Wend Their Ways Together: Chapter Three

[jesterladyfic]

Chapter Three

Spike and Buffy burst through her dorm room door, almost falling over in their kissing haste. But then, like magic, they slowed to a halt and just stood there holding onto each other like time was stilled. Spike stirred first and whispered into her ear.

“What have you done to me, Slayer?”

“Nothing that you haven’t done to me too,” she whispered back.

“You know, three hours ago we were fighting, luv.”

“I wanted to dust you so bad.”

“I wanted to drain you drier than the Sahara.”

“Do you think it’s true? Do you think we only stopped because of
Willow’s spell? Do you think we really still hate each other?” Buffy spoke all
of this reluctantly.



“You look at it logically, pet, that’s how it looks it works out. But
I’ve never thought with logic, Buffy. Let me tell you something that I’ve always
been ashamed of.”

“What is it?” She looked into his face and saw an emotion there that she
couldn’t read, but it involved pain. Buffy put her hand to his cheek and led him
over to her bed. He sat with his back against the headboard and she curled up on
his chest while he played with her hair.

“I bloody love your hair, Buffy. It’s like sunshine, the sunshine that I
never get to see; it’s all wound up in your hair.”

“That’s what you’re ashamed of?” she asked teasingly. “Well, I never
thought you hated me that much as to be so ashamed that you like my hair.”

“That’s not it, luv. I just couldn’t help myself for a moment. It’s so
beautiful.” Spike was quiet for a moment which she thought was unusual
considering he normally never shut up. “Do you remember the night we met?” he
said finally.

“Well, yeah, you told me you were going to kill me. A girl normally
doesn’t forget that. Well, I have it said to me so often that it’s kind of not
a-“ she broke off, seeing his smile.

“Did you know I watched you?” he asked.

“You watched me kill that vamp and then applauded me. You mean that?”
she replied.

“No, I watched you dance. I’ve always had a thing for putting Slayers
and dancing together.” Spike accompanied his remark with a feather light kiss
that sent shivers up her spine.

“Why’d you watch me dance?”

“Well, I was sizing you up, pet. I track down Slayers and I watch them
before I kill them. I want to know my opponent, plus, it’s pretty predatory and
I always like to do that.” She smiled.

“So, what does all this mean?”

“It’s just, it’s never happened to me like that. You see, every time I
meet a Slayer, I get a rush, a delight of the hunt so to speak. And I can hardly
wait to start dancing with them. With the Slayer part of them. I didn’t care
about their lives or who else they knew; I didn’t care if the fight lasted hours
or if we danced forever. I just wanted to enjoy killing the Slayer.” Buffy
shuddered at this and looked across the room. “I’m sorry, luv. Too much for
you?” His tone still carried hints of taunting which got her back up.

“No, it’s ok. I am just sick of loving vampires and having to forget
about what they’ve done and how much our true natures are to kill each other.”
He chuckled under his breath and stiffened up at the same time.

“Could we not talk about Mr. Broods A Lot right now? Does everything in
your life always have to go back to him?”

“That’s not fair, Spike. I don’t love Angel, I love you. Even if it is
a spell, I love you. And I was including you in my prior statement.”

“Oh, sure, include me in the part about how you want to kill me.”

“Don’t say such a thing. I could never kill you now. And I won’t let
anyone else either.”

“Brilliant. One hundred and twenty years of ravaging the world, doing
what I like and now I have to be protected and bloody well coddled by the Slayer
to make sure that boy of yours doesn’t stake me.”

“Spike,” Buffy said calmly and coldly, “stop it. All that matters right
now is us. Not Angel, not Xander, not Drusilla. So, please, stop being all
affronted and continue with what you were telling me.”

“Right, right, luv. I’m sorry. I just get so bloody angry when I think
how Angel takes away everything of mine. How you could be thinking about being
with him when you’re with me.”

“No,” Buffy said firmly. Spike looked relieved and continued his story.

“I never before cared about who the Slayer was. I did that night. I
wanted to know how you felt about the whelp, what the things were you talked
about with Red, how you looked in the sunshine, about your family, where you were
born. I still wanted to kill you, but I wanted to know you first. And that is a
bloody weird thing for a vampire to want to do. It scared me. And I hoped
fervently that the moon or Miss Edith wouldn’t tell Dru about it. I never wanted
anybody to know that a Master vampire could possibly feel anything other than
hate for a Slayer. Made me feel weak.”

“That’s the strongest thing I’ve ever heard of,” said Buffy in shock as
if astonished that her arch enemy could have felt that way. Spike laughed a
little bitterly.

“Well, thanks for saying it, pet, but - anyway, the point is that
-suppose I have to have a point to all this? I thought so - the point is that
we’ve never had a normal vamp/slayer relationship. There’s hate there, yeah, but
there’s something else too. I can smell it even without feeling it. I liked
killing those Slayers, but I was rather indifferent to them personally. I know
it’s the same for you too. I know you like killing vampires. But you don’t
really care about the vampire part of it. You want to kill vamps, but not any
particular one. Am I right?”

“I’ve wanted to kill particular vamps,” retorted Buffy hotly.

“Because they’d done something, because they’d hurt you or your mates.
But I bet you never just took a look at a vamp and said, ‘I want to kill that
one. Life will never be worthwhile unless I get that one. He’ll be interesting,
he’ll be fun, he’ll be a challenge.’ ” She smiled at his imitation of her voice
and admitted,

“No.”

“Well, that’s how unlife became for me when I met you. I didn’t come to
Sunnydale for you. I came for Drusilla, to kill Angel. But it was all pointless
unless I could be fighting you. I don’t know if this is a spell and I would love
you outside of it, but I do know, luv, that I wouldn’t be indifferent to you. I
know how worthy you are. I like being evil, I like being bad. There is such a
thing as too much good, believe me, I know it. But I love you right now and so,
no more evil for poor Spike.”

“Thank you,” said Buffy. “It’s hard for me to believe that I’m hearing
you say that. Still, I think you’re right. If we two can put our natures on
hold to fight together to stop an apocalypse, even with selfish motives, then we
can love each other, with or without a spell and we can be married.”

“All right, we’ll do that then.”

“And, Spike?”

“Yeah, luv?” Buffy was a little ashamed of herself as she said it and
Spike must have understood because he looked ashamed for hearing it.

“I know what you mean when you said that you only wanted to be fighting
me. I feel that way too.”

“Thanks, pet.”

They lay there a little longer, each processing the overwhelming new information
they had about the other, until Buffy jumped up and said, “We need to get working
on our wedding again. We need to pick a date. We need-“ she changed her tone at
Spike’s pout. “Oh, were you thinking we could do another fun thing right now?”

“Can’t help what you bring out in me, Slayer. Bloodlust and just
ordinary ol’ lust too.”

“You’re a pig, Spike.”

“No, see, I don’t think pigs ever feel bloodlust.”

“Arguing with you leads to the bad, Spike. You’re so annoying, so just
kiss me already.” Spike had a forced smile on his face at her words but pulled
her into his arms. The exploration of each other’s mouths was about to move to
new and exciting places when suddenly, Spike pulled away.

“Buffy luv, can we talk for a minute?”

“Yup, what’s up?” Buffy used her perky cheerleader voice because she
thought something might be wrong.

“I want to do something right,” Spike answered cryptically, looking
shocked that the words had come out of his mouth.

“Ok, what does that mean?” she asked, a little skeptically out of her
long experience with vampires and the fact that they weren’t ever supposed to
want to do something right.

“All right, you know how you human lot says vamps are pretty much
animals? Well, you’re not right, but you’re not wrong there. No conscience, no
ideas about right or wrong, well, plenty of ideas about wrong. A normal vamp
would think nothing of screwing you all night and to hang with any consequences.” Spike spoke slowly as if getting himself used to what he was saying, even though he obviously meant every word.

“Consequences? Spike, you’re a vamp.”

“Not the type I’m thinking of, pet.” Spike hesitated over the next part,
like he wasn't quite sure even an engagement with Buffy merited this depth of
intimate sharing. But he swallowed and shouldered on. “Now, me as a man, not
quite the same as me the demon. I was a proper Victorian gentleman, much as it
pains me to admit it. No gentleman would ever sleep with his lady before they
were married. It wasn’t right. I want to be right with you, Buffy.” She looked
confused and then horror crossed her face as old wounds ripped open. All reserve
she might have kept at knowing she was with Spike was swept away under the tide
of humiliation she felt.


***

“It’s me, isn’t it? Something’s not right with me. It’s like you were saying about me and Parker, you were right, well, not right to say it, but it’s true. I’m too grabby, I make them take me, and then when I wake up they’re gone. Too possessive, yeah, that’s me. Possessive and needy Buffy.” By now she was babbling to herself having retreated to the other side of the room. Spike followed in an instant, enjoying the moment and then upbraiding himself for his words and their effect on her.

“No! Buffy, that has nothing to do with it.” She continued to retreat
and ramble. Spike cursed under his breath before shaking her shoulders
violently. When that didn’t work he slapped her face, all the while grimacing
with pain from the chip. That got her attention and the Slayer in her rose to
the fore and punched him in the nose. His hand flew to it and he half
yelped/half chuckled.

“I knew that’d get you. Always go for the nose, huh, luv?”

“Spike.” Buffy came back to herself. “I’m sorry, I think.”

“Will you let me explain?” Spike cursed himself for having said anything
but now wanted to make it right and cursed himself again for wanting to do that.

“Ok, I’m listening.” Buffy sat down and folded her arms defensively.

“I was a complete git to talk about you like that in the Parker sitch. I
was just trying to get you mad. As for possessive and needy, that’s rot.
Parker’s the most asinine tosser I ever heard of not to want to wake up beside
you. I’ll cut Peaches a break by admitting it’s not exactly his fault that he
didn’t. Buffy, please believe me when I say that’s all I want, to always wake up
beside you.” Both Slayer and vampire were a bit startled at this proclamation so
feeling declared. They were silent for a moment before Buffy asked,

“So why won’t you?” Spike hesitated and then made a huge life decision.

“Because I don’t want to take advantage of you, making you think the only
reason I’m playing white hat is cause you bribe me to in the sack every night.
Because some leftover Victorian ethic in me wants our first time to be on the
wedding night, because I want to cherish you, luv, without feeling like it’s just
something to sate my appetite. I want to do this for you, but I want to do this
for me, to prove to myself that I’m not just an animal, just a demon, but that I
can make my own decisions about what’s right and hold to them. I don’t want to
be the man I was, you’ll never know how glad I am that Dru Sired me, but I want
to be able to act like a man on my own. Does that make sense to you?” Buffy
looked deep into the blue wells of emotion that were his eyes and seeming to find
there what she sought, nodded.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again! Or I swear you’ll be dust
before you can even blink!” Spike laughed.

“That’s my girl. You always hit the hardest when you’re down. I didn’t
mean to scare or hurt you. I know it’s partially my fault that you have those
little insecurities.”

“What insecurities?” Buffy inquired hotly. Spike just chuckled and
continued.

“Sorry about that then. Don’t want my girl weakening on me.” Buffy
started to splutter, but Spike took hold of her chin and told her.

“And before you even ask, you are so beautiful and desirable that if I
could breathe, I wouldn’t be able to.”

“Silver-tongued beast,” Buffy snapped, looking very relieved.

“Golden-haired goddess,” he shot right back. “Which is why, I hope you
won’t take this the wrong way when I say, I don’t think that I should sleep over
here in case the temptation to worship my goddess becomes too great.”

“If you insist. Shall I walk the little vampire back to Giles’?”

“Shut your mouth, vixen. On second thought, I think I’ll do it for
you.” Spike claimed her mouth in a searing kiss that not only left her mouth
shut, but her brain shut down as well.

“Ok, I’m starting to get the temptation thing,” she gasped.

“I think it’s too late for me to go back to Giles’ tonight, but I promise
to behave myself. You were right earlier; we should work on the wedding.”

“Cruel, mean vampire. Hey, I have a wedding date in mind. Tomorrow work
for you?”

“Slow down, luv. Wouldn’t want to get me all worked up again. I promise
as soon as we can get it planned, it’ll happen.”

“Whatever my mortal enemy says.”

“And don’t you forget it, Slayer.”

They spent the rest of the night alternating between fighting over the wedding plans and making out, finally falling asleep wrapped in papers and each other’s arms.