jesterladyfic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jesterladyfic) wrote2010-02-12 11:42 am
jesterladyfic) wrote2010-02-12 11:42 am
Entry tags:
Heroes Oneshot: Fellowship of the Broken
Title: Fellowship of the Broken
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG
Summary: Spoilers for 4x18 & 19. Sylar's thoughts after the events of the Wall and the end of Brave New World.
Disclaimer: I don't own Heroes. The title is by Henri Nouwen
Fellowship of the Broken
A breakthrough. Maybe that’s what a shrink would call it. But he was so far past a shrink that it didn’t matter. It was a literal breakthrough in the end. And he never forgot that it was because someone else could actually see a change in him. It had only taken years of solitude and years of one person who was thoroughly good. It had only taken one person whom he’d wronged to forgive him.
And he was out and the old power was there. Everything was ticking and working and he could see chinks and cogs and people just like he always could. It was disorienting and the most confusing part was that the only thing he could feel was a desire to escape back into a nightmare that was the only comfort he’d known since he’d become this monster.
It wasn’t the emptiness of the city or the safety, and it was only a little bit the society of his once enemy. It was the knowledge that now he had to face up to his crimes. To his murders, his sins, his wrong-ness. That was the hardest part. It would be so much easier to die. But he’d taken that ability away from himself. Now he had to pay.
But he wanted to. He wanted a chance. He wanted to be something different. He’d come so close before. With his mom, with Elle, with a future that Peter had told him about in the long nights when they sat with their backs against the wall that held them prisoner. All of that had been blown away, but now there was a new opportunity and he cared about that more than anything. Nothing was going to stop him.
And he did it. He became a hero. He felt the oddest sensation competing with his usual lust and hunger. It was joy, it was peace, it was what Peter had shown him. It was a feeling of solidarity. He saved the girl. He helped his friend. He had a friend to help.
And he tried to explain it to Peter, Peter who couldn’t quite look him in the eye out in this real, hard world. He didn’t blame the man, that dream was full of many things that were borne out of desperation and hatred and loneliness and despair. Better to forget. Better to build anew. Not a wall to enclose, but a foundation to stand forever.
Peter listened as he explained his newfound joy over not killing, over saving someone, over being a hero. Things which should be second nature, but which he was just discovering like a child. And Peter smiled, something that wasn’t normally given to him. He liked it. It meant that foundation was strong.
But then Claire changed the world. She made it a brave new world. He could appreciate her actions. She’d hidden as he had, in different ways. Now she was showing the light to the world. He wished her success and not just because he meant to be a shining beacon that serial killed no more. No, because he could truly feel for others now, with no thought of himself. It was a marvelous feeling. He watched her with a heightened anticipation and admiration. Peter was beside him, tense and not seeing the big picture. That was okay, they could learn it together.
It was a brave new world, but like most new things or even nightmares, it could turn out to be a wonderful gift. Who knew what the world would do? Who knew what he himself would do? He was a hero now, but his past was stained, literally marred with blood and his own soul was torn apart. Years alone with Peter had helped to mend the worst of the damage, but that would not be apparent to anyone else as demonstrated by Matt.
As soon as they could, they fled. They all instinctively kept together, as only people who share a common bond can. And then they stopped and Hiro and Ando got them to safety and everyone asked questions and shared comments and shouted frustrations and screamed their panic. Claire was unrepentant. Everyone else was scared. He remained quiet.
And then he was noticed. It was amazing how fast everyone got into position to fight. It would have made him feel pride before, but now there was only shame. Peter alone remained unchanged, standing by his side. And that was good. They all made threats, promised retribution, the usual comments. He said nothing because what could he say?
Peter spoke for him. He explained the nightmare that wasn’t a nightmare at all. He told about how the two of them had ended up there. He spoke of his own desolation and comfort.
“It doesn’t make sense. And for me it took five years for it to happen, so I’m not expecting less from any of you. But he has changed. And the world has too. We’re going to need his help. And I want his help.” Peter touched his shoulder and Sylar felt a surge of power go out from him and knew that Peter now had his abilities. One more link between them. “He’s my friend.”
A breakthrough to a brave new life.
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG
Summary: Spoilers for 4x18 & 19. Sylar's thoughts after the events of the Wall and the end of Brave New World.
Disclaimer: I don't own Heroes. The title is by Henri Nouwen
Fellowship of the Broken
A breakthrough. Maybe that’s what a shrink would call it. But he was so far past a shrink that it didn’t matter. It was a literal breakthrough in the end. And he never forgot that it was because someone else could actually see a change in him. It had only taken years of solitude and years of one person who was thoroughly good. It had only taken one person whom he’d wronged to forgive him.
And he was out and the old power was there. Everything was ticking and working and he could see chinks and cogs and people just like he always could. It was disorienting and the most confusing part was that the only thing he could feel was a desire to escape back into a nightmare that was the only comfort he’d known since he’d become this monster.
It wasn’t the emptiness of the city or the safety, and it was only a little bit the society of his once enemy. It was the knowledge that now he had to face up to his crimes. To his murders, his sins, his wrong-ness. That was the hardest part. It would be so much easier to die. But he’d taken that ability away from himself. Now he had to pay.
But he wanted to. He wanted a chance. He wanted to be something different. He’d come so close before. With his mom, with Elle, with a future that Peter had told him about in the long nights when they sat with their backs against the wall that held them prisoner. All of that had been blown away, but now there was a new opportunity and he cared about that more than anything. Nothing was going to stop him.
And he did it. He became a hero. He felt the oddest sensation competing with his usual lust and hunger. It was joy, it was peace, it was what Peter had shown him. It was a feeling of solidarity. He saved the girl. He helped his friend. He had a friend to help.
And he tried to explain it to Peter, Peter who couldn’t quite look him in the eye out in this real, hard world. He didn’t blame the man, that dream was full of many things that were borne out of desperation and hatred and loneliness and despair. Better to forget. Better to build anew. Not a wall to enclose, but a foundation to stand forever.
Peter listened as he explained his newfound joy over not killing, over saving someone, over being a hero. Things which should be second nature, but which he was just discovering like a child. And Peter smiled, something that wasn’t normally given to him. He liked it. It meant that foundation was strong.
But then Claire changed the world. She made it a brave new world. He could appreciate her actions. She’d hidden as he had, in different ways. Now she was showing the light to the world. He wished her success and not just because he meant to be a shining beacon that serial killed no more. No, because he could truly feel for others now, with no thought of himself. It was a marvelous feeling. He watched her with a heightened anticipation and admiration. Peter was beside him, tense and not seeing the big picture. That was okay, they could learn it together.
It was a brave new world, but like most new things or even nightmares, it could turn out to be a wonderful gift. Who knew what the world would do? Who knew what he himself would do? He was a hero now, but his past was stained, literally marred with blood and his own soul was torn apart. Years alone with Peter had helped to mend the worst of the damage, but that would not be apparent to anyone else as demonstrated by Matt.
As soon as they could, they fled. They all instinctively kept together, as only people who share a common bond can. And then they stopped and Hiro and Ando got them to safety and everyone asked questions and shared comments and shouted frustrations and screamed their panic. Claire was unrepentant. Everyone else was scared. He remained quiet.
And then he was noticed. It was amazing how fast everyone got into position to fight. It would have made him feel pride before, but now there was only shame. Peter alone remained unchanged, standing by his side. And that was good. They all made threats, promised retribution, the usual comments. He said nothing because what could he say?
Peter spoke for him. He explained the nightmare that wasn’t a nightmare at all. He told about how the two of them had ended up there. He spoke of his own desolation and comfort.
“It doesn’t make sense. And for me it took five years for it to happen, so I’m not expecting less from any of you. But he has changed. And the world has too. We’re going to need his help. And I want his help.” Peter touched his shoulder and Sylar felt a surge of power go out from him and knew that Peter now had his abilities. One more link between them. “He’s my friend.”
A breakthrough to a brave new life.