fight fair or against the odds, doesn’t mean I’m ready to be in love with a Slayer, the killer of my race.”
“What if you wanted to?” Spike quickly rejoined,
“I bloody well don’t.” But Joyce persisted.
“What if you did?” Spike gave in and admitted,
“She’d never want to. You don’t understand this like I do, Joyce, Buffy’s the Slayer. That means something. It means a lot of things. Like not loving vampires, even those with souls. See how well that turned out. The only thing stopping me from being a bloody killer is this buggering chip they shoved in my brain. That’s no life for either of us.” Joyce started to say something, then paused.
“Out with it, Joyce.”
“Are you sure the chip is the only thing stopping you from killing?”
“Do you want to know about me, wanna know all the terrible things I did? The Tweed Brigade don’t know half of it, would fill more books than they have. And I don’t feel sorry for any of it. I can care about people, there have been people over the years and yeah, if something happened to, even the whelp, I’d be let’s say, not unmoved. But I don’t care about what I did. And not even Buffy can make me.”
“That’s not quite answering my question.”
“Sod the question. I’m a vampire, bad and nasty and evil, why do you care?”
“Do you remember when you came to Buffy for a truce?”
“Course I do.”
“Well, I was a little distraught and confused at the time. But I was there while you and Buffy made your deal and I remembered everything you said when Buffy explained the whole thing to me later. You went against everything you were, for love. And then when that love backfired on you, you still clung to it. That girl was still your world. I knew then, you were different. That you weren’t as evil as you claim to be.” She held up a hand before he could protest. “Make no mistake, I think you could be evil very easily. I think sometimes you want to be, I think it’s your nature to be evil. But I also think you choose not to. It’s you, all you. Not a chip, not a soul, not a spell, but you. Only you can choose and you have. All these months under the spell, you could’ve done evil on the side or tried to turn Buffy from her calling. But you didn’t because you believed love was more important than all your past life and all that your nature cries out for you to be.”
Joyce shrugged. “That’s my theory on why you’re not evil anyway, like I told the two of you before. Because you choose not to be, like every other living being.” Spike was quiet for awhile and then quietly started to talk.
“It’s always been about love for me, even before I was turned. It’s the reason I was turned. After, I was like a boy with a new toy, you know? I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted, so I did. But there were a lot of things I didn’t want to do that were evil. Did them to please Dru or impress Angelus. Still don’t feel sorry for them. But I wouldn’t do them again. I prefer a clean fight to seduce and ravage. Liked being caught by mobs, sought out the Slayer. You know, I only killed two of them, but I’ve fought every Slayer from the time I was turned, to Buffy.”
As he spoke, Spike’s voice grew smoother and he seemed unaware of the refinement of some of his sentences. “I am a fighter by nature and an admirer of skill. That’s why I enjoyed these past months so, got to kill demons, they can fight as opposed to just killing humans with no more chance of taking me on than a bloody mouse. I take as much pleasure in the other person hitting me and their blocking my blows as I do at landing them. That’s why I love the Slayer. Cause she fights well, not because she’s funny or smart or got hair like a bleeding commercial. Cause she fights well.”
Spike was just talking to himself now. Joyce listened and let him ramble. “You wouldn’t think it to look at my track record and nobody around here would tell you this, but I’m the best fighter in the world. How’s that for a title? I come from behind, I know how to pick my battles, I never fear to lose, I absorb power from my opponent. Cause when they’re winning, it’s like I’m winning. So many times Angel and I would fight and he would practically kill me and then I would take that from him. The only reason he and Dru dared carry on like that in front of me was cause of the bloody wheelchair.
And Joyce.” He turned to her and looked in her eyes. “The only reason Buffy isn’t dead is cause of circumstances. Well, that and I never follow my plans. First fight, you saved her with the axe. At Halloween, spell broke and I knew I couldn’t fight both her and Angel at the same time. Next time, she had Dru with a stake, and then I had to save Dru from two Slayers and got a church organ down my back and this most recent time. One, I would’ve burnt up and two, I made the classic villain’s mistake of getting the heroine righteously pissed off. But make no mistake, I could kill her in the end if we had no interruptions, just me and the Slayer, I know all her moves and she’s never had a chance to see half of mine. If we were together, I could-“ and here, Spike broke off, unable to go on. Joyce pulled him in her arms.
“It won’t work, Spike. You can’t convince me and you can’t convince yourself and you know it. That’s why you’re trying so hard. I believe you are all you say you are, but that only proves my point.” Very softly, so she had to strain to hear, he said,
“Doesn’t matter if you and I know it. She has to.” And Joyce understood.
“Go to her and explain.”
“I can’t. She’s the Slayer and I know their job better than they do. And I know her; she would never risk the lives of those she loves. Plus, it’s just not right, a Master vampire with the Slayer, like a bloody sitcom. If she comes to me, I’ll go. But not otherwise.” Joyce sighed, but nodded.
“Okay, William, but you come to me anytime you need it and don’t get yourself killed working off your pain. You’re my son-in-law and I need you.”
“Right, Mum. Don’t worry; I’m made of hard stuff, still a nasty vampire here. Rather die than brood about it, too. Much rather get drunk, it’s just more elegant. Thanks.” Spike downed his cocoa and looking much better, shrugged on his duster and swaggered out the door, the epitome of a bad boy, only the trace of tears on his face betraying the real man within.
***
Willow pulled reluctantly away from Oz.
“I have to be with Buffy right now. It’s my fault she’s in pain, so I have to try to help. Helping is good, and helping is all I can do.” Oz nodded.
“I’m due to patrol with Giles and Xander.”
“Do I have to tell you to be careful? Be all wolfy and do the nose thing, k’?”
“Don’t worry. I meet any dangerous looking object, I’ll remind it I’m higher on the food chain, even if while insane.” She smiled the smile she knew he thought was the sweetest smile in the world.
“I just got you back, don’t wanna lose you.”
“I’m here. Gotta go do the manly thing, but turns out coupled with lycanthropy,
been diagnosed with bad penny syndrome.”
“And why would you always turn up back at my door?” He smoothed back the hair from her forehead.
“No particular reason. Just love you.”
“I love you too.”
***
Willow hurried to her dorm room where Buffy had been staying, unwilling to be in her apartment. Tara, having moved in to save the room for Willow while she was gone, was there with Buffy when she arrived.
“Hey, guys.”
“Hey, Will.” Willow moved to sit on Tara’s bed with the other two girls.
“Do I sense a ‘feel my pain’ talk needed?”
“Yeah, I’ve reached the point where imitation of Angel is just too painful. Doing
the best friend thing would be really helpful now.” Buffy smiled at her friends and made room for Willow on the bed.
“Just tell us what we can do,” Tara said uncertainly.
“All my homework would be nice,” Buffy said, sounding like she was trying to sound like herself. A pounding on the door interrupted them. Tara opened it to reveal a breathless Anya with her arms full of chocolate and donuts.
“I come with comfort,” she announced, dumping her load on the bed. “I read about it. When guys do despicable things or a girl feels miserable, she eats chocolate and her friends tell her how much better she is than him. Despite the unusual circumstances, I thought the remedy should still apply.” She sat down next to an indignant Willow and handed a jelly donut to Buffy, who took it gratefully and noticed Willow’s expression.
“Thanks, Anya. I can’t tell you how much I needed this.” The flighty ex-demon smiled proudly and selected a large chocolate bar for herself.
“Are you sure you’re okay with all this?” Willow gestured to the display of
goodies, but all three knew she meant Anya’s presence. Anya huffed audibly, but held her peace, Tara looked disapprovingly at Willow.
“Yes, this is all of the good. As for Anya, I need all three of my friends here.” Willow and Anya both, looked shocked. “You haven’t been here for awhile, Will, but it should be obvious we’ve added new members to our group, some new, some old. Anya and I don’t get along amazingly, but we try. She’s here, isn’t she? No one made her come, bringing chocolate; wanting to ease my pain. She’s not quite the same ex-demon who helped you bring your evil twin to terrorize us all. Why, she even does practical jokes, like tricking Xander and-” Buffy stopped abruptly. Willow looked down at her hands.
“I wasn’t trying to break up the group, I just want you to feel better, like poof! Better.”
“Thanks, but I think you learned your lesson with poof-better and that it isn’t going to happen here.”
“Like Tara said, what can we do?”
“Be here.” The three girls nodded.
“Just tell us how you’re feeling. D-do you know what you’re going to do?” Tara’s
words seemed to unblock a dam Buffy had put up the minute Spike walked out the door.
“Do? Who knows? Stake my husband, jump his bones, get a divorce, get killed by Adam, join the Initiative, death by chocolate? I just don’t know what to do. It’s like I’m torn in two, half of me is missing and I know where it is; but I’m not supposed to go get it. We’re enemies, opposites, it’s my job to kill him, but I miss him so much I feel like I can’t breathe.” Buffy started crying. Tara put her arm around her.
“Shh, sweetie. Y-you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”
“I need to. I have to talk or something will happen, like I’ll literally explode with unleashed emotion because some ghost is haunting the room, something so typical of my life,” Buffy said, calming down.
“If you want him that badly, the obvious thing to me is to go get him,” Anya stated, biting into her chocolate with relish.
“That’s the thing. How can I, the Slayer, walk up to a vampire and say, what? ‘Take me honey, I’m yours?’ It’s not right for us to be together. He’s evil and wants to be. Even under the spell.”
“That’s simply not the way it is,” Anya put in bluntly, “I know something about evil. It’s a choice. And before you state the extremely over-stated and completely wrong opinion about the no soul issue; souls aren’t the crux of the matter. During my years as a demon, I had a soul, a demon soul, yeah, but a soul. I was still my human self, just demonized. I maimed and killed and cursed for over a century and enjoyed it and just cause I’ve been turned back to my extremely attractive and intelligent human form, doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t. I just decided I’d rather be with you all and enjoy copulating with Xander than to be an unofficial vengeance demon.” Tara hid a smile at Willow’s obvious discomfort over Anya’s casual mention of Xander’s and her sex life. Buffy nodded in agreement.
“I know all that. Through Oz and Faith and Anya and Riley and Tara, Spike taught me that. I just don’t know if it would work, if it should work.”
“Buffy.” Willow shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t wanna be the downer here, but is that really an option? Like you said, Spike’s evil, all bitey and grrr.” Tara hesitated before speaking out, she wasn’t as comfortable with Willow as the other girls yet.
“S-so what? Spike was clearly under your spell, as was Buffy, but they didn’t have to act like they did because of it. Y-you said they should get married, but they acted like a couple of love struck teenagers. And even if he did just want Buffy, he didn’t have to treat us the way he did. Willow, you weren’t here. He worked so hard to be my friend and to smooth things between us all and to only fight occasionally with Xander. As for that, I-I think he just wanted to make sure everyone knew he was still a force to be reckoned with, even if he had changed sides.” Willow looked subdued, Anya continued to eat and Buffy began to brighten.
“I know who he is. And evil or not, he’s in charge of who he is. Just as if he had a soul, which doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. He told me some of the things Angel did with a soul and Willow, you had the soul when you did the spell, Anya had one when she tried to get her necklace back, even Giles when he was all black-magicky, had one. Will, I know it must be hard to understand, it was for me too. But you’re just reminded of what happened with Angel, but I know. I know that on his evilest day Spike wouldn’t come after us for making him feel human like Angel. I know he loves me, I know he could be good if he wanted. I don’t even care if he still wanted to be evil and just doesn’t for me. He told me that all these months, he told me when I was mad at you, Anya, about the place settings. He said you were just trying to assert your willingness to be with us and he was right.” Anya nodded in affirmation. “I’m going to tell him he was right and that I need him and he will come back to me.”
A determined look came over Buffy’s face, an odd combination of the Buffy and Slayer parts that made her who she was. She brushed off donut crumbs and stood up.
“Don’t worry if you don’t hear from us for awhile.” Willow started to protest, but Buffy spoke over her, “Wish me luck; I’m going to hunt me a vampire.” Grabbing a jacket, Buffy walked out the door.
“Happy hunting and orgasms!” Anya called after her, soliciting another grin from Tara.
“Giles and Xander will not be happy,” Willow muttered under her breath.
***
Buffy entered their apartment knowing she would find him there. He stood by the bed, holding one of her sweaters.
“Hello, cutie.” He spun around, his face a demonic visage. “Will you hold on a second?” Spike fought to remain quiet, to visually remind her what she was doing and snarled at her. “White flag up here. I quit.” Buffy threw her hands up for emphasis.
“Let me clear something up for you, pet. Mortal enemies don’t get time outs.”
“You want to go a round or two, Spike, I’ll have a gay old time of it. You want to regain what we had, we’re gonna have to play this a bit differently.”
“What are you talking about, Slayer?” Spike asked slowly.
“I’m talking about us, Spike. I’m talking about how I need you back.”
“Ok, you do remember you’re the Slayer, right?”
“We like to talk big, us Slayers do. All vampires must die. Demons are nothing but evil. It’s just tough-girl talk. The truth is, I love you, Spike. You’ve got courage, passion and you’ve got heart, the ability to change for what you believe is right. It’s all right there in you. You know what I’m saying?”
“Ok, fine. You still love me, but why would you ever come to me?”
“I want you back. I want it the way it was before Willow came back.” His human features came to fore, but he was unwilling to back down.
“Or could be, you’re feeling guilty. Neutered vampire needs your protection and you’re gonna throw him a bloody bone. I hate that.”
“You may hate that, but not as much as I hate being without you. And I’m all you’ve got.” He turned away, wanting more reassurance. Buffy gave up wit and went with the simple, honest,
“Please, Spike, baby, I need you.” A tear fell from her eye and Spike threw caution to the winds. He threw his arms around her and cradled her tiny form.
“Love, I’m sorry. Don’t cry, I can’t bear it. I need you too. I need you more than blood, more than violence. Shh, sweetheart. You know if my heart could beat, it would break my chest I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Please don’t ever leave me.”
“I’d die first. Again. I wanted to come to you so much, but I couldn’t. But I knew that if you came to me, I wasn’t ever gonna let you go.” Buffy looked indignant.
“So why put me through all that?”
“Oh, I just wanted to see if you could remember all our first truce talk backwards.”
“Pig,” she said, muffled into his duster.
“No, love. I just had to be sure. I couldn’t take it if you really didn’t want me. If you really hadn’t made up your mind about demons.”
“Don’t ever doubt me again. I mean what I say, Spike.”
“One more thing we have in common, eh, pet?”
“I know.”
“I don’t know what I would’ve done, if you hadn’t come, Buffy.”
“I had to.”
“Thank you. And not just for coming, but for, I don’t know. I feel like I’m always the one having to do the reconciling, the changing of who I am, the groveling. It means a lot to me that you did it this time.”
“I am willing to do anything for my man,” Buffy told him softly.
“Anything then?” he asked, with the old smirk on his face.
“Well, within reason.”
“I haven’t touched my girl in ages, that reason enough?”
No one saw or heard from either Buffy or Spike for the rest of the night or all the next day.
