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jesterladyficTitle: Grace Fills Up Uneven Nature
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Willow/Oz, Xander/Anya, slight Spike/Buffy if you squint :)
Summary: A rewrite of BTVS S4, but this time, I'm really focusing on Willow/Oz.
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. Some lines are from the show. The title is by George Hebert. This chapter's title is actually mine!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven: Tainted By Restraint
“At it again, I see,” Giles said, coming down the stairs, blinking heavily.
It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up and find young people using his home. He still wasn’t sure how they got
inside so easily; he really should look to his home’s defenses.
“I didn’t wake you?”
“No, no. I slept very soundly. But good for you. This obviously means a lot to you.”
“Well, not to be obvious or anything.”
“Quite, well, let me just wake up a little and we’ll get cracking.”
Oz nodded and went back to his practicing. Giles reflected that he spent quite a bit more time training Oz than Buffy
these days. She seemed much more bent on searching for Adam than preparing to beat him.
***
Oz stretched and concentrated. He’d always found it easy to maintain a cool exterior, but lately, he’d been feeling a lot more calm on the interior. He was very happy about that. It meant the meditation was working, he wouldn’t be a monster forever, and he could be with the woman he loved. Theoretically.
“Oz, I’ve prepared something I think might be difficult for you. Willow agreed to this earlier and we’ve made all
the preparations. I have a tranq gun here and we’ll be very careful, but I’d like to test your ability to control the
change.”
“Right, nothing hard then.”
“Right. What I’d like for you to do is concentrate on control while I show you some pictures of Willow in various
dangerous situations.”
Oz shuddered at the idea, but agreed. He took some calming breaths and they began. Willow sprawled at the
bottom of the stairs, Willow covered in blood, Willow being drunk from, Willow tied up, Willow being chased.
It was pretend, it was obvious it was pretend, but he could feel a snarl rising in his throat. It wasn’t real, he told
himself, but he didn’t want to think about Willow being in even pretend dangerous situations. He felt the change start to come, but he fought back, focusing on Giles, on his studies, on the chants. Gradually, the red began to fade and he felt more like himself. Then he was himself and found Giles was congratulating him.
“Excellent. Very well done. You’ve made real progress.”
“I didn’t change.” Saying it out loud was marvelous.
“No, you stopped it.”
“So, I can just do that now.”
“Well, yes, but I must warn you, Oz, this was a trial run. It was faked stimuli and we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”
“Yeah, sure.” Oz wasn’t really listening. He just wanted to go tell Willow.
“Fine, go tell her. We’ll work more later.”
So Oz left and Giles got his apartment back.
Oz was almost back to the campus when he smelt blood. Her blood. He froze and began to trace it, trying to
keep the rising panic down. There, right on the campus edge, Willow was alone with a demon - Buffy was nowhere
around. He had no weapons. Willow cried out in pain, though it was obvious she was working up a spell. But he
didn’t see that. He could see nothing but red. The last thing he heard was Willow screaming his name before a bolt
of pain shot through his back.
***
Willow burst into Buffy’s classroom, then stopped, remembering things like secrecy.
“Buffy Summers, there’s been an emergency and you’re needed at the office,” she said loudly.
“Buffy, you’re excused to go,” the teacher said.
Buffy had already gathered her things and was at the door.
“What is it? My mom?”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s Oz. I was being attacked and he changed again and there was a squad of Initiative guys.
Buffy, they took him.”
“Okay, Will, calm down. Did you tell Giles?”
“No, I came to find you.”
“All right, go to him. I’m going to find Riley and make him help us get in there. Call Xander.”
Willow nodded, feeling a certain sense of relief, even amid her panic. She went to do as instructed.
***
Oz woke to pain. And he wished he hadn’t. There was an incredible sense of relief to find himself as a human again. But something had changed. It was like a switch had gone off. He could feel the wolf, just hiding inside, waiting for the right moment. And he wasn’t even sure if he should let it or if he could stop it. Then the pain decided for him.
***
“Spike! Spike!” Giles stood in the graveyard and shouted for all he was worth.
Who knew what he would attract, but he needed to reach the peroxided pest.
“Don’t strain yourself,” came an amused voice from behind him.
The shadows were starting to fall on the graveyard and Spike could come out further than he had last time.
Giles glared at him.
“Right, time to help again.”
“Why?” Spike asked, taking a drag on his cigarette. Giles snatched it out of his hand and ground it out with his
heel. “Hey! I should bleed you.”
“Oh, shut up. If you were going to do that, you would have. You like the idea of being useful and you like a
better fighting challenge, so stop acting like you’re the evil overlord and help us.”
“Xander fall down the well again?”
“No, Oz has been captured by the Initiative. Now is a prime time for you to get revenge on them by saving
someone they captured and possibly getting a little violence in.”
“Go on.”
“No go on. That’s it. Now get your pasty arse into the sewers and meet me at my apartment.”
Giles didn’t wait for a reply. Spike stared after him, non-plussed and seemingly more than a little intrigued.
***
“Riley would only tell me where the entrance was. Other than beating him senseless I didn’t know how else to get the information from him. I would, but I don’t think that’s going to work. Teutonic, stupid man.”
Buffy was frustrated. She hated being without a plan, but she didn’t have one and Willow was hanging in the
background with a worried expression and Xander was about to make an inappropriate quip. Giles was drawing a
diagram from what he could remember that Spike had told them.
“I’d try the back door,” Spike said from the open doorway.
Buffy whirled around, pulling out her stake.
“No, Buffy,” Giles said. “He can help us find Oz.”
“Or kill us all in our sleep.”
“You notice I’m not inviting him in.”
“Which is hardly called for,” Spike said. “If I'm going to help I should be treated as a…oh, no wait, that’s too
horrible, I’m not going to say it.”
“As if you could be a Scooby,” Xander hissed.
Willow took a tentative step forward.
“Spike, will you help us find Oz? Buffy won't stake you.”
“Very generous, Red. And I’m not doing this out of fear of the Great Pain in My Ass; I’m doing it for revenge,
plain and simple.”
“Right, well, that’s settled,” Giles said. “Let’s get a plan of attack going, shall we?”
***
A pair of sweats had been thrown at him by a white coated doctor and Oz had put them on gratefully. The last thing he wanted was to be out of control, experimented on and naked. He felt like a failure, which was laughable considering that’s what he was worried about in the middle of this circumstance. But while he had immense faith in Buffy and the Scoobies, the Initiative was something beyond their experience and now he knew firsthand why. And he felt like he would be there forever.
But then there were sounds of a fight and an unusual grin spread over his face. His emotions had been going
up and down these last few days, but despite it all, they – she - was trying to get to him. And if they got out of here
he was going to do his best to be positive about everything he did from then on. No more half cocked victories and
thinking he was okay. He would defeat this. For her and to make sure he would never be here again.
The last person he expected to see was Spike, but there he was, throwing scientists around and getting a key
card to the cell door.
“Happy to see me?” he asked.
“More to see her,” Oz answered, pointing to the redhead ducking under a taser blast.
Xander and Giles were helping her while Buffy fought off the soldiers, who were the more obvious threat.
“Lockdown is imminent,” said the soothing, yet very irritating, computer woman on the loudspeakers.
“We gotta move now,” Buffy gritted out.
Oz was limping, but moving as fast as possible. Xander and Willow supported him while Spike forged a path
and Buffy served as rear guard.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could close this place down while were here?” Xander asked.
“While I don’t like them, Adam is my problem right now,” said Buffy, flinging a soldier into the main group.
“Oi, don’t forget about me,” Spike called, laughing.
“Oh, but you’re one of us now,” she said in a sticky, sweet voice.
Spike stopped dead in his tracks and Oz bumped into him. When he glanced up into the vampire's face he was
amused to see that it looked like Spike was actually considering the idea and in actually agreeable terms. Buffy
urged them all on and they made good their escape.
They took Oz to his room and left him to pull himself together. Willow wouldn’t leave him and he found he had
mixed feelings about that. He felt a bit ashamed at himself.
“You’re just learning,” she said, as if reading his mind.
She winced at the bruises on his back as he pulled a shirt on. She was used to him being beat up in the mornings,
but this time it wasn’t from being a wolf and he hurried his actions, not wanting to give her anymore pain.
“I’m going to learn more. You know me, excellent tests, low applying. Not anymore.”
“I’ll do it with you. Remember what Jonathan said.”
“I will. But now it has to be a concrete thing. Something we never look back on.”
“Agreed.”
“Will, can you do that with me? Do you even want to?”
“How can you ask me that? Of course I do. Now stop being a martyr and let’s get you cleaned up.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled in response.
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Willow/Oz, Xander/Anya, slight Spike/Buffy if you squint :)
Summary: A rewrite of BTVS S4, but this time, I'm really focusing on Willow/Oz.
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. Some lines are from the show. The title is by George Hebert. This chapter's title is actually mine!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven: Tainted By Restraint
“At it again, I see,” Giles said, coming down the stairs, blinking heavily.
It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up and find young people using his home. He still wasn’t sure how they got
inside so easily; he really should look to his home’s defenses.
“I didn’t wake you?”
“No, no. I slept very soundly. But good for you. This obviously means a lot to you.”
“Well, not to be obvious or anything.”
“Quite, well, let me just wake up a little and we’ll get cracking.”
Oz nodded and went back to his practicing. Giles reflected that he spent quite a bit more time training Oz than Buffy
these days. She seemed much more bent on searching for Adam than preparing to beat him.
***
Oz stretched and concentrated. He’d always found it easy to maintain a cool exterior, but lately, he’d been feeling a lot more calm on the interior. He was very happy about that. It meant the meditation was working, he wouldn’t be a monster forever, and he could be with the woman he loved. Theoretically.
“Oz, I’ve prepared something I think might be difficult for you. Willow agreed to this earlier and we’ve made all
the preparations. I have a tranq gun here and we’ll be very careful, but I’d like to test your ability to control the
change.”
“Right, nothing hard then.”
“Right. What I’d like for you to do is concentrate on control while I show you some pictures of Willow in various
dangerous situations.”
Oz shuddered at the idea, but agreed. He took some calming breaths and they began. Willow sprawled at the
bottom of the stairs, Willow covered in blood, Willow being drunk from, Willow tied up, Willow being chased.
It was pretend, it was obvious it was pretend, but he could feel a snarl rising in his throat. It wasn’t real, he told
himself, but he didn’t want to think about Willow being in even pretend dangerous situations. He felt the change start to come, but he fought back, focusing on Giles, on his studies, on the chants. Gradually, the red began to fade and he felt more like himself. Then he was himself and found Giles was congratulating him.
“Excellent. Very well done. You’ve made real progress.”
“I didn’t change.” Saying it out loud was marvelous.
“No, you stopped it.”
“So, I can just do that now.”
“Well, yes, but I must warn you, Oz, this was a trial run. It was faked stimuli and we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”
“Yeah, sure.” Oz wasn’t really listening. He just wanted to go tell Willow.
“Fine, go tell her. We’ll work more later.”
So Oz left and Giles got his apartment back.
Oz was almost back to the campus when he smelt blood. Her blood. He froze and began to trace it, trying to
keep the rising panic down. There, right on the campus edge, Willow was alone with a demon - Buffy was nowhere
around. He had no weapons. Willow cried out in pain, though it was obvious she was working up a spell. But he
didn’t see that. He could see nothing but red. The last thing he heard was Willow screaming his name before a bolt
of pain shot through his back.
***
Willow burst into Buffy’s classroom, then stopped, remembering things like secrecy.
“Buffy Summers, there’s been an emergency and you’re needed at the office,” she said loudly.
“Buffy, you’re excused to go,” the teacher said.
Buffy had already gathered her things and was at the door.
“What is it? My mom?”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s Oz. I was being attacked and he changed again and there was a squad of Initiative guys.
Buffy, they took him.”
“Okay, Will, calm down. Did you tell Giles?”
“No, I came to find you.”
“All right, go to him. I’m going to find Riley and make him help us get in there. Call Xander.”
Willow nodded, feeling a certain sense of relief, even amid her panic. She went to do as instructed.
***
Oz woke to pain. And he wished he hadn’t. There was an incredible sense of relief to find himself as a human again. But something had changed. It was like a switch had gone off. He could feel the wolf, just hiding inside, waiting for the right moment. And he wasn’t even sure if he should let it or if he could stop it. Then the pain decided for him.
***
“Spike! Spike!” Giles stood in the graveyard and shouted for all he was worth.
Who knew what he would attract, but he needed to reach the peroxided pest.
“Don’t strain yourself,” came an amused voice from behind him.
The shadows were starting to fall on the graveyard and Spike could come out further than he had last time.
Giles glared at him.
“Right, time to help again.”
“Why?” Spike asked, taking a drag on his cigarette. Giles snatched it out of his hand and ground it out with his
heel. “Hey! I should bleed you.”
“Oh, shut up. If you were going to do that, you would have. You like the idea of being useful and you like a
better fighting challenge, so stop acting like you’re the evil overlord and help us.”
“Xander fall down the well again?”
“No, Oz has been captured by the Initiative. Now is a prime time for you to get revenge on them by saving
someone they captured and possibly getting a little violence in.”
“Go on.”
“No go on. That’s it. Now get your pasty arse into the sewers and meet me at my apartment.”
Giles didn’t wait for a reply. Spike stared after him, non-plussed and seemingly more than a little intrigued.
***
“Riley would only tell me where the entrance was. Other than beating him senseless I didn’t know how else to get the information from him. I would, but I don’t think that’s going to work. Teutonic, stupid man.”
Buffy was frustrated. She hated being without a plan, but she didn’t have one and Willow was hanging in the
background with a worried expression and Xander was about to make an inappropriate quip. Giles was drawing a
diagram from what he could remember that Spike had told them.
“I’d try the back door,” Spike said from the open doorway.
Buffy whirled around, pulling out her stake.
“No, Buffy,” Giles said. “He can help us find Oz.”
“Or kill us all in our sleep.”
“You notice I’m not inviting him in.”
“Which is hardly called for,” Spike said. “If I'm going to help I should be treated as a…oh, no wait, that’s too
horrible, I’m not going to say it.”
“As if you could be a Scooby,” Xander hissed.
Willow took a tentative step forward.
“Spike, will you help us find Oz? Buffy won't stake you.”
“Very generous, Red. And I’m not doing this out of fear of the Great Pain in My Ass; I’m doing it for revenge,
plain and simple.”
“Right, well, that’s settled,” Giles said. “Let’s get a plan of attack going, shall we?”
***
A pair of sweats had been thrown at him by a white coated doctor and Oz had put them on gratefully. The last thing he wanted was to be out of control, experimented on and naked. He felt like a failure, which was laughable considering that’s what he was worried about in the middle of this circumstance. But while he had immense faith in Buffy and the Scoobies, the Initiative was something beyond their experience and now he knew firsthand why. And he felt like he would be there forever.
But then there were sounds of a fight and an unusual grin spread over his face. His emotions had been going
up and down these last few days, but despite it all, they – she - was trying to get to him. And if they got out of here
he was going to do his best to be positive about everything he did from then on. No more half cocked victories and
thinking he was okay. He would defeat this. For her and to make sure he would never be here again.
The last person he expected to see was Spike, but there he was, throwing scientists around and getting a key
card to the cell door.
“Happy to see me?” he asked.
“More to see her,” Oz answered, pointing to the redhead ducking under a taser blast.
Xander and Giles were helping her while Buffy fought off the soldiers, who were the more obvious threat.
“Lockdown is imminent,” said the soothing, yet very irritating, computer woman on the loudspeakers.
“We gotta move now,” Buffy gritted out.
Oz was limping, but moving as fast as possible. Xander and Willow supported him while Spike forged a path
and Buffy served as rear guard.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could close this place down while were here?” Xander asked.
“While I don’t like them, Adam is my problem right now,” said Buffy, flinging a soldier into the main group.
“Oi, don’t forget about me,” Spike called, laughing.
“Oh, but you’re one of us now,” she said in a sticky, sweet voice.
Spike stopped dead in his tracks and Oz bumped into him. When he glanced up into the vampire's face he was
amused to see that it looked like Spike was actually considering the idea and in actually agreeable terms. Buffy
urged them all on and they made good their escape.
They took Oz to his room and left him to pull himself together. Willow wouldn’t leave him and he found he had
mixed feelings about that. He felt a bit ashamed at himself.
“You’re just learning,” she said, as if reading his mind.
She winced at the bruises on his back as he pulled a shirt on. She was used to him being beat up in the mornings,
but this time it wasn’t from being a wolf and he hurried his actions, not wanting to give her anymore pain.
“I’m going to learn more. You know me, excellent tests, low applying. Not anymore.”
“I’ll do it with you. Remember what Jonathan said.”
“I will. But now it has to be a concrete thing. Something we never look back on.”
“Agreed.”
“Will, can you do that with me? Do you even want to?”
“How can you ask me that? Of course I do. Now stop being a martyr and let’s get you cleaned up.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled in response.
