Everybody Lives aka The Story of River Song: Part One

[jesterladyfic]

Everybody Lives aka The Story of River Song
By Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: River Song/Eleven, Amy/Rory
Word Count: 31,215
Summary: River Song's life.
Banner by slowsunrise
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. I've used quite a bit of dialogue from the show and that's where the title is from.
A/N: So, River's not exactly my favorite character and I've always felt her arc doesn't make sense, not even in a timey-wimey way, so I resolved to write her story from her POV, changing a few details so that it's actually possible for her to even exist.





Part One

People don’t remember the time of their birth or their first few years of life. Oh, but I’m unusual. Like you wouldn’t believe. But I’ll tell you about it anyway because this is a story like no other. That I can promise.

My name is River Song. That’s not always been my name, but it’s the one I like best, the one that I first heard him call me by.

Who is he? Spoilers, sweetie.

I was born in the fifty-first century to a twenty-first century woman on a space station in the middle of an army and a war was waged for my allegiance. Talk about spoiling a girl.

I’ve had to piece together the fragments of the story from different people, my parents, enemies, innocent bystanders, and always him. But I can remember it. I can remember flashes of red hair, desperate words of encouragement, an eye patch, and then nothing but black. I was taken from my mother, never allowed to see my father, and given to the enemy.

But a spectacular battle was fought that day for me. My parents had come for me even if I wasn’t there anymore. The battle of Demon’s Run lives on in the memories of more than a few civilizations. And I would know. The armies of the Silence were driven back in retreat and people died. People died for me because I wasn’t there. Not that I didn’t make up for it later. Better fashionably late than never, I suppose.

The early years are a bit of a blur, I admit. I don’t know whether to be thankful for that or not. But I try not to think about it, and, really, who has the time? But I do remember training, learning, growing, experimenting, stretching, revision, and a great deal of pain.

Upon further reflection I’ve concluded that the memory loss was a result of a combination of brainwashing, memory erasure/being with the Silence, and my own natural time immunities.

Because I’m no ordinary human, me. Oh no, I’m the child of the Tardis. And that’s the most wonderful heritage anyone can have. I’m fully human and I can’t change my cells anymore (wait for that bit!) but I understand time a lot better than most linear beings can. It’s an innate knowledge built on the fiery courage and patient wisdom of my parents that mixed with the power of the time vortex in the heart of the Tardis. A bit of a cautionary tale for newlyweds, you might say.

The Tardis is a time machine, but not just a machine, she’s so very alive, so very much a…mother. I can hear her inside my head, not as much as he can, of course, but nearly all the time. She taught me how to fly her in what felt like seconds even though I know she prefers his rocky piloting to my smooth skill. Silly girl, my mother Tardis, but the very best place to be in the universe. Because of her I can run across all of time and space, with him or by myself, and I know she shields my mind from the things I shouldn’t know. Like those first few years of my life.

I do remember Florida in the sixties. You’d think any little girl would be pleased as anything to be there. Sandy beaches, communism threats, all the usual treats. But I spent most of my time in an old run-down orphanage with the most spectacularly spooky staircase even if I couldn’t fully appreciate that at the time. I was taken care of by a very broken-minded old man and I often wished I could send him away and make him better, yet, I never wanted him to leave me alone with them. Even if I couldn’t remember who they were most of the time. But I did know that suit. That space suit they kept testing and improving and making me get into. It was a veritable horror and nothing like play-acting. I would get flashes of him in my head, of faces I was sure I’d never seen, but I still didn’t know who I was.

I doubt anyone will ever really know. One of a kind, River Song.

Did I mention I was born Melody Pond? (So sorry, dear Father, but I could never be a Williams like you, I don’t deserve it.) That’s what they called me back then. Back in the Florida days with the spacesuit. What Mr. Renfrew called me when he could remember who I was, when he wasn’t painting the walls with red paint and…other things. It was he who first got me to think of getting help. Once they’d moved me to the warehouse I had more opportunity. I was left alone more often. And I had access to a communications system.

My fear and youth combined to the only sensible solution any young American child would need and I called the President. I didn’t know how I always reached him, but I only could when I was wearing that awful suit. But the idiotic man seemed to think I was a boy and I was much too young and scared at the time to give any kind of coherent response or message. So I was stuffed in the suit and given the order to kill. I didn't want to. I kept calling for help, wanting anyone, anyone to save me from the spaceman. Those were my first glimpses of him. Seen in shadow, behind a mask of fear, but it would forever color my existence. Yet I was supposed to kill him.

Rather hard to do with your mother pointing a gun at you. My, but it is exciting being a time traveler. I recognized her from the old picture I had in my room, the one thing they’d given me or let me keep, I’m not sure. And that’s why I was startled into not shooting, I think. Instead, I ran. I ran as far as I could. They found me anyway, they’re everywhere, the forgetful annoyances that they are and they forced me back, back to confront my mother once again. At that point, though, she was scared and afraid, I was even more so, and all I could think was that my mother had finally come to take me away.

“Please help me. Help me. Please.”

But my mother couldn’t remember and she couldn’t stop the Silence. They took her and I ran again. But I had the good sense to run without the suit. To fight and claw my way out of it. It hurt more than you could ever imagine, but I did it anyway. I hadn’t realized that strength and skill was part of who I was. That they’d made me different than other humans. I’d always been different on the inside and now I was on the outside as well. Pretty heavy thoughts for a small child and I didn’t take the time to analyze them. I just wanted to get away. I ran for so long, for months. I remember thinking hazily that maybe I could find my mother.

I died instead.

***

What’s dying like? Well, it’s all very relative, isn’t it? I can’t tell you how you’ll die and no one but he will ever die like I died. It’s a little bit like being covered in molten lava, (trust me on that) it’s a little bit like taking a shower, a little bit like having a fever, a little bit like having a seizure, a little bit like a nature show, a little bit like making love, a little bit like everything. And it hurts. It’s fire and ice and it’s wonderful in a way, like getting a new haircut that’s really first rate or buying a new dress that you can’t wait to wear. I couldn’t control it that first time, I don’t think anyone can entirely (though some used to be much better at it, I’ve read); but I know I can at least a little better than he can, (he’s rubbish at regenerating). The oddest part is that it isn’t over when you’ve changed.

I hadn’t really known what was going to happen actually. I know I told that man not to worry, but I was just repeating rote told to me by…a woman. Someone I didn’t like but knew very well. Yet it was something that I could feel inside. Deep down I knew that dying wasn’t the end. And it most certainly was not. It was only the beginning. The first cycle of the rest of my crazy life.

Still, I was a little disoriented at first. Understandably, I think. I was even younger than I had been before and I was left in an alley in the middle of New York with a man of disreputable fashion sense though I doubt that was his fault, poor thing. He didn’t know what to do with a crying child who had just disintegrated into golden light so he ran in the other direction. I was too busy trying to figure out how I had a ten year old’s knowledge and what to do with that in a three year old’s body which was brand new. So I sat down by his fire, trying to examine my new self as best I could without a mirror, and I waited.

They found me rather quickly actually. I was a little bit surprised but by then I was too tired and little to do much about it. I did find out that you do not mess with a girl in the middle of her regeneration cycle. I’d like to see anyone else knock out an entire line of Silence with their regenerative powers. Not that I remembered it afterwards. More’s the pity. But there were some of the Silence’s allies or servants that got the same treatment and I remembered their flattened out bodies with eye patches for a good long while.

There was that woman again, but I couldn’t remember that afterward. I just remembered a gravelly voice talking to me.

“You didn’t think you could run forever, little Melody? We knew where you were the instant you started to regenerate. And now the time has come to place our girl for her task. Always remember that, Melody. You were born to kill the Doctor.”

After that I remember white, sterile walls, a long metal table, a device that had long, circular tubes coming out of it, and a large screen of some kind. Thinking about it gives me a headache so I don’t, thank you. I’m sure we can all well imagine the kinds of things that happened at that point. We’ll skip along to the voyage I next took. To a little town in England.

I don’t know what planet I was on then or what century. I do remember getting very tired of tests. I remember closing my eyes and trying very hard to wish myself away. I didn’t mind killing their precious Doctor, but did it have to take all this to do it? I didn’t think so. So I did escape. I knocked out some guards, grabbed a gun (I was only seven!) and a wrist device I’d seen some people operate. And then I wasn’t there anymore. I was somewhere else. Somewhere like Earth. Then it was all down to good, old fashioned detective work. I found out what year and what planet and then spent a week learning how to properly use my wrist device and set out to find the two people I knew who could lead me to the Doctor.

It took me years which was rather a benefit for I looked the proper age by the time I got to them. It was beyond just needing to get to the Doctor, some part of me needed to see them, wanted to see them. Wanted to feel somewhat normal, to know what it would be like to grow up under them. Okay, and I got the timing just a bit off. I’ll learn, don’t you worry about that.

It was the twentieth century and I got myself placed in Leadworth. Lower Leadworth to be precise. I had a home and parents. Two sets actually because my real parents were children who lived in the same town and were in my class at school. Complicated I told you, oh yes. But I had parents who brought me up and acted as my guardians. They were fake, (robots actually) but they didn’t realize that. That made it easier for the population to accept. Clyve and Rita Thompkins and their wayward daughter Melody, Mels if you like. We’d moved from South London for my health, you see. We were hoping to have a quiet life, a normal life. One where I could get out and mix with the local kids and possibly play sports of some kind.

It was hard to be the only one in my family with any idea of why we were really there. For me to play spy. For me to get close to my adolescent parents. For me to kill the Doctor. At the time I didn’t have a problem with that and I hadn’t since the alley. It was all so very simple. It was what I had been born to do and I could do it better than anyone alive. All I had to do was wait because he would be coming back for my parents. But it was still hard.

Clyve and Rita, (it would be too confusing to call them my parents, don’t you agree?) had encouraged me to go out and mingle, as it were, before school started in a few weeks. (A little ironic when I’m the one who programmed them to in the first place.) So I had gone outside. I was older now from my long search and I was even older than that in my head. Never try to overshadow me in the strange department; I’m afraid you won’t win.

Leadworth was…boring. Utterly and completely stagnant. I hated it. The only place I hated more was that orphanage. I had so much hope the Doctor would come and then I could be free of that completely useless town. Once he was dead then I would go off and explore the universe. Then I met Amelia Pond and Rory Williams.

It was a bit odd meeting them for the first time, but I rather enjoyed myself. I was walking, just along the road, looking for something to do. I really was fooling myself. There was nothing until I heard a shout from up ahead and I grinned. There was a garden with a hedge around it and I peeked over the top. A ginger girl was dressed up in a nightdress and carrying a suitcase and using it to bang the knees of a small, light-haired boy.

“You’re on fire!” she cried. “I’ll save you, Doctor.”

“I don’t want to be on fire,” the boy cried, obviously feeling the bruises. “The Doctor doesn’t get caught on fire. He’s too clever for that, you told me so.”

“You don’t know anything,” the girl said with a rather self-important tone to her voice. “I know the Doctor and maybe you will if you’re lucky enough to be around when he comes back for me.”

“I’m not going anywhere!” the boy cried, just as fiercely, and stuck out his tongue at her.

“Then be on fire, stupid,” the girl said.

“It’s not nice to call people names,” the boy said. “The Doctor wouldn’t.”

I could quickly see what his defense against her was. Whatever he didn’t like he could probably bet the Doctor wouldn’t either and if she could see it too, then he might just win. A really brilliant strategy if you thought about it. But I’d always known there had to be something amazing about each of my parents.

Reluctantly, my mother, (oh, surely you realized that by now), nodded.

“The Doctor is good though he doesn’t mind saying just what he thinks. Fine, Rory, but the Doctor saved me from Prisoner Zero and now I’m saving him from being burnt up. That’s the game.”

I decided to step in.

“Wouldn’t you rather have a proper villain?”

They both turned and stared at me.

“Who are you?” Rory asked cautiously.

“Why are you in my garden?” she asked a bit more brusquely.

“I was just happening by, but I think you need a third to play act this particular game,” I said. “Name’s Mels. Just moved in.”

“I’m Rory,” the boy said, sticking out his hand, “and this is Amelia.”

“Well met, you two,” I said, grinning, shaking his hand more heartily than strictly necessary. “Now…tell me about the Doctor.”

“You wouldn’t want to know,” Amelia said a bit frostily. “Only Rory doesn’t think I’m crazy.”

“I think you’ll find I’m quite crazy myself,” I told her. “And I love Doctors.”

Amelia regarded me for a moment or two, then finally smiled.

“You can be Prisoner Zero. Rory’s the Doctor, and I’ll be myself. You’ll know all about it soon enough.”

“Maybe one day you will too,” I murmured and stepped into the garden. “A villain, oh, I hope that means something.”

***

And that’s how it started. When we weren’t playing Raggedy Doctor we were playing Pandora’s Box or encouraging Amy’s rather interesting fascination with Ancient Rome. We very quickly established ourselves as the three odd idiots in the relatively boring town and that was just fine with me. Poor Amelia went to psychiatrist after psychiatrist; often blamed as the source of my own acting out since everything for me was colored by the wild stories of the Doctor, because I knew every word was true. But I think Amelia would rather have been blamed than for me to have been. While she often scolded me heartily in private, she stood up fiercely for me in public, (isn’t she the proper little mother?), and bit quite a lot of people on my behalf. And Rory’s. Without question she led us around by our noses. Not that I ever listened to her really. What kind of a rebel daughter would I be if I did?

Poor Rory was hounded by these two strong-willed little girls and while I believed he regarded me fondly, (very stern and over-protective if I think about it), I knew that it was Amelia he would always live and die for, (even at the tender age of twelve), and that’s just what a girl looks for in a father, don’t you agree?

As for me, well, nobody messes with my parents and gets away with it. Jeff Angelo found that out the first day of my first term at school. Always a little dim, poor Jeff.

Having spent the past few weeks playing ‘the Doctor’ with Amelia and Rory I’d grown rather fond of them and their misplaced faith in the Raggedy Doctor. Yes, I believed he was amazing and brilliant and had saved Amelia, but I also knew that his fervor could burn the whole universe and that had to be stopped. By yours truly.

Still, being rather happy for perhaps the first time in my life, I had no qualms whatsoever in putting down an idiot when I saw one.

It was our first free period and Amelia had brought her little models to school to play with. Rory had ‘borrowed’ another of his father’s ties. It was the first time that the children of the village at large had seen a re-enactment of the famous Doctor. Most of them laughed, a couple scoffed, and Jeff Angelo, (no doubt through some inability to express how much he wanted to be friends), decided to deride Amelia for her fantasy.

“You’re dafter than old lady Poggit!” Jeff shouted boldly, swaggering to the front of the group. “My mum says you’re bound for the loony bin cause your aunt doesn’t want to have to put up with your crazy notions anymore.”

Amelia practically bared her teeth and I saw Rory tense up, like he wanted nothing more than to punch Jeff, but wasn’t sure how. (Oh, Father dear, that you will learn, I promise.)

“Oi, you got a problem?” I asked, sauntering behind Jeff and slinging my arm over his shoulders. “Sounds like your little brain doesn’t know how to comprehend the wonders of the universe. Poor baby. Bet your parents are disappointed. Maybe they want to send you away. Maybe you’ll have to live on the streets. And without even an imagination to keep you happy. What a sad life you’ll have.”

Jeff gaped at me, as did most of the children, including Rory. Amelia narrowed her eyes, but said nothing.

“Y-you’re one to talk,” Jeff finally stuttered. “Nobody even knows who you are.”

“Nobody needs to,” I said and moved away, not really caring what he might have to say next.

I heard a noise from behind me and reacted purely on instinct, (the best in three galaxies, maybe more). I bent, grabbed behind me to seize Jeff’s arm, twisted, and used his weight to throw him to the ground. I put my fashionably-attired foot on his chest.

“How-how?” he asked, looking so scared he just might cry.

“You’ll never know, dear,” I said, “but I bet the Doctor would have.”

I moved away, gathering Amelia and Rory in my wake. Amelia bent over Jeff and I heard a little shriek coming from him, then Amelia wiped her mouth distastefully and walked off, dragging Rory who was gaping.

“I think you’re in charge of security,” she informed me.

I laughed and turned a cartwheel.

***

It was like that all the time. Crazy Mels with her inability to follow the rules. Mad Amelia and her delusions and propensity for biting people. Loyal Rory always tagging along faithfully and giving us just the edge of respectability we needed.

I killed off my mother Rita when I was fourteen. Not maliciously, I promise you. But though it was surprisingly easy to program and fix robots from the fifty-first century because I was me, it was still rather hard to get the proper parts when my time travelling device had died. So I staged a tragedy for myself. And, really, it just gave me the excuse to act out even more.

The townspeople all nodded knowingly and clucked their tongues at my antics. Rory and Amelia stuck by my side like two limpets, refusing to let me go anywhere alone. Silly little dears.

There was one thing I refused to do and that was to pretend that the Doctor wasn’t real. As Amelia grew up she started to avoid mentioning him and the dolls and play-acting were put aside, but the Doctor was my life, even then, and I used every opportunity I had to mention him. Besides, hearing about him from Amelia’s perspective was a bit like re-indoctrination. Her picture of the Raggedy Doctor was so vivid, so passionate, so real, that it made me wish it could be so. I wanted the Raggedy Doctor to be real, to not be the Oncoming Storm that I knew he was. I wanted to travel the stars in that blue box of his, laughing at the universe. Since the only perfect male I knew happened to be my father, I wasn’t inclined to think about boys…too much. (A girl’s got to have some fun, after all!) I always knew the only man I could ever marry would be the Doctor.

And then I would kill him. Just the way it had to be.

So the day that Amelia died and Amy rose from her ashes was a very sad one for me. The last psychiatrist had just been bitten. We were about sixteen and Rory had been bullied into dancing lessons for the school dance coming up. Amy never said why she stopped believing, but isn’t it obvious? The wear and tear of time, the leaving and never looking back, (that’s the real Doctor, I thought to myself), and her dreams had died. They’d been starved and even girls like Amelia Pond can’t stay little forever. They can’t wait forever.

Boys like Rory can wait forever and they do, indeed, they do for the right thing. But not my mother. No, the stars hadn’t come for her, so she turned her back on them. She coolly demanded we call her Amy from now on, decided she didn’t want to talk about the Doctor anymore, (not that that ever stopped me), and made fun of Rory’s latest haircut.

It was just one more reason to kill the Doctor.

Therefore, my next mission was to get the two of them together already because, honestly, it still remains a wonder I was even born. Rory refused to take chances and Amy was completely oblivious. There was much gradual pushing, especially on Rory’s end.

“Just tell her already.”

“No, no, no. She-she doesn’t, she won’t…”

“Stop stammering, be a man, and let it rip out of you. You’re meant to be.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve been to the future,” I said wisely.

“Don’t tell that to Amy,” he said suddenly, rather fiercely. “She’s getting over it. Whatever happened back…then. Don’t-don’t drag her back into it.”

“My word on it, soldier,” I said, saluting him mockingly. “But you have to make a move.”

He didn’t. Not until I forced it to come out.

One night I stole a bus and got bailed out by my parents, (really, the proper way).

“Seriously, it’s got to be you two. Oh, cut to the song already, it’s getting boring.”

Of course Rory froze in place and Amy looked absolutely confused and tried to explain it away by listing all the reasons why she’d never gone after him.

“He’s gay.”

“A friend.”

Oh, the looks on their faces. Especially Rory’s.

“I’m not gay.”

Trust my mother to try and bring an unwilling victim out of the closet.

“In the entire time I’ve known you when have you ever shown the slightest interest in a girl?”

“Penny in the air,” I whispered.

“I've known you for what, ten years? I've seen you practically every day. Name one girl you've paid the slightest bit of attention to.”

My dear father was not quite the man of legend he will be and he ran and my dear mother finally understood what everyone in the entire town of Leadworth, Upper and Lower, had known for years and ran after him.

“Penny drops.”

Though it was all a bit same-y after that. Us three hanging out became a bit awkward when it was Rory staying over instead of me and who really wants to watch their parents make out anyway?

So I turned to the wide world of crime to keep me busy, all the while keeping an ear to the ground because the time had to be close for the Doctor to come back.

Just my luck that I was in Brazil the day it happened.

***

When I got back from a little bit of a crazy drug syndicate bust-up, (such stories as will never be told, I’m afraid), I found out that the Doctor had come back and had saved the Earth with the help of Jeff Angelo of all people. Just because the boy had improved a bit didn’t give him license to help save the world. At least in my opinion. I might have pouted for a few weeks.

Amy said she was the same, yet Rory and I saw that it had changed her. Her protestations of the Doctor not being real had vanished and she was quieter. It had obviously hurt her that he’d left her behind again. I told her that if she ever saw him again she had to come and get me at once because I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And snuff out his life. The little things.

Rory was happier only in that Amy now depended on him for a lot more and no longer tried to avoid their relationship. It was just a year later that he proposed, (after much prodding from yours truly), and she accepted. She asked me to stand up for her, I laughed and told her there was only one wedding I would ever go to, my own, and that depended highly on the groom. I did throw her the most amazing stagette party and Rory has never ceased to scold me for it.

So I went away for the whole week of their wedding and the week after. And the blasted man came to their wedding! I was definitely losing my touch. On the other hand, I did have an amazing rendezvous in an amazing little Swiss chalet. One can’t have everything, I suppose.

My parents were away for a few weeks on their honeymoon, though when they got back they informed me they’d been on several honeymoons. And that they’d been gone for more than a year, (Earth time), before that. I was a bit livid and they were a bit apologetic and there were a few hugs all around but I’ve still never quite forgiven them for it.

All their stories about the Doctor were new and fresh and I drank them up like water in the desert. Vampires in Venice, Silurians beneath the Earth, a planet on a honeymoon, something about a Pandorica, flying fish and dream crystals, star whales and Vincent Van Gogh, singing planets and Weeping Angels with some woman who might be the Doctor’s wife. I was green with envy on both accounts. Oh, that man, that impossible man. I so needed to meet him.

They decided to go on a trip to America about two months after they were married and a sickeningly perfect pair of newlyweds they made too, except that Amy was looking a little bit peaked before they went and I jokingly said she must be pregnant. (Well, how was I to know?) They didn’t tell me why, except that they wanted a normal honeymoon.

I thought about following them, (they were annoyingly mum about whether the Doctor was going to come back and I had my suspicions), but ended up getting caught while stealing a rather fetching necklace from a jewelry store and, thus, was not able to catch up. By the time I’d found out where they went they were mysteriously back in Leadworth and absolutely, completely different people.

I went to their house the minute I heard that they were back. It was like walking into a scene from a nightmare. Amy was dressed all in white, some sort of hospital clothing. Rory had apparently taken our childhood much too much to heart and was dressing like a centurion again. They didn’t want to see me, they didn’t want to talk. I left them alone to their private grief, but I was back again the next day.

Oh, my poor mother. She was so broken and my father…well, he was haunted and quiet. So like the soldier he’d half-handedly mentioned he’d been for two thousand years. Like it wasn’t him it had happened to. But I could see the difference in his eyes. He was older than I was now, so much older. And he’d lost something. I wouldn’t know till later what it was when a choked up Rory informed me privately that Amy had lost a baby. He made it sound like a still birth, but I was already the proof it wasn’t and I felt just a little bit more reconciled to my parents, seeing how much they had actually wanted me. But I had to watch Amy, so very pale, get harder and quieter, and she wouldn’t tell me what had happened. Just that they had to find the Doctor again.

It was a whole summer before they did and they made their desperate plan meanwhile; I may have added a helpful idea or two without really knowing what they were planning. But then again, it was only fair, because they didn’t know what I was planning. And they wouldn’t have been happy had they found out. But that couldn’t be helped. It was what I was born to do and do it I had to.

I had the feeling I wouldn’t be back so I offed my robot dad. Another tragedy for Mels to act out over. The people all around gathered in sympathy and it was the only thing that got Amy and Rory to take a break from their Doctor-finding plans. That's the kind of people my folks are. They may be in the worst kind of pain imaginable, but if something happens to someone they love, they step up to the plate.

Then it happened, the day I met the Doctor and got him right where I wanted him: on his back.

***

“You said he was funny, you never said he was hot.”

Oh, the Doctor. He was absolutely everything I’d ever dreamed and studied about and so much more. It would be an absolute shame to kill him. Still, the sirens were ringing and I had just stolen a rather amazing vehicle. Too bad the Doctor’s such a clever liar. Because I didn’t have time to notice the slight tugging of recognition as I stepped into the blue box I’d been hearing about all my life. No, I just shot and created a beautiful chaos, crashed into Third Reich, and got shot by Hitler.

It hurt. A lot. And my father couldn’t save me, even though I could feel him trying. Not that I really minded dying. Dying creates sympathy and now that I had the Doctor, I didn’t need to keep up the pretenses. I could finally let my parents know who I was.

“I used to dream about you. All those stories Amy told me.”

“What stories? Tell me what stories. Vampires in Venice, that's a belter.”

“When I was little, I was going to marry you.”

I could never marry anyone else, I still thought so.

“Good idea, let's get married. You live and I'll marry you, deal? Deal?”

Oh, that daft man!

“Shouldn't you ask my parents’ permission?”

“Soon as you're well, I'll get on the phone.”

“Might as well do it now, since they're both right here.” I had to laugh inside through the pain at their glances. I could see the moment of recognition in the Doctor’s eyes, when he figured out what was happening. “Penny in the air. Penny drops!”

“What the hell's going on?”

Soon, Father dear, soon.

“Back! Back! Back! Get back!”

With effort I stood up. It looks better when you’re standing up.

“Last time I did this I ended up a toddler in the middle of New York.”

“Okay, Doctor, explain what is happening? Please!”

Oh, Mother, always with the questions.

“Mels. Short for..?”

“Melody,” I supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, I named my daughter after her.”

“You named your daughter... after your daughter.”

Which, honestly, I hadn’t planned. I hadn’t even known to. Seems like some things just work out on their own.

But everything was going to change from that point and I had no idea who I would become. I wouldn’t really be their daughter anymore. Naturally or adopted. Not in the same way. If anything was to be said, it would have to be now.

“Took me years to find you two. I'm so glad I did. And, you see, it all worked out in the end, didn't it? You got to raise me after all.”

“You're Melody?”

“But if she's Melody, that means she's also...”

I had no idea what Rory was blathering about, but I couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Oh, shut up, Dad! I'm focusing on a dress size.”

Cut to the glorious, golden explosion that would become me as I am now.

First thing’s first, I loved my new hair. Oh, it was amazing. And the curves. Well, I should be having a lot of fun there.

“The teeth!” I looked into the mirror. “The teeth, the teeth! Oh, look at them!” How convenient he was standing just like that. Oh, my Doctor. “Watch out! That bow tie! Excuse me, you lot, I need to weigh myself!”

I heard them gibbering in the background, but I was doing a lot of self-discovery. And applying poison lips, that sort of thing. Luckily I always kept a supply on hand.

“That's River Song.”

“Who's River Song?”

They all looked at me like I had two heads. Honestly, it was just a little question.

“Spoilers.”

I didn’t really have the time to find out what spoilers were. I was regenerating like crazy and everything was so brand new. Last time I hadn’t really had the time to process before I was bundled up into a lab. This time I was so much older and I could more easily integrate the before with the after.

But I can’t tell you how disorienting being in a new body is. It’s like being born with the sensibility to recognize it and the memory of a whole other life to boot. And this time I was right on target for my mission. Truth be told it was more my focus than my new body or personality.

“Well, now, enough of all that!” Time to kill. “Down to business.”

“Oh, hello. I thought we were getting married.”

Oh, if only I had the time…

“I told you, I'm not a wedding person.”

Which began a slight little dance that I didn’t mind losing at all. Ooh, he was good. Absolutely perfect. I could have just eaten him up.

“Goodness, is killing you going to take all day?”

“Why? Are you busy?”

“Oh, I'm not complaining.”

The letter opener was tossed aside.

“If you were in a hurry, you could've killed me in the cornfield.”

“We'd only just met. I'm a psychopath, I'm not rude.”

“You are not a psychopath! Why would she be a psychopath?”

Strange how I felt so differently toward Amy after regenerating. The protectiveness was all gone. A little bit of the abandonment was back.

“Oh, Mummy, Mummy, pay attention. I was trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to kill the Doctor.”

“Demon’s Run, remember? This is what they were building, my bespoke psychopath.”

“I’m all yours, sweetie.”

And the deed was done. Oh, it was perfect, it was cruel, and it was finally over. A bit of a letdown really, but then I’d never been one to let boredom get me down. I had a whole city to explore and once I was finished running amuck I had no doubt I could somehow figure out how to get the attention of someone to get me out of there. Maybe I would kidnap my parents in the Tardis. It couldn’t be that difficult to fly.

It didn’t end up that way, however. I was caught by technology I didn’t understand and saved by my parents. By him. And I watched him, watched him be mad and brilliant and impossible and I began to see exactly what Amy had seen all those years ago. How he seemed to know me. Seemed to understand me when I didn’t even understand myself. I couldn’t save him, but he made me feel a little bit more kindly disposed to my parents.

“You-you’re the child of the Tardis,” he gasped out. “You can fly her. You can save them.”

So I stepped into the Tardis and this time I felt it. I felt like I was home. I felt more surrounded by love than I’d ever felt. All that I’d ever wondered about suddenly made sense and I just knew how to fly her. I knew how she worked, I knew how to save them, and I knew I’d never forget it. I think the Tardis changed something in me, or, maybe, something in me that had been missing was finally back in place.

Amy and Rory looked at me in amazement when we materialized around them.

“I seem to be able to fly her. She showed me how…she taught me. The Doctor says I'm the child of the Tardis. What does he mean?”

“Where is he?” was all Amy could say.

And they knelt by their dying friend and then motioned for me to do the same.

"Find her. Find River Song and tell her something from me.”

“Tell her what?”

He whispered it in my ear.

“Tell her I will never give up on her.”

“Well, I'm sure she knows,” I said, and for a desperate moment I wished I was River Song, though not once she found out the Doctor had died.

“Who's River Song?”

Amy showed me. My mother showed me my new form. I was to be River Song. And the idea seemed impossible to me. How could the Doctor have such faith in me? I knew time could be re-written, I felt it. But he seemed so sure.

I would give anything to be that sure. So I decided to change the world.

“Just tell me. The Doctor…is he worth it?”

It wasn’t just Melody Pond asking, not just Mels Thompkins, not just the future River Song. Everything inside me that I had ever been or ever would be wanted to know. Needed to know. Needed to have the faith that little Amelia Pond had found so easy.

“Yes. Yes, he is.”

I put my hands to his face, summoning all of my regenerative energy.

“River? No! What are you doing?”

I smiled.

“Hello, sweetie.”

The power flooded out of me and into him as I kissed him and I would never have it any other way. After all, it was a hell of a real first kiss.

The next thing I knew my parents were leaning over me, and, amazingly enough, they looked like they loved me. I didn’t know why, but I was so glad. With all that had happened and with my regenerative energy gone I could remember their grief more clearly and I knew how hard they had tried to find me.

Amy told me that I couldn’t regenerate anymore. I would be this way forever. Thank goodness it was a good one then, don’t you agree?

“He said no one could save him but he must have known I could.”

“Rule one.” I heard his voice. “The Doctor lies.”

I could barely hear anything after that, just somehow him saying.

“She will be... amazing.”

I hoped he was right.