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[personal profile] jesterladyfic
Title: Chuck Cunningham Syndrome
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Characters: The Ninth Doctor, Cordelia Chase, Logan Echolls
Fandom: Doctor Who, Angel, Veronica Mars Red Dwarf, Toy Story, Road to Avonlea, The Middleman, Step by Step, Family Matters, Roseanne, The West Wing, Star Trek: The Next Generation, All My Children, Happy Days with special appearances by X-Men, Pirates of the Caribbean, Are You Being Served and a great deal of the cast of Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World
Summary: The Doctor is just minding his own business when Cordelia Chase and Logan Echolls pop into the Tardis, now they're off on a tv trope adventure to find out what's disrupting reality. If only fictional characters would stop dropping by.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these fandoms, especially DW, ATS or VM. I owe a great deal to www.tvtropes.com and all of the chapter titles are a play on tropes found there. Written for the [livejournal.com profile] scifibigbang 2011.
A/N: Many thanks to my beta, [livejournal.com profile] exmanhater and to [livejournal.com profile] rainyrocket for her artwork.





Epilogue: Brought Back to Say You're Welcome


They didn't linger long on Marvello. The Doctor checked around the compound to make sure there were no leftover fictional bits and pieces lying around. Cordelia and Logan bound all the guards and secured them in the same room Logan had been kept in earlier. The Cinuian wasn't much help, seemingly rather petrified at recent events, but he stood stolidly by and let them get on with everything. Once the Doctor had finished searching, he went back to the machine and set about wiring it to destruct.

“A shame,” he said, “it's so beautiful. But it's dangerous and I can't let it stay
where it can be used. Anybody with a minute sense of time could find it and do something
stupid.”

So, he set the controls and took Logan, Cordelia and the Cinuian Minister back to the
Tardis and then triggered the detonation. The blast was contained and wouldn't harm any of the
imprisoned Trikini.

“What say we take you home?” the Doctor asked the Cinuian, who simply nodded gravely,
as if unable to cope with his reality.

“What about the Trikini?” Cordelia asked indignantly. “They could die there. And they
should be brought to justice.”

“I'm calling in the Judoon,” the Doctor told her, flipping some switches. “They can
take care of the whole mess under the Shadow Proclamation. Nothing more for me to do.”

“You could give a statement to the press,” Logan said, grinning.

“Naw,” the Doctor said, grinning back. “Don't like talking to that lot. Never quote
me correctly.”

“It is a serious problem,” Logan agreed, sighing heavily.

They materialized on the Cinu of Malataxes and the Doctor solemnly ushered the Minister
back to his people and then came back to the Tardis.

“So, what's the universe look like, Doc?” Logan asked.

“Only two trouble spots I can see,” he said, gently smiling at them. “Gotta do
something about that.”

“We're ready, Doctor,” Cordelia said, taking his hand. “We're not afraid.”

“You are clever, you are,” he said, “but you don't know everything.”

“Well, the simplest solution to that is to tell us,” Logan told him. “You think we
can't take it?”

“I guess you could,” the Doctor said, shrugging and led the way to the kitchen.

They all sat down at the kitchen table and the Doctor told them about his life and the
fall of Gallifrey.

“I've traveled the stars for so many years,” he told them. “I've been an exile, a
wanderer, with friends and alone, lost and full of purpose. I've saved millions of lives and
multiple worlds and species. I've loved and lost and met more amazing people than you can
imagine. But in the end, because of what happened, I'll always be alone.”

“I'm sorry,” Cordelia said.

He shook his head.

“Now don't go there, Cordelia Chase. I'm fine and I don't need fictional sympathy.”

“And I don't need realistic bluffing,” she told him, eyebrow arched. He simply
sighed. He would miss her.

“Look,” he said, “I could've sent you home awhile ago, but I was selfish and didn't.
Things went a little bit wrong because of that.”

“I'm going to jot this down in my journal,” Logan said. “The Doctor admitted he was
wrong.”

“Pinch me,” Cordelia said and Logan obliged. “Ow!”

“You said-”

“Shut up, twerp.”

“Shame you're not really on the same show,” the Doctor said. “This all ends now,
though. No more fighting, flying or adventures.”

“We know that we won't remember anything,” Cordelia said. “We watched our shows; we
know how we end.”

“The thing is,” the Doctor said, grinning at them, “that there's a whole planetful of
people who love you. Even some alien worlds love you. And they won't ever let you die.
You'll live on in a fandom world forever and ever. You just won't know me or anything that
happened here.”

“That's not fair,” Logan said. “I was going to watch so many shows.”

Cordelia jabbed him with her elbow.

“That's not the point, moron.”

“A little levity never hurt anyone, my sweet,” he said.

“But I have to put you back,” the Doctor said. “The Tardis is holding onto the two
holes you made, but she can't do it forever. And unless you go back, Cordelia, a lot of things
won't be able to happen.”

“Actually, we never got to that part,” Cordelia said, intrigued.

“There's nothing for me, Doc,” Logan said. “And I don't get the girl.”

“That's what you think,” the Doctor said, winking at him.

“I love her,” Logan said quietly. “I want to be with her any way I can, no matter what
it may cost me.”

“Good boy,” the Doctor told him.

“And I've people waiting on me,” Cordelia said. “They're in so much pain, fictional or
otherwise, and I've got to help them. I owe that to them.”

“So, we'd love to stay, Doctor...” Logan began.

“But we can't,” Cordelia said, shrugging. “You'll just have to bite the bullet and let
us have our own way.”

The Doctor shook his head at the temerity of his companions.

“You win,” he said, exaggerating his words. “I guess I'll just have to learn my lesson
and stop manipulating reality to get some company.”

“At least they're not imaginary,” Logan said.

“There is that. Now, get on with you so I can get my privacy back.”

“Don't be alone, Doctor,” Cordelia begged him. “You have a lot of work cut out for you
and you shouldn't do it by yourself. If you find someone, like you used to have or like us,
take the chance. Take it more than once.”

“I'll consider your words,” he promised her.

“Doctor,” Cordelia asked, after a moment, “why don't I have the ability to get visions
here?”

“You've got the ability,” the Doctor said, “just not the signal. The Powers That Be
can't get through to you here. A nice little vacation, huh?”

“Comas aren't restful enough,” she said, and winked at him.

They all got up and went back to the console room where the Doctor pushed in the
coordinates.

Logan hugged him goodbye and the Doctor let him. Cordelia's hug was longer and more
forceful.

“Oh,” she said as she pulled away, “and you're welcome.”

“I'd remember that line if I were you,” the Doctor said, pushing the button on the
console. They glowed gently and then faded away, their presence nothing more than a memory.
The Doctor stood still a moment, hoping they'd find use for his final gift. A sense of will.
They might not remember him and they might not be technically real, but they'd have some inner
sense of what was right and wrong for their characters from that point on, even if through
fanfiction, and Logan would suddenly find himself compelled to watch a few things he hadn't
before.

The room felt suddenly empty and maybe he could use another nap. He was getting old, wasn't he, to need so much rest? Not that it showed, no, indeed.

The Tardis suddenly dinged, a sign that she was receiving a signal. He moved to the scanner and read what it said. Coming from Earth?

“Fantastic!”
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