LOTS Oneshot: Spoken Into Us
Nov. 21st, 2010 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jesterladyficTitle: Spoken into Us
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG
Pairing: Almost Richard/Cara
Summary: Richard's thoughts through the last part of Hungry, what happened by the shadow water and their conversation after. Some more resolution to the episode. At least for me!
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTS. Some lines are from the show. The title is by Eugene Peterson
Spoken Into Us
One minute he had been happily perusing a map, sure of himself and his quest, the people he loved around him, trying to help save thousands of people from the Keeper. The next a scream ripped through the night air and part of his world crumbled to ash.
If anyone ever asked what he thought of Cara, he knew what he would say. He’d said it many times, to Zedd, to Kahlan, to anyone who looked askance at the woman in red leather traveling at his side. She’d saved his life many times, she’d proven herself to him, and he believed people could change. What he didn’t say was that for a time she had been the one source of reality in a mixed up life. Those weeks traveling with her in the future had changed him in ways he couldn’t explain to anyone who hadn’t lived it as well.
He also didn’t say that she reminded him of Mord’Sith, of Denna, of that time when he’d been captured and that he wanted to remember that. He always wanted to be reminded of how bad things could be, how far he himself had fallen and how anyone could be capable of monstrous things. He still felt pangs when he thought of Denna’s death and it always astonished him that, even without ever having tried to train him, Cara evoked stronger feelings still.
What he didn’t say was that she represented normalcy to him, the possibility of things that could be. That one day he too could escape the shackles of an old life that haunted him. He would never call her normal, but he called what she was doing now normal compared to what she had been before. And sometimes he wanted that. Sometimes it was too hard being the Seeker, being unable to truly be with Kahlan, being away from the land he’d grown up in. He knew Cara felt the same way, even if she wouldn’t admit it. She felt the blood on her hands and the burden of her need to help him, but she still pressed on and it gave him the courage to do so as well.
He didn’t say that she excited him in ways he’d never felt before. He never thought that his devotion to Kahlan was in any danger, but Cara’s companionship was something new. She lived on the edge of their group, on the edge of life itself. She was hardened and yet sometimes it felt like she was seeing everything for the first time, with the innocence of a child. He loved teaching her to hunt and track and enjoyed it when she mastered everything, taunting him that she was better now than he. He liked watching her and Kahlan talk together, or rather, watching Kahlan talk to Cara while the latter grunted her replies. He loved it when Zedd ribbed the Mord’Sith and Cara scornfully replied, her wit biting through the air. He loved the growth he could see in her.
And he loved it when she spoke with him, when she protected his back in battle, when she glared at him over another of her failed cooking endeavors. He couldn’t wait to get her advice on routing an enemy or ask her help in pulling a prank on Zedd. He appreciated the small gestures of deference she gave to him, like making sure he had the smoothest patch of ground to lie on, or the way she tilted her head in acquiescence whenever they had a fight or the way she said his name. It wasn’t that he wanted to be Lord Rahl in her eyes, but she made him feel like the most important person in the world and there were times on his quest that he needed that bolstering.
What he wouldn’t say later was how his heart fell in his chest when he knelt down and saw the wounds on her face. Inside his head started to scream no, no, no, no, no. He would not lose anyone else, he would not lose her.
“Cara...” his voice was low, gentle “...when?”
“Three days ago. I’ve already killed twice.”
He hated that she wouldn’t look at him fully. And he loved how she straightforwardly went right to the practical matter at hand. She’d killed. He could hear Zedd and Kahlan talking, but he only paid attention to Cara’s face. That is until she said she’d asked for this. He stared, not comprehending. She stood up at Kahlan’s question, defensive and vulnerable.
“I had to get back…to tell you where the kidnappers had taken the captives.” It was true, but he could tell there was more. And then she looked at him and his heart broke at her tears. “And I had to protect you. You, Richard.” Her heart was in her eyes and he’d never imagined she had such depth and openness even when he was her only supporter. He wanted to weep that he was the cause of her pain. “But I’m no use to you like this. I almost killed Thaddicus.”
His brain finally started working again and he stepped forward.
“I was looking at the map. There’s a faster way to the source, a canyon pass. We’ll get you the shadow water.”
He’d never meant anything more in his life, even as her head shook a denial.
“Even if it was only a thousand paces, I won’t make it!” She backed away. “Please, go. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
She was simply Cara there, no Mord’Sith pride, no, that was all her own. And he knew that she really meant she didn’t want him to see. He looked frantically at Kahlan; he didn’t know what to do. Kahlan jumped to action and Zedd did his best to be gentle, but there was nothing either of them could do.
Richard stood helpless; the Seeker unable to save his friend, and it was Thaddicus who saved them all. Even as he raced to the old man’s side, Richard’s heart betrayed him when it said he was glad it wasn’t Cara.
Cara still had to be saved and now Thaddicus, but there was slightly more time now. This was something he could do.
They ran: the two of them. And they were fierce in their desperation. Under normal circumstances it would have been glorious. The two of them often raced each other, the one gloating over the other in victory. They were faster than Kahlan and Zedd, more enduring and more reckless. But now they were racing for things far more important than which watch they would stand that night.
When they got to the source, there was no time because the underworld was tearing up under it. Richard flung himself in desperation down the hill, heedless. He didn’t mind that maybe Cara should go first or that they could kill themselves or literally fall into the Keeper’s hands. He just needed to save her. He fell and reached and strained with all his might and just stained his fingers with shadow water.
“I’ve got some.”
He gave her his fingers and she sucked at the liquid on them and he didn’t have time to relish the moment even if he had wanted to. He thrust his hand back into the water and got more, this time feeling each pull of her lips and glide of her tongue. He leaned back, staring, not wanting to hope. She looked at him and almost smiled; his hope on her face. He drew the two of them up and they were silent for a second.
“It worked?”
She nodded, shame and joy warring on her face. He grabbed her chin and dragged it up so she looked at him.
“Never be sorry that you’re alive, Cara.” He hesitated only for a second before he crushed her to himself and his lips met hers for one brief joyous moment. “Now we run.”
The trip back was shorter, but more anxious and yet his heart was glad. Cara revived Thaddicus and the entire situation was a win-win, unless all the other desperate Banelings roaming the land were to be thought of. And he did think of them.
Cara distanced herself from all of them the entire way back and Richard was oddly thankful because he needed to sort through all his own feelings on the matter. He had no doubt in his heart about his love for Kahlan, but he could no longer deny just how much he’d grown to care for Cara. She almost reluctantly thanked him and Kahlan and she couldn’t even say why. He knew why she was reluctant but he wouldn’t let her wallow in guilt.
“It wasn’t just Thaddicus we wanted to save.”
And there was never a truer word spoken. All three of them had wanted her saved and he hoped she truly understood that. Kahlan’s words corroborated his and he never was so thankful for her before. And what she said reminded him of how grateful he was. He was incredibly fortunate to have both of them at his side and in his heart.
That night, Cara was on second watch and when Zedd had retired to his bedroll, gnawing a piece of leftover chicken and his snores filled the nighttime air, Richard silently sat down beside the newly alive Mord’Sith.
“You should get your rest,” she said flatly. “We have to get back to finding the Stone now.”
“I’ll be fine,” he said. “I have the night off.”
“You’re wasting it.”
“Time with you is never a waste.”
“Don’t try to flatter me.”
“I’m not. I wouldn’t dare. I’m just saying, Cara, that I think you preferred it before when Kahlan and Zedd slept with knives under their pillows.”
“I do not,” she said sharply, finally swiveling to look at him.
“Oh come on,” he said, smiling. “It gave you the right to be taciturn and menacing. You didn’t have to care because they didn’t.”
“It is no concern of mine what they care about,” she said.
“It’s all your concern,” he said. “That’s why you didn’t tell any of us what happened.”
“You would have wanted me to die,” she retorted. “And I had to protect you.”
“And why can’t we protect you?” he asked. “You’re a part of our group now, whether you like it or not. All of us care what happens to you and we would’ve tried with all our might to help you.”
“I’m a valuable asset,” she said, almost bitterly. “I know my worth.”
“No, I don’t think you do,” he said, touching her chin for the second time that day. “Or you’d know that we love you.”
“Don’t say things like that,” Cara said quickly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Come on, Cara. Doesn’t it make you feel all warm inside knowing that Kahlan forgave you and that Zedd thinks of you like a daughter?”
“They might not distrust me now,” she said. “But caring-“
“They care and you know it.”
“Richard,” she said and stopped in frustration.
He could tell how deeply this was hitting her, especially since she’d used his name.
“They’ve come to care for you,” he said gently.
“And you?” she asked, almost nervously.
He didn’t hesitate.
“I’ve always cared.”
She looked at him sideways and he thought there might be tears on her cheeks. This entire experience must be bringing up awful things from her past, tearing apart her carefully built walls.
“Then you’re foolish and possibly a pig,” she said strongly after a moment.
He grinned.
“I’m not betraying Kahlan,” he said. “Don’t think you have to defend her honor.”
“It is Lord Rahl’s honor that I defend,” she answered.
“I’m Richard Cypher,” he said, “and I want my friend to know how much I love her and care about her. She was right when she wanted to come back and protect me. I need her more than I ever thought possible.”
Cara looked at him again.
“And the kiss?” she asked coolly.
“I’m sorry about that. I was a little overjoyed at the moment. But I’m not very sorry.”
The corners of her lips turned up.
“It was nice,” she said dryly, turning to him. “But I’m sure you could do better.”
“I know I can,” he said. “But, unfortunately, I can’t test that boast out on you.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “And I would never ask you to.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“You’re a real push over, Seeker,” she said, almost playfully.
He put his arms around her and she stiffened.
“None of that now,” he said. “I’ve seen your heart, Cara. Your strong, unyielding, loyal, warm heart. Let me be your friend.”
It took several long moments, but he was determined and patient and at last she gave in and briefly returned his embrace. Richard smiled inwardly as he bid her goodnight and returned to his bedroll. Now he could sleep in peace having settled his conscience and perhaps Cara would rest easier when she went to her sleep, knowing she had the trust and love of all her companions. Never mind that she especially had his.
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG
Pairing: Almost Richard/Cara
Summary: Richard's thoughts through the last part of Hungry, what happened by the shadow water and their conversation after. Some more resolution to the episode. At least for me!
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTS. Some lines are from the show. The title is by Eugene Peterson
Spoken Into Us
One minute he had been happily perusing a map, sure of himself and his quest, the people he loved around him, trying to help save thousands of people from the Keeper. The next a scream ripped through the night air and part of his world crumbled to ash.
If anyone ever asked what he thought of Cara, he knew what he would say. He’d said it many times, to Zedd, to Kahlan, to anyone who looked askance at the woman in red leather traveling at his side. She’d saved his life many times, she’d proven herself to him, and he believed people could change. What he didn’t say was that for a time she had been the one source of reality in a mixed up life. Those weeks traveling with her in the future had changed him in ways he couldn’t explain to anyone who hadn’t lived it as well.
He also didn’t say that she reminded him of Mord’Sith, of Denna, of that time when he’d been captured and that he wanted to remember that. He always wanted to be reminded of how bad things could be, how far he himself had fallen and how anyone could be capable of monstrous things. He still felt pangs when he thought of Denna’s death and it always astonished him that, even without ever having tried to train him, Cara evoked stronger feelings still.
What he didn’t say was that she represented normalcy to him, the possibility of things that could be. That one day he too could escape the shackles of an old life that haunted him. He would never call her normal, but he called what she was doing now normal compared to what she had been before. And sometimes he wanted that. Sometimes it was too hard being the Seeker, being unable to truly be with Kahlan, being away from the land he’d grown up in. He knew Cara felt the same way, even if she wouldn’t admit it. She felt the blood on her hands and the burden of her need to help him, but she still pressed on and it gave him the courage to do so as well.
He didn’t say that she excited him in ways he’d never felt before. He never thought that his devotion to Kahlan was in any danger, but Cara’s companionship was something new. She lived on the edge of their group, on the edge of life itself. She was hardened and yet sometimes it felt like she was seeing everything for the first time, with the innocence of a child. He loved teaching her to hunt and track and enjoyed it when she mastered everything, taunting him that she was better now than he. He liked watching her and Kahlan talk together, or rather, watching Kahlan talk to Cara while the latter grunted her replies. He loved it when Zedd ribbed the Mord’Sith and Cara scornfully replied, her wit biting through the air. He loved the growth he could see in her.
And he loved it when she spoke with him, when she protected his back in battle, when she glared at him over another of her failed cooking endeavors. He couldn’t wait to get her advice on routing an enemy or ask her help in pulling a prank on Zedd. He appreciated the small gestures of deference she gave to him, like making sure he had the smoothest patch of ground to lie on, or the way she tilted her head in acquiescence whenever they had a fight or the way she said his name. It wasn’t that he wanted to be Lord Rahl in her eyes, but she made him feel like the most important person in the world and there were times on his quest that he needed that bolstering.
What he wouldn’t say later was how his heart fell in his chest when he knelt down and saw the wounds on her face. Inside his head started to scream no, no, no, no, no. He would not lose anyone else, he would not lose her.
“Cara...” his voice was low, gentle “...when?”
“Three days ago. I’ve already killed twice.”
He hated that she wouldn’t look at him fully. And he loved how she straightforwardly went right to the practical matter at hand. She’d killed. He could hear Zedd and Kahlan talking, but he only paid attention to Cara’s face. That is until she said she’d asked for this. He stared, not comprehending. She stood up at Kahlan’s question, defensive and vulnerable.
“I had to get back…to tell you where the kidnappers had taken the captives.” It was true, but he could tell there was more. And then she looked at him and his heart broke at her tears. “And I had to protect you. You, Richard.” Her heart was in her eyes and he’d never imagined she had such depth and openness even when he was her only supporter. He wanted to weep that he was the cause of her pain. “But I’m no use to you like this. I almost killed Thaddicus.”
His brain finally started working again and he stepped forward.
“I was looking at the map. There’s a faster way to the source, a canyon pass. We’ll get you the shadow water.”
He’d never meant anything more in his life, even as her head shook a denial.
“Even if it was only a thousand paces, I won’t make it!” She backed away. “Please, go. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
She was simply Cara there, no Mord’Sith pride, no, that was all her own. And he knew that she really meant she didn’t want him to see. He looked frantically at Kahlan; he didn’t know what to do. Kahlan jumped to action and Zedd did his best to be gentle, but there was nothing either of them could do.
Richard stood helpless; the Seeker unable to save his friend, and it was Thaddicus who saved them all. Even as he raced to the old man’s side, Richard’s heart betrayed him when it said he was glad it wasn’t Cara.
Cara still had to be saved and now Thaddicus, but there was slightly more time now. This was something he could do.
They ran: the two of them. And they were fierce in their desperation. Under normal circumstances it would have been glorious. The two of them often raced each other, the one gloating over the other in victory. They were faster than Kahlan and Zedd, more enduring and more reckless. But now they were racing for things far more important than which watch they would stand that night.
When they got to the source, there was no time because the underworld was tearing up under it. Richard flung himself in desperation down the hill, heedless. He didn’t mind that maybe Cara should go first or that they could kill themselves or literally fall into the Keeper’s hands. He just needed to save her. He fell and reached and strained with all his might and just stained his fingers with shadow water.
“I’ve got some.”
He gave her his fingers and she sucked at the liquid on them and he didn’t have time to relish the moment even if he had wanted to. He thrust his hand back into the water and got more, this time feeling each pull of her lips and glide of her tongue. He leaned back, staring, not wanting to hope. She looked at him and almost smiled; his hope on her face. He drew the two of them up and they were silent for a second.
“It worked?”
She nodded, shame and joy warring on her face. He grabbed her chin and dragged it up so she looked at him.
“Never be sorry that you’re alive, Cara.” He hesitated only for a second before he crushed her to himself and his lips met hers for one brief joyous moment. “Now we run.”
The trip back was shorter, but more anxious and yet his heart was glad. Cara revived Thaddicus and the entire situation was a win-win, unless all the other desperate Banelings roaming the land were to be thought of. And he did think of them.
Cara distanced herself from all of them the entire way back and Richard was oddly thankful because he needed to sort through all his own feelings on the matter. He had no doubt in his heart about his love for Kahlan, but he could no longer deny just how much he’d grown to care for Cara. She almost reluctantly thanked him and Kahlan and she couldn’t even say why. He knew why she was reluctant but he wouldn’t let her wallow in guilt.
“It wasn’t just Thaddicus we wanted to save.”
And there was never a truer word spoken. All three of them had wanted her saved and he hoped she truly understood that. Kahlan’s words corroborated his and he never was so thankful for her before. And what she said reminded him of how grateful he was. He was incredibly fortunate to have both of them at his side and in his heart.
That night, Cara was on second watch and when Zedd had retired to his bedroll, gnawing a piece of leftover chicken and his snores filled the nighttime air, Richard silently sat down beside the newly alive Mord’Sith.
“You should get your rest,” she said flatly. “We have to get back to finding the Stone now.”
“I’ll be fine,” he said. “I have the night off.”
“You’re wasting it.”
“Time with you is never a waste.”
“Don’t try to flatter me.”
“I’m not. I wouldn’t dare. I’m just saying, Cara, that I think you preferred it before when Kahlan and Zedd slept with knives under their pillows.”
“I do not,” she said sharply, finally swiveling to look at him.
“Oh come on,” he said, smiling. “It gave you the right to be taciturn and menacing. You didn’t have to care because they didn’t.”
“It is no concern of mine what they care about,” she said.
“It’s all your concern,” he said. “That’s why you didn’t tell any of us what happened.”
“You would have wanted me to die,” she retorted. “And I had to protect you.”
“And why can’t we protect you?” he asked. “You’re a part of our group now, whether you like it or not. All of us care what happens to you and we would’ve tried with all our might to help you.”
“I’m a valuable asset,” she said, almost bitterly. “I know my worth.”
“No, I don’t think you do,” he said, touching her chin for the second time that day. “Or you’d know that we love you.”
“Don’t say things like that,” Cara said quickly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Come on, Cara. Doesn’t it make you feel all warm inside knowing that Kahlan forgave you and that Zedd thinks of you like a daughter?”
“They might not distrust me now,” she said. “But caring-“
“They care and you know it.”
“Richard,” she said and stopped in frustration.
He could tell how deeply this was hitting her, especially since she’d used his name.
“They’ve come to care for you,” he said gently.
“And you?” she asked, almost nervously.
He didn’t hesitate.
“I’ve always cared.”
She looked at him sideways and he thought there might be tears on her cheeks. This entire experience must be bringing up awful things from her past, tearing apart her carefully built walls.
“Then you’re foolish and possibly a pig,” she said strongly after a moment.
He grinned.
“I’m not betraying Kahlan,” he said. “Don’t think you have to defend her honor.”
“It is Lord Rahl’s honor that I defend,” she answered.
“I’m Richard Cypher,” he said, “and I want my friend to know how much I love her and care about her. She was right when she wanted to come back and protect me. I need her more than I ever thought possible.”
Cara looked at him again.
“And the kiss?” she asked coolly.
“I’m sorry about that. I was a little overjoyed at the moment. But I’m not very sorry.”
The corners of her lips turned up.
“It was nice,” she said dryly, turning to him. “But I’m sure you could do better.”
“I know I can,” he said. “But, unfortunately, I can’t test that boast out on you.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “And I would never ask you to.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“You’re a real push over, Seeker,” she said, almost playfully.
He put his arms around her and she stiffened.
“None of that now,” he said. “I’ve seen your heart, Cara. Your strong, unyielding, loyal, warm heart. Let me be your friend.”
It took several long moments, but he was determined and patient and at last she gave in and briefly returned his embrace. Richard smiled inwardly as he bid her goodnight and returned to his bedroll. Now he could sleep in peace having settled his conscience and perhaps Cara would rest easier when she went to her sleep, knowing she had the trust and love of all her companions. Never mind that she especially had his.
