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jesterladyficTitle: A Masterpiece of Meticulous Exactitude
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Chloe/Oliver, Clark/Lois, Lex/Lana
Summary: Oliver, Clark and Lex cook up an idea for the whole team to participate in. If only things would go right for once.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. The title is from a Deep Space Nine Episode.
Part One: The Proposal
Part Two: The Planning
Part Three: The Production
Clark was feeling nervous. Despite all his many powers, he usually was for one reason or another. Whether it was the first day of high school, coming to work at the Daily Planet, telling someone he loved his secret, or putting on a play, he was always nervous. Plus, the costume he was wearing was incredibly uncomfortable. Despite the constant teasing from his friends and teammates, his own Superman outfit was a hundred times easier to wear than this tunic/tights ensemble. He spared a brief thought wishing that Excelsior had thought to put on a different play and not encouraged Oliver's Robin Hood obsession, but upon further reflection, he guessed it was a very good thing that Oliver had been inspired in that direction or there was a very good chance all of them would have been dead at one point or another. All of these thoughts were simply a way to avoid actually walking out of the dressing rooms Lex had set up and he knew it, so he took a deep breath and headed out to the theater area.
“Little John he ain't,” Lois said upon seeing him and Clark flushed.
“Lois, not here,” he said, looking around quickly to see if anyone else had heard.
Dinah and AC were flashing him knowing grins and Clark grimaced. Superman he may be, but Clark Kent was quite susceptible to teasing.
“Stop getting all cute and red,” Lois said, “and come help me zip up this dress. I swear, it's a wonder women ever used to get out of bed in the morning. Oh, maybe it was because they had to cater to man's every whim.”
“You look beautiful,” he told her sincerely and she smiled just as sincerely back at him.
“Now go shoo,” she told him. “The softer side of Lois is not the side that needs to be on center stage at the moment.”
Clark nodded and headed for the other side of the stage, frantically mumbling lines under his breath, calming himself with the thought that at least there really wasn't anyone there to see him mess up. He peeked his head out of the curtains just to be sure and his heart nearly stopped.
There were chairs set up in front of the stage and his mother was sitting in the front row. Right next to her was Lana and Perry and Jimmy and Pete. Close by sat Emil, Courtney, Zatanna, Kara, Mera and J'onn.
Clark started sputtering and felt Chloe's hand on his arm.
“Calm yourself there, Clark. I don't think it'd be good for Little John to have a panic attack on opening night.”
“What are they doing here? No one was supposed to see. Chloe, I don't know any of my lines!”
“I'm sorry,” she said, “I should've told you before. I didn't want you to invent some disaster so you wouldn't have to come.”
“Chloe!” he practically wailed.
“I knew how much this meant to Ollie,” Chloe told him unapologetically, “and I wanted it to be something he could remember so I made a few calls. Just try to pull out that Superman charm and remember how good you actually are at wearing a disguise and playing a part. But do not mess this up for him!”
Clark gulped and nodded, not knowing if he felt better or worse.
Chloe's face softened and she smiled at him.
“You'll do great. Break a leg, use kryptonite if necessary.”
“Very funny,” he called after her.
She simply waved a hand backward in response and Clark went to go find Lex.
“Don't say anything, Clark, I know how you feel,” Lex said, adjusting his own costume. Clark figured that would probably be the theme of the night for everyone. The sizes weren't perfect either. “Chloe made the call without telling anyone. I'd rather not have anybody else witness this experience either, but it doesn't look like we're going to have a choice.”
“If you had simply shot him down...”
Lex stopped fiddling with his costume and looked him in the eye.
“Tell me honestly that this has been the worst experience of your life that didn't involve lives being in danger and defeating evil aliens.”
“I can't and you know it,” Clark said. “You're not playing fair.”
“When do I ever?” Lex replied calmly. “Clark, this is fun, so don't worry so much. Just do your part.”
“Okay, okay,” Clark said, trying to breathe normally, “I can do this.”
“You are the Traveler,” Lex said, smiling that one smile that Clark didn't actually like.
“And I trusted you,” he returned.
Then Lex did smile genuinely.
“And I trust you not to screw this up.”
Clark nodded and took his place.
A frantic looking Oliver came running through the wings.
“Places, places!”
Victor put a hand out and yanked him back.
“I'm the director, Queen. Five minutes, everyone. Places.”
Oliver shot him a look, but Clark didn't have time to worry about that now. He forced himself not to listen for distress calls and got to his mark.
The curtain went up.
***
If any reviews of the play had been put up, Lex was pretty sure they would have blistered the performance of every single person on the stage. On the other hand, the entire thing was a disaster for reasons other than bad acting. Wherever the costumes had come from or gone, something had gotten into them and everyone was extremely uncomfortable which made for interesting action sequences. The set still swayed somewhat dangerously from time to time making it difficult to concentrate on anything other than when one was supposed to dive for one's life. Bart's hyper-activity complex had kicked in, making him somewhat blurry around the edges at all times. Lois and Dinah were getting a little too much into their roles and improv-ing quite a few lines that weren't really appropriate to Ye Olde England times.
There was one major distress call in the second act that called for Clark's intervention and he'd reappeared within seconds of leaving stating that he needed AC's help. They'd put the play on hold for twenty minutes and then an additional ten when the two men had gotten back since their costumes had to be gotten back into. AC made his next scene debut with dripping wet hair, but that probably wasn't a shock to anyone who knew him.
But as it was, Lex had never had so much fun in his life and that included the first play. From the beginning their audience had shown them no mercy, making the entire thing look like an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Zatanna had started it, no surprise there, with a ridiculously loud stage whisper to Courtney about Oliver's tights. The difference between Mystery Science Theater and the Justice League's production of Robin Hood was that the Justice League could talk back. Both Chloe and Oliver had whipped their heads around so fast that it was surprising nothing had been damaged. Then Chloe had smiled a quiet little smile that Lex inherently distrusted and whispered something in Oliver's ear and laughed low in her throat in a fashion that was not appropriate for Maid Marian to have done.
“Challenge accepted,” Oliver had said and Lex knew, because he'd been stuck listening to the script for the last few weeks, that it wasn't just his next line.
They were currently in the final scene and Lex was feeling adrenaline charged. He and Tess were back to back facing the whole band of merry men and the catcalls from the audience were becoming louder.
“You shall trouble this land no longer,” Oliver cried impressively.
“Now if only you would stop troubling it we could all go home,” Pete called out.
“Now that I have saved this land,” Oliver said with a glare, “we shall wipe out all annoying troublemakers from the earth. And I know just where to start.”
“So do I,” Courtney said, half-heartedly Lex thought. The girl wasn't that great at insults.
“This is for the hurt you did my love,” Oliver said, jabbing his sword into Tess' side.
She fell to the ground and looked up at him.
“If only it were more.” She did an impressive death rattle and was still.
“This is for the death of my father,” Oliver said, turning to Lex and preparing to vanquish him too.
“Just kill him already,” said Emil.
Oliver moved his hand back in slow motion and brought it down with agonizing slowness so that it felt like even Lex would have had time to grow a full head of hair in the time it took for him to get stabbed. But in the spirit of cooperation and solidarity Lex took his time about falling to the ground and thrashing around a bit.
From that vantage point he could just rest and listen to the rest of the play where Friar Tuck married Robin and Marian to the accompanying inappropriate comments from Zatanna and they all lived happily ever after.
The entire cast lined up for the curtain call and their peanut gallery audience gave them a standing ovation with cheers and whistling. Lex looked down the line of his fellow performers. Everyone was smiling and had sweaty, makeup-smeared faces.
Lex stepped forward. Oliver had asked him to say a few words because he was technically the host of the evening.
“Thank you all for coming and behaving so well. I'm floored by your manners and have never seen such lady and gentleman-like behavior. We're honored that you chose to see our production of Robin Hood. I'd just like to take this time to say thank you to Oliver Queen for his resounding performance and for financing everything. A round of applause for Oliver, please.”
There was a big round of applause and Oliver took a bow and stepped forward.
“We'd also like to thank Lex for housing tonight's performance and footing at least half of the bill.”
Lex grimaced slightly but shook Oliver's hand, squeezing it as tightly as he could and bowing while he received his own applause. He straightened up and continued speaking.
“Now, we'd just like to acknowledge our director without whom we'd have been lost. Victor Stone, please step forward.”
Victor stepped forward hesitantly and Lex repressed his grin. He and Oliver had been planning this ever since Victor had been voted in permanently as director.
Chloe and Clark carried out the biggest bouquet of flowers they'd been able to find and presented it to Victor who, with all his strength, still staggered under the weight of it.
“With all our love and gratitude,” Oliver said, grinning.
Lex could have almost sworn he saw a small tear glistening in the eye of the half-human, half-robot man he’d helped to create.
“Thanks,” was all Victor said.
Lex, Oliver, Clark, Chloe and Victor were still standing at the front when there was a yell from behind them and they were hit with a massive group hug from the rest of the team. Even Tess. At that moment, any sense of propriety didn't matter anymore and Lex let himself be hugged and then begged off, considering how hot and sweaty he already was.
“We're all going to change,” he shouted over the noise to their guests. “Please avail yourself of the refreshments provided and we'll join you shortly. Thank you.”
Oliver nudged him as they walked back to the dressing rooms together.
“Best night of your life?”
“No.”
“Second best?”
“No.”
“Third best?”
“No.”
“Fourth best?”
“Maybe.”
“At least fifth best?”
Lex turned and smiled at his insane friend.
“Definitely.”
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Chloe/Oliver, Clark/Lois, Lex/Lana
Summary: Oliver, Clark and Lex cook up an idea for the whole team to participate in. If only things would go right for once.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville. The title is from a Deep Space Nine Episode.
Part One: The Proposal
Part Two: The Planning
Part Three: The Production
Clark was feeling nervous. Despite all his many powers, he usually was for one reason or another. Whether it was the first day of high school, coming to work at the Daily Planet, telling someone he loved his secret, or putting on a play, he was always nervous. Plus, the costume he was wearing was incredibly uncomfortable. Despite the constant teasing from his friends and teammates, his own Superman outfit was a hundred times easier to wear than this tunic/tights ensemble. He spared a brief thought wishing that Excelsior had thought to put on a different play and not encouraged Oliver's Robin Hood obsession, but upon further reflection, he guessed it was a very good thing that Oliver had been inspired in that direction or there was a very good chance all of them would have been dead at one point or another. All of these thoughts were simply a way to avoid actually walking out of the dressing rooms Lex had set up and he knew it, so he took a deep breath and headed out to the theater area.
“Little John he ain't,” Lois said upon seeing him and Clark flushed.
“Lois, not here,” he said, looking around quickly to see if anyone else had heard.
Dinah and AC were flashing him knowing grins and Clark grimaced. Superman he may be, but Clark Kent was quite susceptible to teasing.
“Stop getting all cute and red,” Lois said, “and come help me zip up this dress. I swear, it's a wonder women ever used to get out of bed in the morning. Oh, maybe it was because they had to cater to man's every whim.”
“You look beautiful,” he told her sincerely and she smiled just as sincerely back at him.
“Now go shoo,” she told him. “The softer side of Lois is not the side that needs to be on center stage at the moment.”
Clark nodded and headed for the other side of the stage, frantically mumbling lines under his breath, calming himself with the thought that at least there really wasn't anyone there to see him mess up. He peeked his head out of the curtains just to be sure and his heart nearly stopped.
There were chairs set up in front of the stage and his mother was sitting in the front row. Right next to her was Lana and Perry and Jimmy and Pete. Close by sat Emil, Courtney, Zatanna, Kara, Mera and J'onn.
Clark started sputtering and felt Chloe's hand on his arm.
“Calm yourself there, Clark. I don't think it'd be good for Little John to have a panic attack on opening night.”
“What are they doing here? No one was supposed to see. Chloe, I don't know any of my lines!”
“I'm sorry,” she said, “I should've told you before. I didn't want you to invent some disaster so you wouldn't have to come.”
“Chloe!” he practically wailed.
“I knew how much this meant to Ollie,” Chloe told him unapologetically, “and I wanted it to be something he could remember so I made a few calls. Just try to pull out that Superman charm and remember how good you actually are at wearing a disguise and playing a part. But do not mess this up for him!”
Clark gulped and nodded, not knowing if he felt better or worse.
Chloe's face softened and she smiled at him.
“You'll do great. Break a leg, use kryptonite if necessary.”
“Very funny,” he called after her.
She simply waved a hand backward in response and Clark went to go find Lex.
“Don't say anything, Clark, I know how you feel,” Lex said, adjusting his own costume. Clark figured that would probably be the theme of the night for everyone. The sizes weren't perfect either. “Chloe made the call without telling anyone. I'd rather not have anybody else witness this experience either, but it doesn't look like we're going to have a choice.”
“If you had simply shot him down...”
Lex stopped fiddling with his costume and looked him in the eye.
“Tell me honestly that this has been the worst experience of your life that didn't involve lives being in danger and defeating evil aliens.”
“I can't and you know it,” Clark said. “You're not playing fair.”
“When do I ever?” Lex replied calmly. “Clark, this is fun, so don't worry so much. Just do your part.”
“Okay, okay,” Clark said, trying to breathe normally, “I can do this.”
“You are the Traveler,” Lex said, smiling that one smile that Clark didn't actually like.
“And I trusted you,” he returned.
Then Lex did smile genuinely.
“And I trust you not to screw this up.”
Clark nodded and took his place.
A frantic looking Oliver came running through the wings.
“Places, places!”
Victor put a hand out and yanked him back.
“I'm the director, Queen. Five minutes, everyone. Places.”
Oliver shot him a look, but Clark didn't have time to worry about that now. He forced himself not to listen for distress calls and got to his mark.
The curtain went up.
***
If any reviews of the play had been put up, Lex was pretty sure they would have blistered the performance of every single person on the stage. On the other hand, the entire thing was a disaster for reasons other than bad acting. Wherever the costumes had come from or gone, something had gotten into them and everyone was extremely uncomfortable which made for interesting action sequences. The set still swayed somewhat dangerously from time to time making it difficult to concentrate on anything other than when one was supposed to dive for one's life. Bart's hyper-activity complex had kicked in, making him somewhat blurry around the edges at all times. Lois and Dinah were getting a little too much into their roles and improv-ing quite a few lines that weren't really appropriate to Ye Olde England times.
There was one major distress call in the second act that called for Clark's intervention and he'd reappeared within seconds of leaving stating that he needed AC's help. They'd put the play on hold for twenty minutes and then an additional ten when the two men had gotten back since their costumes had to be gotten back into. AC made his next scene debut with dripping wet hair, but that probably wasn't a shock to anyone who knew him.
But as it was, Lex had never had so much fun in his life and that included the first play. From the beginning their audience had shown them no mercy, making the entire thing look like an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Zatanna had started it, no surprise there, with a ridiculously loud stage whisper to Courtney about Oliver's tights. The difference between Mystery Science Theater and the Justice League's production of Robin Hood was that the Justice League could talk back. Both Chloe and Oliver had whipped their heads around so fast that it was surprising nothing had been damaged. Then Chloe had smiled a quiet little smile that Lex inherently distrusted and whispered something in Oliver's ear and laughed low in her throat in a fashion that was not appropriate for Maid Marian to have done.
“Challenge accepted,” Oliver had said and Lex knew, because he'd been stuck listening to the script for the last few weeks, that it wasn't just his next line.
They were currently in the final scene and Lex was feeling adrenaline charged. He and Tess were back to back facing the whole band of merry men and the catcalls from the audience were becoming louder.
“You shall trouble this land no longer,” Oliver cried impressively.
“Now if only you would stop troubling it we could all go home,” Pete called out.
“Now that I have saved this land,” Oliver said with a glare, “we shall wipe out all annoying troublemakers from the earth. And I know just where to start.”
“So do I,” Courtney said, half-heartedly Lex thought. The girl wasn't that great at insults.
“This is for the hurt you did my love,” Oliver said, jabbing his sword into Tess' side.
She fell to the ground and looked up at him.
“If only it were more.” She did an impressive death rattle and was still.
“This is for the death of my father,” Oliver said, turning to Lex and preparing to vanquish him too.
“Just kill him already,” said Emil.
Oliver moved his hand back in slow motion and brought it down with agonizing slowness so that it felt like even Lex would have had time to grow a full head of hair in the time it took for him to get stabbed. But in the spirit of cooperation and solidarity Lex took his time about falling to the ground and thrashing around a bit.
From that vantage point he could just rest and listen to the rest of the play where Friar Tuck married Robin and Marian to the accompanying inappropriate comments from Zatanna and they all lived happily ever after.
The entire cast lined up for the curtain call and their peanut gallery audience gave them a standing ovation with cheers and whistling. Lex looked down the line of his fellow performers. Everyone was smiling and had sweaty, makeup-smeared faces.
Lex stepped forward. Oliver had asked him to say a few words because he was technically the host of the evening.
“Thank you all for coming and behaving so well. I'm floored by your manners and have never seen such lady and gentleman-like behavior. We're honored that you chose to see our production of Robin Hood. I'd just like to take this time to say thank you to Oliver Queen for his resounding performance and for financing everything. A round of applause for Oliver, please.”
There was a big round of applause and Oliver took a bow and stepped forward.
“We'd also like to thank Lex for housing tonight's performance and footing at least half of the bill.”
Lex grimaced slightly but shook Oliver's hand, squeezing it as tightly as he could and bowing while he received his own applause. He straightened up and continued speaking.
“Now, we'd just like to acknowledge our director without whom we'd have been lost. Victor Stone, please step forward.”
Victor stepped forward hesitantly and Lex repressed his grin. He and Oliver had been planning this ever since Victor had been voted in permanently as director.
Chloe and Clark carried out the biggest bouquet of flowers they'd been able to find and presented it to Victor who, with all his strength, still staggered under the weight of it.
“With all our love and gratitude,” Oliver said, grinning.
Lex could have almost sworn he saw a small tear glistening in the eye of the half-human, half-robot man he’d helped to create.
“Thanks,” was all Victor said.
Lex, Oliver, Clark, Chloe and Victor were still standing at the front when there was a yell from behind them and they were hit with a massive group hug from the rest of the team. Even Tess. At that moment, any sense of propriety didn't matter anymore and Lex let himself be hugged and then begged off, considering how hot and sweaty he already was.
“We're all going to change,” he shouted over the noise to their guests. “Please avail yourself of the refreshments provided and we'll join you shortly. Thank you.”
Oliver nudged him as they walked back to the dressing rooms together.
“Best night of your life?”
“No.”
“Second best?”
“No.”
“Third best?”
“No.”
“Fourth best?”
“Maybe.”
“At least fifth best?”
Lex turned and smiled at his insane friend.
“Definitely.”
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no subject
Date: 2011-10-06 08:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-07 12:37 am (UTC)I'm so so glad!
Just a small epilogue left now. :)