jesterladyfic: (jesterlady)
[personal profile] jesterladyfic
Title: From All Delusions Free
by Jesterlady
Pairing: Shawn/Juliet
Rating: PG
Summary: Missing scene from 6x7 In for a Penny, Shawn and Juliet discuss his behavior.
Disclaimer: I don't own Psych. The title is from an old hymn.



From All Delusions Free

Shawn rubbed his hands and jumped up in down in place a few times before knocking on the door. It took a while but eventually it opened and he saw Juliet looking at him, her shoulders drawn back with tension.

“I’m sorry again,” he said quickly. “Actually sorry this time, not just ‘surprised I could finally be wrong’ sorry and ‘trying to fix it badly’ sorry.”

“That’s a start,” she said.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

She nodded stiffly and stepped back, allowing him access. He walked inside, picking up the traces of her favorite wine on the counter, the ice cream carton in the trash, and a photo album crooked on the coffee table. Clearly she’d been emotionally wounded to the core and was reacting in the best and worst ways she knew how and all of it was his fault.

“What do you need, Shawn?” she asked.

He cringed because he was obviously still very far from the doghouse. Everything with Frank had softened her and he sensed she’d come to a better decision about her dad, but as far as he was concerned, there was a distance in her face that hadn’t been there since Vancouver.

He’d been doing a lot of thinking, dangerous thinking, and he’d distracted himself with copious amounts of nacho eating and White Collar marathons with Gus but his brain hadn’t stopped working. He’d finally come to some rather hard conclusions and even though he didn’t particularly feel like accepting them, the alternative was worst.

It had started the minute he’d followed Juliet and Frank outside the police department and heard the beginning of her tirade at him. He’d gone back inside before she’d finished but he’d heard enough. What she’d said brought something else she’d said to mind and that was when she’d told him he was constantly ignoring her and that it was hurtful. He hadn’t really focused on it at the time, being too busy attempting to get her to come around to where he was coming from, but the look on her face when she’d confronted her dad brought those words back to him and they’d been haunting him ever since.

“I need a lot of things in my life,” he said, “starting with a device that cuts my meat for me and possibly ending with weather control powers for those days when my hair just looks that good.” He stopped because she had sighed and moved away from him. “Okay, okay, sorry, I just…I’m not good at this.”

“Honesty, humility?” she asked. “I noticed.”

“I want you to know that I heard you,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t give in to the temptation of gesticulating wildly with them or putting his fingers to his head as he’d noticed he’d started doing even when no one was around to witness his genius.

“Heard me?”

“I’m not ignoring you,” he said. “I may talk over you, Jules, but I never ever don’t hear what you say.”

“It’s one thing to hear what I say,” she said firmly, “it’s another thing to honor it.”

“So I’m told,” he said, trying to look directly at her without her breaking eye contact. “I’m working on it though. I’m sure it hasn’t escaped your detective’s eye that I can shy away from the reality of life.”

“I had no idea,” she said in the most sarcastic tone he had ever heard come out of someone’s mouth and that included Gus after Shawn had announced to the world he had psychic powers.

“Nothing slides past my girl,” he said, attempting a little levity. She shot him a look and he shrugged. “So I move a bit slowly in this whole relationship area,” he continued. “You’re incredibly patient with me, for which I’m grateful. I just wanted you to know that…I waited a long time for you, the prize in the cereal box, and I don’t want to mess it up. Yet, I did mess it up, so you can see where my problem lies.”

“Try problems. Plural,” she said, but her posture was less defensive.

“The thing is,” he said, pondering whether he would be allowed to move closer to her or not, “I saw the way you looked at your dad. I…I would die, Jules, before I ever did something that made you look at me like that. I don’t ever want to be that man.”

There was a pause before she spoke.

“Trust me, you’re not that man,” she said, a watery tone to her voice. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t hurt me.”

“Which is obviously not good,” said Shawn. “So…is there anything I can do? I mean, take your shot here, the deep and serious Shawn is in the station, but I don’t know how long I can keep him here.”

“I don’t need deep and serious Shawn,” said Juliet, finally smiling at him. “I mostly like shallow and ridiculous Shawn.”

“He likes you, too,” said Shawn, finally edging forward, “more than he’s ever liked anyone. I mean, seriously, he won’t shut up about it. It’s actually embarrassing and I’m pretty sure your ears are always burning and you’ve probably been thinking about getting medical advice but now you know you don’t have to.”

“That’s good he likes me,” she said, allowing his advance. “But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t time for him to grow up a little bit. He can be hurtful and oblivious to the feelings of other people and as much fun as he is, I don’t know if long term that’s going to work for me.”

Shawn stopped walking, feeling a little bit like when he’d realized Yin had captured Juliet; a sort of icy numbness that was mixed with rage and helplessness. Only this time it was pointed at himself.

“I’ll work on it,” he said finally, smiling, holding up four fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“That’s too many fingers, Shawn,” she said, pushing the offending digit down.

“I’ve seen it both ways,” he said, relieved and nervous that she was now so close to him.

“I just want us to move forward,” she said. “Slow is fine, but forward, okay?”

“I’m all about forward momentum,” he said, slowly easing some hair off her face and moving in for a kiss.

She eventually kissed him back and something inside him clicked back into place. He hadn’t known how anxious he’d been. He was realizing a few things about his life. Maybe there was something about him that would fundamentally drive her away, maybe the fact that he was lying to her about his identity kept him constantly hyper aware that this relationship could possibly disintegrate. Either way, he stayed in the moment, relishing the kiss.

“I am glad,” she mumbled against his lips.

“About what?” he asked.

“About my dad.”

“I know,” he said, not able to stop a trace of smugness from his voice.

“I think you might want to date him more than me,” she said, exasperation on her face.

“There’s just something about him, Jules,” he said, focusing his eyes over her shoulder. “His voice or his knowledge, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I cannot tell a lie.”

“I know why you brought him here,” she said, after biting his lip in retribution. “I know you wanted to do the right thing. It may have worked out, Shawn, but you have to be more considerate in the future. Having a relationship with my dad is my choice, not yours. Just because we’re together doesn’t mean you get to decide those kinds of things for me. You get to have input, yes, you get to tell me what you think, but, ultimately, I get to make the call. You of all people should know how difficult it is to have a good relationship with a father who didn’t always do the right thing.”

“Ah,” he said, moving away slightly. “You are only too correct there. I stand corrected, in fact. Just remember that I also know…the benefits of attempting amends.”

“I know,” she said, “which is why I’m cutting you this break.”

“I promise,” he said, attempting to keep hold of the strands of seriousness he had left before he burst, “that if you tell me to back off something, I will. I want you to know that I respect you.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“And…you remember those words I said with the lie detector test when Lassie was all outraged about something that clearly was not my fault?”

“I remember,” she said, a knowing smile on her lips.

“Can we pretend I said them again?” he asked.

“Only if I get to pretend say them back,” she said.

“That’s a deal,” he said and kissed her again. He leaned his forehead against hers and took a moment to appreciate what he had back. There was one more thing he had to be honest about, however. “You know your dad still has the penny, right?” he whispered.

“Of course he does,” said Juliet. “I’m sure you’ve remembered I don’t take kindly to my family members breaking the law and I’m going to make sure he gives it back or he won’t be anyone’s father.”

“You’re a little bit scary sometimes,” Shawn said, not at all worried about the fact.

“Shut up and kiss me again,” she said. He happily complied but once he was done doing that, he remembered his time schedule and snapped back to attention. “Ow,” she said as he somewhat thoughtlessly ripped his fingers from her hair.

“Sorry, sorry, totally my bad,” he said. “Now…I do believe someone is having a party in an hour and that someone is you and you look terrible, dreadful, I’m thinking of breaking up with you. What say you put on that blue dress I like to take off so much?”

“You’re a jerk, Shawn,” she said, rolling her eyes, walking away looking so beautiful he wanted to forget the whole party idea.

He rolled back on his heels, feeling rather self-satisfied before a thought crossed his mind.

“Uh, Jules, you do know that when I said I would back off I didn’t mean anything case-related, right?”
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