And Make a Lost World Thy Home: Chapter Four

[jesterladyfic]

Chapter Four

Buffy slipped back into the house with Spike at her back. The house was full of wannabe Slayers and her friends and she moved to the door of the basement, ducking down the stairs to the only place with any privacy, especially since Faith was ensconced in her room.

The weight of the amulet was heavy in her pocket and she closed her eyes once she was sitting down on the cot, wondering what exactly they were supposed to do.

“Penny for your thoughts, love,” said Spike, kneeling down in front of her.

“Lucy got to charge nickels for her advice, surely my thoughts have to be worth more than that,” she said, opening her exhausted eyes.

“Pay billions for the privilege,” he said, putting his hands on her thighs, before remembering the blood and making a face.

“Well, I’d pay a lot for yours,” she said. “Though I’d likely have to borrow the money to do it.”

“I’d have to steal it,” said Spike. “Nobody would loan me anything.”

“Except kittens,” she said, smiling at him.

“Shall I pay you a kitten?” His eyes gleamed slightly.

“If you like,” she said, and then sighed. “What are we going to do, Spike?”

“Whatever you want,” he said, some of the warmth leaving his face. “Slayer’s gotta make up her mind.”

“Don’t put this off on me,” she said. “I’ll thank you to remember I’m not your keeper. I put my trust in you when you got the chip out and became Spike the Fanged Big Bad again.”

“Only I didn’t,” he said. “Spike the Bloody Puppy is more like it.”

“You miss it, don’t you?” she said. “Ravaging the world, the blood of the innocent.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he said, his eyes far off. “It’s freedom, the hunt and the kill. You know it, Slayer, you know the call.”

The worst part was that she did, but she also felt a different call and she knew he did as well.

“But you chose me,” she said, pulling his face back to her. “You risked everything to be a better man, and you are. I believe in you, Spike, with or without a soul.”

“The only thing worth anything is you, pet,” he said, kissing her lightly.

“So this is your decision,” she said. “Angel said a Champion, and that’s you.”

She eased the amulet out of her pants and passed it to him. He took it, the look of wonder on his face something she never wanted to forget. She was telling him how much she trusted him to have her back and that it didn’t matter who he was, she chose him.

“I’ve been called a lot of things in my time…” he said, trailing off.

“What do you want?” she asked. “We don’t know what this thing does, but we do know what it will do to you.” She had to admit, there was a part of her that wondered if he would change, like Angel had, if having a soul was such a different thing for every vampire. Naturally, this time it would be a reversal. She’d fallen for the demon, not the man. What if she didn’t actually like the man?

“Got no desire for a soul,” he admitted. “I didn’t much like having the one I had.”

“Because you’ve always been bad?” she questioned.

He smiled and then looked a bit abashed.

“Well, not so much. Was a bit of a nancy boy actually.”

“I knew it,” she said, smiling widely. “I knew you were only boasting.”

“Hey now,” he said, grasping her shoulders and smiling wickedly at her. “I’ve had plenty of time to practice, yeah?”

“Agreed,” she said, letting him kiss her. After a few moments though, she knew they had to make a decision before she could fully form her battle plan. She couldn’t let herself focus on the personal for long. “So, what are you thinking?” she asked.

“Another kitten to me,” he said absently. “Buffy, I- you know it’s all about you. I gotta choose what will help you; hope you see in me what Dru saw.”

“She may have the sight,” said Buffy, always irrationally annoyed at mentions of Drusilla, “but I see you more clearly than anyone.” He inclined his head, waiting for more words. “I don’t know who you’ll be with a soul, but I’m willing to risk it if you are.”

“You deserve a soul,” said Spike. “William was a good man.”

“That’s not what I meant,” said Buffy.

“I know, pet,” said Spike. “I just mean, I can give you something, a man who’d never have to rein it in, never do anything to hurt you.”

“You don’t hurt me, Spike,” she said.

“Not for a while,” he said, lifting an eyebrow.

“And vice versa,” she said, pouting a little.

“Only when I beg,” he said, sliding behind her and wrapping his arms around her middle.

She turned to face him and slung her arms around his neck. The amulet slipped from his fingers onto the floor behind her.

“So, you’ll do it?” she asked, her mouth hovering next to his.

“I’ll be your Champion,” he said, sealing his words against her mouth.

***

He couldn’t describe his surroundings if he tried. Hell, he couldn’t describe himself if he tried. He wasn’t anything anymore. He’d been solid and whole and determined and light had filled his being. Then he was tearing apart under its weight and falling into nothing. Yet there was something else there, something pulling on him, something that gathered him to himself, whoever he was. The light was no longer there, but there was darkness and a searing pain inside of him. He’d been scattered and now was thrust back together, each bit of him colliding in sharp pricks.

He opened his eyes and he was there again, where he had been last. He felt it even though there was no light. He could not see, but he could feel and he knew that something was wrong because screams were coming from him and he was falling. He shied away from that pain, so confused about what was happening, letting his instincts slide over him, feeling a shift in his face.

Something cool and yet warm touched his hand and he grasped hold of it with everything he had. Someone was talking, saying something, but he could only barely lift his head, something inside him reacting without precedent. He knew there was no breath in him, but he desperately searched for air, for anything that would take away the painful sensations and confusion.

His face changed again and something appeared in his vision, a woman, kneeling, her hand holding his. She was beautiful and familiar, her entire body something that made him feel safe and happy. He stared at her, trying to remember. She was important.

His body calmed its raging need for peace as he looked at her and then the bits came flashing across his mind. He was hunched over paper, pen in hand, he was sinking to his knees in an alley, he was waltzing in a burning warehouse, he was dropping a body, licking the last drops of blood from his lips, he was driving a black car, he was in a wheelchair, he was in a white cell, he was running through a cemetery, he was wrapped around her body, he was falling from a tower, he was standing at the bottom of a staircase, he was in a hospital, he was striding through the sand, he was training with young girls, he was fighting in a cavern, he was burning up, he was burning up, he was burning up.

He knew her.

“B-Buffy?” he said, his voice rough.

“Spike, it’s okay,” she said, moving closer. “I’m here.”

“Did we win?” he asked.

She frowned and he wondered what was wrong.

“We did,” she said quietly. “You did it all.”

“Champion,” he said finally, not really knowing what he was saying.

“Yes,” she agreed. “Are you okay, are you injured?”

“No,” he said absently, wondering why it was so dark. “Got fried a bit from the light doohickey, but I’m all right, love.”

“Spike, I-” she stopped, as if unsure what to say. “Come on, we need to get you out of here.”

“Buffy, the sun,” came another familiar voice he couldn’t quite place.

She swore quietly and he chuckled at the sound.

“Let’s get to the entrance then,” she said.

“What’s going on?” he said.

“There’s a lot to explain,” she said, “but we need to get going first.”

“Always follow your lead,” he said, standing, his body wobbling.

She caught him when he tried to fall.

“Let me help,” said another voice, and a strong arm slipped around his other side.

“Scottie,” he said happily.

“Good to see you, man,” said Logan. “Can you walk?”

“Dunno,” said Spike and tried.

With faltering steps Buffy and Logan led him and he lost count of the steps they took. He couldn’t concentrate on anything; his brain was still whirling and trying to make sense. Something was off, but he didn’t know what it was yet.

“Is it really him?” he heard whispering from behind him.

Light began to grow up ahead as they climbed rough steps and Spike sagged against Buffy’s arms.

“Let him rest,” said Buffy.

Her warmth vanished from his side and then Logan eased him to the ground. Spike opened his eyes and spotted Veronica and Tara whispering with Buffy a little ahead of them.

“What’s wrong?” he asked Logan.

“I do not even know where to begin with that question,” Logan said, a half-easy, half-worried smile on his face.

“Who didn’t make it?” Spike asked, panic beginning to fill his head. “Where’s the Bit?”

“Dawn’s fine,” said Logan. “That’s not the problem, Spike, just…try and relax.”

Tara began muttering words and Spike felt something wash over him and he glared at her.

“What the bloody hell is going on? Glinda, what are you doing to me?”

“Spike, just calm down,” said Buffy, reappearing at his side.

“Slayer, what’s happening?” he asked. He squinted at her. “You’re-you’re different. You’re different.”

“Yes, I am,” she said, smiling sadly. “A lot different.”

“Where am I? Who are you?”

“Spike, I’m still me,” she said gently. “Tara tells me you’re still you. That just leaves about five years of time in between us.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked suspiciously.

“Spike…you died five years ago.”

***

Logan instinctively leaned back as Spike’s eyes widened and he shook his head in confusion.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Buffy’s eyes were tight and she took a deep breath before talking again.

“Spike, when you put the amulet on, you destroyed all of the Turok-Han, you collapsed the entire city. You closed the Hellmouth.”

“Sounds grand,” he said. “Where’s the bad in that?”

“That was five years ago,” Buffy said. “You didn’t make it out. But we…well, we thought we should come down here and check-”

“Five bloody years later!” he said, his voice rising.

“Spike, it’s not like that,” said Buffy, her eyes filling with tears.

“What is it like?” he growled.

Veronica moved over and Logan felt her warmth at his side as she knelt by Spike.

“I had a dream,” she said. “I had three dreams that what just happened happened. So I convinced everyone to come down here.”

“What?” asked Spike, clearly not comprehending her words.

“Something brought you back,” said Veronica, exchanging glances with Buffy. “It wanted us to know or how to do it, but you were dead, Spike.”

“I died,” he said, like it was the only thing that made sense. Logan figured that perhaps it was.

Veronica and Buffy nodded.

“It’s good to see you,” said Veronica with a strained smile. “Nice to know I’m not crazy either.”

“Mind like a steel trap there, Private Eye,” Spike said almost absently.

Veronica smiled and Logan couldn’t help but be glad to see it.

“Spike, the sun is out,” said Buffy. “We can’t take you above ground yet, but we’ll get you back to Neptune and then figure out what happened, all right?”

“Why five years?” he muttered and then banged his head back against the wall a few times.

“Spike, stop,” said Buffy, grabbing his shoulders and holding him in place.

“You’re not my keeper,” he said harshly, beginning to struggle with her.

“Spike, please,” said Buffy.

Tara moved out of the background and said a few words, placing her hands on Spike’s temples.

His eyes began to droop and he stopped struggling, slowly relaxing.

“Thank you,” said Buffy, then got up and walked away toward the darkness again.

They let her go and Logan found himself staring at Tara and Veronica.

“What’s going on?” Logan asked.

“That is Spike,” said Tara. “I’m sure of it.”

“Then what happened?” asked Veronica.

“He’s confused,” said Tara. “Coming back from the dead is a lot to adjust to. I wish we didn’t have to tell him like that.”

“Will he be okay?” asked Logan.

Tara shrugged.

“I think sleeping will make things be better. We have a few hours before we can get him out of here. We could all use some time to adjust. I don’t know what…he’ll be or do. Supposedly he got his soul back when he put on the amulet. There’s something different in his aura, but I can’t figure it out.”

Veronica put her hands on her head and sagged against Logan.

“You all right, my sweet?” he asked.

“You sure do ask a lot of questions,” said Veronica. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m just trying to take it all in, trying to understand why this happened.”

“When you figure it out, let me know,” Logan said.

“The first as always,” she said.

Tara looked off into the darkness where Buffy’s form could be seen standing rigidly.

“I hope she’ll be okay,” she said.

“Buffy’s the strongest person I know,” said Veronica.

“Literally,” joked Logan.

“Do you think we brought him back or was it the magic from before?” asked Veronica.

Tara frowned.

“Well, whatever Buffy did with the amulet was the catalyst, but something had to have enabled that. Whoever was casting magic in here did something, but I can’t tell who or what.”

They waited there in the dark, Spike sleeping, Buffy staying away from him.

Logan moved to the entrance of their little tunnel and reported back on the movements of the sun until Veronica told him to be quiet.

He didn’t blame her; he was only doing it to keep himself from going crazy. He felt incredibly uncomfortable. Even the joy of possibly having Spike back wasn’t enough to make him entirely happy with the events of the day. His skin had crawled when Spike had come out of the amulet like the proverbial genie from a bottle. Something had been set in motion by their coming here, and he just didn’t know what it was. The fact that it was using Veronica’s head just made everything worse.

Still, that was Spike there, Tara said it was, and Logan believed her. Hearing his own particular nickname from Spike’s lips was like flashing back five years and it was good to hear.

Before the sun set Buffy finally came back and stood beside Logan at the entrance.

“We should get ready to go,” she said. “I really want to get out of here.”

“You gonna go catatonic?” he asked, nudging her.

“Honestly, a girl does that one time,” said Buffy, returning his nudge.

He rocked on his heels and smiled.

“Just…let me know if you need anything,” he said.

“Logan, you literally pay for the roof over my head,” she said.

“People have more needs than physical ones, my dear,” he said.

“Imagine that,” said Buffy, and then squeezed his elbow. “Thank you. I just needed some time and likely will need more time and then more.”

“Time it is,” said Logan. “Speaking of,” he pointed his finger casually at the sky with a flourish.

“Tara, when will he wake up?” asked Buffy, moving back.

“I can wake him up any time,” said Tara, “but probably not for another hour or so on his own.”

“Then let’s get moving,” said Buffy. “I’d rather carry him then…” she trailed off.

“Let’s go,” Veronica said into the silence.

They gathered their things and moved out of the cover of the Hellmouth and into the crater of Sunnydale.

It was much harder than that morning even though they were going back over covered ground. It was darker, though the sun’s light could still be seen coming from over the lip of the crater walls. Add to that their exhaustion and the fact that Buffy had Spike slung over her shoulders, and it was not the best hike Logan had ever experienced.

They made it back to the walls in good time, however, and Buffy put Spike down, breathing a little heavily.

“I don’t know what they feed you in Amulet Land,” she said, “but it certainly doesn’t make you a light-weight.”

“Do you want me to wake him up?” asked Tara.

Buffy nodded.

“Yeah, I can’t carry him and climb at the same time - or not very well anyway.”

They all took a breather and then Tara did her magic.

Spike’s eyes opened rapidly and he shot to his feet.

“Spike, it’s okay,” said Buffy. “We’re ready to go home, but I need you to climb, do you think you can do that for me?”

Spike hesitated, his eyes darting around, and Logan wondered what he was afraid of.

“Sure, sure,” said Spike.

“Okay, Tara,” said Buffy, “you go first with the light. Veronica and Logan next, then Spike, I’ll go last.”

Before they could begin their climb, Buffy stiffened and pulled her stake out of her pocket. Spike cowered away from her and put his back to the cliff.

“Buff-” began Logan, and then stopped because he could see what Buffy had felt.

There were vampires surrounding them in the darkness.

“Weapons,” said Buffy calmly.

Logan stepped forward and handed her the sword she had given to him to carry, pulling out his stake with his other hand and putting his back to Veronica’s.

Tara stepped closer to Spike and was muttering words under her breath.

“Give us the vampire,” said one of the other vampires.

“Over my dead body,” said Buffy. “Again.”

“Just the way I like it,” said the vampire.

He vaulted forward and Buffy met his attack with ease. She slipped under his punch and spun down with her leg out, tripping him.

Logan didn’t have time to watch her anymore because vampires were coming at him and Veronica.

“Aren’t you glad we train?” asked Veronica, grunting as she punched a vampire away from her.

“Desperately glad at the moment,” said Logan, ducking under a leg and lurching upward to plant his stake in the vampire’s heart, absurdly pleased he had somehow gotten first dust that night.

Glancing to his right he saw that Tara had conjured several fireballs and was using them to immolate her opponents. Behind her, Spike was crouched along the wall, staring up with intense concentration and confusion.

“Why doesn’t he fight?” Logan asked.

“Maybe he doesn’t remember how,” said Veronica.

Logan began to wish he’d stayed home. He was already tired and never really a match for a nest of vampires on his best of days.

“Climb,” he heard Buffy calling as she beheaded a vampire with one hand and staked one with the other.

He had no time to be impressed because there were about ten more closing in on them.

Tara had turned and was already urging Spike up. Veronica took Spike’s hand and helped him while Tara vanished into the darkness. Logan covered her back until Spike was moving and then started to climb himself.

“Buffy,” he called.

“I’m right behind you,” she said, executing moves that would have made any other Slayer green with envy.

The vampires fell back for a moment, regrouping, and Buffy jumped onto a ledge just under where Logan was standing, staring down.

“Move,” she ordered him and he began to scramble upwards.

Behind him Buffy grasped her sword and thrust it into the rocks on either side of her, first one, then the other. Logan heard rumbling and then saw Buffy stick the sword into the wall and swing herself upward to land even higher than he was. Beneath them both, the rocks began to fall and hit the vampires beginning their own climb upward.

Buffy reached down her hand and pulled Logan up to stand beside her.

“You are good,” he said, staring down at what destruction he could make out from the weak light.

“We need to move now,” she said. “That won’t have gotten them all.”

He nodded and they began to climb. He was amazed at how quickly they caught up to the others, but it was because Spike wasn’t doing too well, often stopping and staring, in danger of falling unless someone was urging him on.

They climbed until Logan’s lungs burned and he began to wish for their journey of the morning. The path was clear, more like a steep hike than anything else, but too often they had to grasp harsh rock and scrabble for secure footholds. Sometimes Logan imagined he heard sounds from down below them and then began to keep going with as much renewed energy as he could.

When they finally reached the top, Buffy ordered them to run and grabbed Spike, half supporting him as she followed her own advice. Logan really wished they’d parked closer.

Finally, he saw the car and he fumbled for his keys.

There was a growl out of the darkness and Buffy shoved Spike toward Tara and Veronica, who supported him toward the car while Buffy slowed to face the five vampires who were advancing toward them.

“Give us the vampire,” one of them said. “He doesn’t belong to you.”

“He doesn’t belong to anyone,” said Buffy, pulling out her stake again. “But you can bet that if he did, it would most certainly be me.”

Logan started the car and Veronica and Tara slung Spike into the back seat.

“Buffy, let’s go,” shouted Veronica.

Buffy backed toward them slowly; Veronica flung the door open for her.

One of the vampires rushed her and Buffy grabbed her, slamming her into the car’s hood, staking her through the back.

Buffy ducked into the car and Logan gunned it, heading back toward civilization.

***

Buffy slumped down in her seat, trying to calm the adrenaline rush still swarming her body. She glanced behind her to where Spike was sitting between Tara and Veronica. He was staring at his hands and muttering and it was freaking her out. He’d talked about railroad spikes and dolls and mobs and subways and warehouses and alleys and something about effulgence, whatever that meant. None of it was making any sense and Buffy was starting to panic herself.

This was exactly what she had been worried about, that Spike would come back and he wouldn’t be himself, that something would be wrong. Something was clearly off with him, but she didn’t know what it was. The possibilities weren’t endless, but they were varied. Perhaps it wasn’t really Spike that came back or maybe because he had his soul now, he was having difficulty handling that change. Maybe just coming back from the dead had unhinged him. Buffy honestly didn’t know what happened to vampires once they were dust, even the ones with souls. She just knew that being brought back to life was one of the worst things that had ever happened to her and she wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially someone she loved as much as Spike.

But maybe it had been different for him. She had been in heaven, maybe he had been in hell, and maybe the soul hadn’t made a difference. Of course, just coming back to life had to be disorienting and he didn’t seem to think any time had passed.

Still, no matter where he had come from, he was here now and she didn’t know how to feel about that. He was right there, close enough to touch, but she felt miles away from him. She’d spent their last few hours in the Hellmouth trying desperately to get a grip on her emotions and deal with the shock of suddenly having him back in her life. Tara had confirmed it was really him, but that didn’t mean he was her Spike anymore.

Having vampires to fight had been almost welcome, but the fact that they had obviously been waiting for them and wanted Spike begged more questions she didn’t have the answers for.

It was a very silent ride and Buffy used it to continue to quiet herself, to make sure she was able to handle this. When they finally got back to Neptune, she hugged Tara goodbye and then took Spike upstairs, a quietly understanding Veronica and Logan leaving them alone.

Spike finally appeared to take notice of his surroundings when she led him in to her bedroom.

“Where are we, love?” he asked.

“In Neptune. This is Veronica and Logan’s house.”

“They moved to Neptune, huh?”

“Got married,” she said. He nodded and kept his arms folded like he was protecting himself. “Spike, can we talk?” she asked.

“Always like talking to you,” he said.

“Even when I’m telling you to shut up?” she said, an attempt at levity.

“Oh, especially then,” he said.

She led him over to the bed.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“The cavern,” he said, not looking at her. “You left and I…burned. Then you were there again.”

“So, you didn’t go anywhere or feel anything?”

“Don’t remember five years going by, no,” he said. “Didn’t get flung to hell that I can remember.”

“Good,” she said simply.

“Why?” he asked, looking at her.

“I wouldn’t want you to be in hell,” she said, cautiously putting her hand on his.

He looked down like he didn’t know what to do with that, but he didn’t shake it off.

“It’s what I would expect,” he said. “So, five years gone. What’s been happening?”

“Well, I live in Cleveland now,” she said. “We shut down the Hellmouth there about two years ago and I’m a bit retired. Dawn’s finishing up college.”

He looked up at the mention of Dawn, his eyes flashing.

“Good for the Bit,” he said.

“Yeah, she wanted to come and see you,” said Buffy, “but I told her to finish school.”

“How’d you know I’d be there?” he asked.

“Veronica’s been having dreams,” said Buffy. “Dreams about you coming out of the amulet. They felt very real to her so she called me and we decided to go down and investigate. Here you are.”

“But you never came before,” said Spike.

“Faith and I went back the next day,” said Buffy, trying to quell the memory of standing in the dark and finding no remnants of him, not that she’d thought to dig through the ash to find the amulet. “You weren’t there. Nothing was there.”

“So you moved on,” he said, nodding. “Yeah, that’s good, that’s right.”

“I tried,” she corrected softly. “It wasn’t easy.”

“Never is,” he said blankly.

“Spike, do you know why you’re back?” she asked. “Do you still have…your soul?”

When she said the word he flinched and shied away from her.

“The spark,” he said. “They put the spark in me.”

“The amulet did,” she said. “So, you still have it?”

He nodded, back against the wall now.

“All it does is burn,” he said wildly, looking away from her. “Buffy, I hurt the girl.”

“No, you didn’t,” she said.

He laughed and looked at her, a sardonic grin on his face.

“What I’ve done you can’t imagine. I didn’t feel it before, but now I do. It’s all back, all home where it belongs. It’s in here,” he said, jabbing at his chest. “I need it out, get it out!” He began clawing at his own chest and Buffy reached to stop him.

“Spike, no.”

He stopped suddenly, his eyes wet, and he looked at her, pain on his face.

“I’m tired. I don’t want to be alone. Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?”

She nodded, biting her lip.

“We can rest, Spike.”

“Can you just hold me?” he asked.

She pulled him toward her, taking his jacket off and leaning him back against the bed. She climbed in beside him, curling up against his side. She was hit with the memory of the night she had come back from the dead herself and the numb feeling inside, but him beside her, holding her together.

“I got you,” she said, repeating his words to her. “I got you.”

***

Buffy woke up and Spike was still asleep beside her. She hoped he was dreaming of something good. She carefully disengaged herself from his arms and walked over to the window, making sure the curtains were securely closed. She needed to do something but she didn’t want him to wake up with her gone.

She grabbed her cell phone from her jacket pocket and quietly dialed a number.

“Angel Investigations, we help the helpless,” answered a male voice she didn’t know.

“I need to speak to Angel, right now.”

“Boss ain’t here yet.”

“I know he sleeps there, go and get him. It’s Buffy,” she said urgently.

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end and then she heard mumbled voices.

“Hold on a sec,” said the voice.

It was a few minutes before anything happened and Buffy had more than enough time to feel righteously angry by the time Angel’s voice came over the line.

“Buffy, are you okay?”

“Do you want to explain to me exactly what the amulet was for?”

“Buffy…I told you everything.”

“Then why is Spike alive?”

There was only silence on the other end.